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Why are Men Afraid To Commit?
January 20, 2005
10:54 am
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marley
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John Murphy - i think that is the key isn't it? men aren't afraid to commit when they are with the right woman.

January 20, 2005
6:20 pm
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on my way
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It is simple.

January 21, 2005
1:42 am
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Juliska
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I'm with Artist2.

January 21, 2005
2:01 am
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sewunique
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johnMurphy,

You are a straight shooter! Thanks for the simplistic, honest answer. Your brief response brings to mind much food for thought.

Sew

January 21, 2005
2:20 am
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workinonit
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Fear of commitment is different for men than women. Men are afraid of the intimacy/emotional aspect. Women are afraid without it.

Ok, I can buy into the prehistoric scenario but this is not prehistory. Why do we carry around the same baggage?

Sex for men, is initially a physical reaction to primitive urges. Sex for women, no matter how hard we try is about the emotional connection right away! Think about it, take a porn movie. ( If you watch them!)Men just like to think women are always ready for sex so they like the benign give it up thing. Women like the story with a happy ending. So sex is not the issue, as much as how sex happens and what happens after sex. Men go to sleep while women want to cuddle or talk (God forbid)

Compromise. Relationship is about this and compromise is what makes us stronger and more mature. We give up some of ourselves to be the heavy sometimes and this is good until the trust breaks. Trust is what helps us give ourselves up. Without this we feel used, abandoned.

None of that is true though. We are worth everything and need to try to remember this on our own. Codep takes this away from us but we can conciously make the choice to say, F that!

January 21, 2005
2:35 am
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sewunique
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Workinonit,

Are we talking on the same page here? I am not sure I understand you and johnmurphy. Committment is one thing. But sex is not the question here or is it? Compromise, yes, but committment and compromise are two different meanings. OMG now I am confused and I thought I was starting to get it? I'm really waiting for your response on this one. Maybe I am dense or just naive. was JM being too simplistic? Was he just joshing? Now I am in a dither.

Sew

January 21, 2005
2:42 am
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workinonit
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sew, what don't you get? I gave two different meanings but, as I see it.

You don't have to buy into my explanations. I think this is true for me.

Most men I meet are not getting the same meaning i have about commitment. The reason, as I see it is, they do not know how to compromise. It is usually about them and them only.

Now, at this time in my life, I will be about me so that maybe I will attract the preson who sees this as I do. Maybe it's my own baggage that brings me here. Not sure but sew, I am sorry if I confused you and go ahead and talk about it!

January 21, 2005
2:44 am
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sewunique
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Besides, I didn't think men were afraid to commit if they have the right partner. Not all men are unfeeling cavemen. Some are really compassionate, some are quite so here as well. Some women are afraid to commit.

Sex and commitment are two different issues. But I do agree that women and men see what sex is about as being different. However, some men say here that they would not have sex with a woman unless they had feelings for them not, just because they were horny. Are we being too general, biased and absolute in our statements here?

January 21, 2005
2:47 am
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sewunique
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workin, yes, I would like to talk about this, cuz somehow I am confused about it. Maybe it's because I am tired, I will reread your post and see if I can sort it out.

January 21, 2005
2:54 am
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workinonit
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sew, take a look at cuthul's response. This backs up the male perspective on commitment.

You are right though, there are menwho commit with the right woman but, the men who are here are here for a reason too. So, if you don't change your perspective on the whole thing, won't you wind up in the same place? ( I mean we not just you)

Compromise is not at all about sex. Not to me anyway. This is a relationship issue that seems sorely abandoned by the men I have been around lately, hence, raising the bar to meet differnt men! Will it work? Who the hell knows? I need to do something differently.

January 21, 2005
2:57 am
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workinonit
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sew, I'm going to bed now but will look for your response tomorrow.

Remember, these are my thoughts not the holy grail ok?

January 21, 2005
3:05 am
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sewunique
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well workin,

I read cuthul's response. I can understand part of it. I have to digest it more, tho'. I am a slow thinker to solutions, this is who I am. I will go back to this thread tomarrow, ( 3am here) and ponder on it some more. Everyone else's responses also have a lot to think about. Compromise, relationships, sex and emotions. Too much for me right now. Yes, I don't want to step into the same sh.. I been in before and I am still sorting these things out. Thanks for the feedback. As ever, your posts have much to offer and think about.

gotta get some sleep now. Thanks again!

January 21, 2005
8:32 pm
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JohnMurphy
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sewunique, don't go away. I feel like getting to know you better. I am interested in you. I feel protected and nurtured by you. I like your presence. Don't go away. I feel like keeping myself closer to you.

January 21, 2005
8:45 pm
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sewunique
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And how so, Mr Johnmurphy? I was only stating how I was trying to see things. You could explain a bit further, as I am still looking into this thread and all the respnonses.

Sew

January 21, 2005
9:04 pm
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JohnMurphy
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OK. Good night! 🙂

January 21, 2005
9:10 pm
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sewunique
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That's it?

January 21, 2005
9:22 pm
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sewunique
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Johnmurphy,

Are you still here?

Sew

January 22, 2005
7:46 am
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JohnMurphy
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Hi, Sew!

Yes, I am.

John

January 22, 2005
8:11 am
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workinonit
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John was giving you an example of just how gullible we can sometimes be. Tongue in cheek you know?

Se, I am interested in hearing you answer to the relationship/emotion/sex/compromise issue. How have you viewed this through out your life?

January 22, 2005
8:38 am
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JohnMurphy
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"John was giving you an example of just how gullible we can sometimes be. Tongue in cheek you know?"

To the extent you judge and try to control other people, they can judge and control you. If you let go of it, you also set yourself free.

January 22, 2005
8:44 am
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workinonit
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I am free John and is that a judgement I heard? Internet communication can be very tricky for proper message reception don't you think?

January 22, 2005
11:06 am
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sewunique
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Saturday late morning and here I am pondering this thread and JM's and workin's responses. Are either of you here now?

So I am confused as to your response, JM, as to what your meaning was, or your intention? Was it in kindness and true interest? Or as workin states, an example of vunerablity and bein gullible? Am I in the middle of a bad joke here or what? I only say this and question this to be open, and willing to be vulnerable to settle my confusion here.

as for the rest of this thread's entirity, more on that later.

Awaiting your responses,

Sew!

January 22, 2005
12:18 pm
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sewunique
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I'll check later for you all.

January 22, 2005
1:16 pm
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JohnMurphy
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Note: I take advantage of the anonymity in this forum to 'disclose' my feelings about you as you exchange your ideas, feelings and thoughts about men and commitment, as if emulating real life conditions. Say, a kind of 'interactive' learning process.

If you wish to continue, I can do so. In the process I can receive and acknowledge my own feelings about the whole matter.

January 22, 2005
1:28 pm
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sewunique
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Hello Johnmurphy,

Thank you for responding back. I am not sure about this, but I am more than willing to offer my feedback and to recieve yours. It could be an interesting learning process, at the very least. However, in caution, I hope that sincerity is a consideration. You know how flaghtery can be misunderstood.

Sew

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