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Why are guys so intimidated by me?
May 15, 2004
12:41 am
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Jen_LPN
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I have noticed alot of guys are intimidated by me. I am 21, a nurse, newly single, no kids, take care of myself, and alot of people say i look like Julia Stiles (off of save the last dance). So- someone please explain to me why guys are "afraid" to "talk" to me. I mean, i would think that most men would find my qualities and success very inviting? I think they think i'm going to bite them or something. one guy even told me that he liked me alot but he doesn't think he's "good enough" for me! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?!?! someone please help me understand?

May 15, 2004
2:01 am
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annastar
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"Good girl " problem? Or- may be- "Too good to be truth"?

May 15, 2004
5:21 am
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silence
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my intimidation with women usually happens before that point. I'm really not good at starting conversations.

May 15, 2004
9:58 am
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CAMER
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Jen_LPN, we must be sisters, cuz people say too that I look like Julia Stiles! and I too have no kids but am a bit older than you. Sometimes I truely beleive men get intimidated with women is cuz they see what you have to offer which is alot, and maybe they feel they cannot
live up to what they "see" inside of
dealing with things from a inside/personality level. I also think that when you do meet a great man, he will be so confident in himself he will not feel any intimidations at all, just things that will make you both happy.

May 15, 2004
2:51 pm
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jewel
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Jen-lpn I can totally relate to you. I am in my 20's, have no kids, have my own place, and I am very independent. I look like a Julia too. Julia Roberts. I do have a boyfriend now. Before I met him, I had a hard time with guys though. I know what I want out of life and have everything together so I often wondered what is turning guys off.

May 15, 2004
2:59 pm
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guest_guest
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ok. .then if you like a guy, then tell them that you like them, or show them...take them out to dinner, etc. If a nice guy tries to run from you, PURSUE him.. dont wait for him to lead you. When you got him, put him in a little cell where he cant escape... then feed him and check his fingers everyday to see if he's getting plump or not.. ok.. sorry.
but really, pursue the nice guys actively.. life is short. I couldnt follow my own advice.. i'm sadly shy myself.

May 15, 2004
4:14 pm
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annastar
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It is wonderful feeling to be independent. Here is 3 types of men: codependent or narcistic man that like to pick up dependent women, support them and “fix” them, that able to make you feel miserable, successful man, that likes women that able to take care about themselves and losers that like women to take care about them. When you have money, you getting tendency to pick up or get involved with men you other wise would not be able to get. Very good looking guys, or guys with special talents- bad guys we are so attracted to. This type of men can not offer financial security and as compensation, offers a lot of emotions. If you doing grate job in supporting them, they will use on you all kinds of control techniques to not keep you there, working for them. For some reason they do not understand that they can be just sexy and charming enough to keep you- they trying to destroy your self estime, to make sure you are weak enough to make your own decisions and go to competition. So- from independent, successful women you can turn in to needy, abscessed, codependent girl, and don’t matter of respect you getting from other people, you will never be good enough for him. The point: money give elusion of control over men, but hide his real motrivations and he may be in relationships with you for wrong reason. In most cases such men will destroy you and move on to one who has more money, or to some one they will fell in love with. When you choose man, look for a partner and never use finances to keep man.

May 17, 2004
4:13 pm
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acj
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Hey annastar

You are so right... In fact, I never discuss my finances with "potential" guys... Mainly, I want them to like me for me. Secondly, they feel inadequate if I happen to be making more than they do.

I think finances shouldn't be discussed until way into the relationship, like after getting engaged...Let him discuss all about his financial position, to make sure he hasn't filed bankruptsy or something but leave your business until it is really serious...

acj

May 17, 2004
5:21 pm
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silence
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Why do I feel like I'm not human? Whenever you gals make categories, I'm not in any of them.

May 18, 2004
10:10 am
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lewis
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then you must be type 'd'

May 18, 2004
2:36 pm
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silence
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none of the above

May 19, 2004
4:57 am
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lewis
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so where are you then? what type? if there is one or isn't? create one here : )

May 19, 2004
3:57 pm
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silence
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I'm the guy that wants to talk to the girl, but doesn't. I sit there by myself and I don't bother anyone.

May 19, 2004
4:20 pm
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sixfootblonde
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oh go for it. it can't hurt -- if she doesn't respond, you're no worse off than if you'd never spoken to her right? Nothing ventured....

May 19, 2004
4:31 pm
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silence
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rejection. i don't take it very well. Took me a month to get over that one girl if you can remember that episode 2 years ago.

May 19, 2004
7:54 pm
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gingerleigh
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Movie girl. Yeah, I remember you talking about her.

May 20, 2004
4:20 am
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silence
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no. the one before the movie girl. I didn't ask out the movie girl partially because I was still weary of being rejected earlier that year.

May 20, 2004
4:40 am
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silence
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sorry. I forgot how long ago that was. She was the girl I used to see every Tuesday and Thursday before class. Took me all semester to work up the courage to ask her out. And just like that she turned me down with a real bullshit excuse.

May 21, 2004
8:00 pm
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Anonymous
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Jen,
I first met my bf when I was 19. We hung out a few times but nothing came of it. I always assumed that he wasn't that interested in me. Over the years, I saw him around from time to time. He always seemed excited to see me but given the past I had no idea why. Last year, I saw him out and he asked me out. I decided to go just for fun. He kept calling and pursing me. After a few weeks of hanging out I asked him why he wanted to be with me now when he had never seemed too interested before. He said that he was very interested in me but knew he couldn't handle having a relationship with me. I asked why and he said that he was not mature enough at the time to have a relationship with someone like me. He was not looking for anyone to be serious w/ and felt that he had nothing to offer me.

Now, I'm 28 and we've been dating for a year. When I was younger, I was constantly running into the same problems you are. Except, I always felt that I wasn't good enough for guys in one way or another. The good news is that five years from now the guys that are telling you that you're "too good" for them will be ready to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

May 21, 2004
9:10 pm
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free
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Jen

I so ran into this in the past. And for the life of me I never figured it out.

this is gonna sound rather nasty- but I got to the point where I just flat out concluded that if some guy thinks I'm out of his league - then I am.

As for pursuing a guy- yuck. Just- yuck.

I mean I'd be out and guys would hesitate to come up to me or talk to me and then once they did would shy off and why? Kuz I looked nice,was a mathematician, and could dance?

Pretty lame. I'm not afraid to talk to you when you look nice, are college educated, and probably make 30% more than for the same career position. In college guys would not want to study with me. I graduated in 89 with honors. Why would they not want to study with me? Kuz I was fit and smart and looked great in jeans and a tank top and ran around barefoot enough to drive the professors batty? Kuz I wasn't the nerd gal? I scored higher than a grad student in an advanced calc class, guess who got the only A? Not me. He was a nerdy guy and a grad student. And I ran around in my tanks and jeans barefoot with no bra. So I got a B+ kuz I liked comfort.

Professors were even intimidated. Why?

I like to play darts at the local pub. Last time I was out, a man actually asked me if I was really a teacher, really a MATH teacher. Ya know what- all I could do was laugh.

Men- your stereotyped issues are YOURS. Get with it. There are many smart, kind, gentle women who can turn heads and who love your company, your smell, your touch, your conversation.

But not your insecurities. We go for it. Why won't you?

free

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