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Why am I this way?
November 2, 2001
1:26 pm
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pilarita
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September 29, 2010
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I laways make the same mistakes, I mean I always fall in love so easily, I think I depend on other people more than what I should, and it is always the same, I can't avoid this sensation of complete isolation it is like if my life is going to end in complete solitude, I would like to be stronger and I would like to have clear ideas of what I want but I always, ask other people's opinion and I follow their ideas and not mine. Now, I broke up with a boy, I was with him just for a month, the second day after he had left me, I was unable to get up and think clearly, it was so dramatic, I think I can't think clearly in those moments, I only feel very sad and deppressed, after somedays I felt better but I still mised him, so I called him until I could talk with him he was nice on the phone, and everything began to be beautiful again, so that is my problem, I have to learn how to be happy by myself, I will be alone in many ocasions, and he can ask me to come back with him or not, I mean I don't have anything clear, but today I realised that is my problem, not his, not theirs, it is my fault no to be able to live by myself. now I feel strong and I am strong enough to open my heart to this computer but tomorrow? I wonder until when I will have this feeling of isolation, what can I do?.
Help me

November 2, 2001
2:40 pm
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Molly
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Its so amazing the environment plays in our personality and actions. I did this radical downward slip for 12 years, and when I left in 98 I re-discoverd my good ole self as well. What made it so much more clear, and really helped me to define this enviornment thing, is I returned in 2000, I caught my self, and went hey!!! But knowing where I went, and where I am, has saved me from going all the way down. You absolutely must honor your own inner voice.

November 2, 2001
4:52 pm
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Ladeska
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I think one thing that is important to anyone is that we search for answers, read things, take what we can use out of whatever and basically make a fabric that is useful - for us. Here's a website that deals with self-awareness which might be helpful concerning this topic.

http://www.breath.org/self-observation/

November 2, 2001
6:48 pm
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Ladeska
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Who knows, just sniff it out sometimes....glad you liked it.

November 2, 2001
10:02 pm
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ponytrainer
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Hi Pilarita,

You are going to be fine. I feel this because you obviously can see the mistakes you are making, and know deep down what you really want. There was a time when I depended too much on boyfriends to make me happy. I always ended up feeling used, and stripped of all my dignity when the relationship ended (even when I was the one who left.) The reason for this was because I made it very clear to whomever I dated that they were more important to me than I was. Even guys who started with the best intentions eventually lost respect for me and did not treat me very well in the end.
After one particularily embarassing, long, drawn-out, dramatic relationship, I finaly reached my breaking point. I realized that though I had problems with the single me, I was absolutly disgusted with the sniveling, spineless, leach I became when trying to hang on to a relationship that didn't exist. I stopped dating and started taking myself to the movies, or to dinner. I felt like a loser at first, but pretending to be independent is (in my own opinion) the best way to become independent.
It wasn't until I stopped feeling embarrassed about being alone that I realized that I was truely gaining the confidence that other girls seemed to have naturaly. Thats also when I was ready to venture back into dating, and am now engaged to a gorgeous, intellegent, truly good guy (who, I might ad, would not have been interested in the self-esteemless me).

Your own story will be different, but I promise you the misery that comes naturaly in life and love is so much less when you understand and appreciate yourself.

November 6, 2001
1:42 am
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Shelly26
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i just had to add to this...i have the same problem,i feel like i cant be alone or that life has no purpose without love in it. the whole independent thing is something i wish i could learn,but like everything else,i try suggestions from others but it doesn't help me in the long run. For example,going out to eat alone...i have done that countless times but i still find myself thinking,"look at that couple eating together,and i have no one",i always wish i have someone with me. no matter how many times i go places alone,i still get lonely. Even going to the grocery store is lonely because i see something that me and my ex used to eat together and i remember him walking down the food aisles with me,then my whole independent mood is shot. and living alone...you'd think one would get used to that,but it isn't that easy. i've lived alone for almost half a year now. and it only gets worse,not better. i think some people have a limit to how independent they can be. and no matter how you try to be "normal",it just isn't going to happen no matter how bad you want it. Some people just grew up needing more human contact than others,like we are at the opposite end of the spectrum from hermits,who LOVE living miles away from any other humans...obviously not everyone can be that independent,so there are other levels as well. some of us like being alone 90% of the time,and some only like it 10% of the time. and some things like that you cannot change,they are part of our personalities,part of our soul.

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