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Why am I so paranoid?
September 29, 2008
9:17 pm
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lostagain27
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I need some advice. I am so paranoid to be around some of my friends that are mutual with my X. One of them called me tonight and left me a message on myspace about possibly going to a football game with me this weekend b/c i have an extra ticket. He found out through my sister.

It would be nice to have him come along because i haven't seen him in so long but at the same time I am paranoid he will talk about my X b/c he has done that to me in the past no matter how many times i told him not too. He is the one who broke the news to me about my X's new girlfriend ( they broke up) but at the time and it was a girl that i knew about and was leary of during me and my X's relationship.

But my question is is it this normal to be paranoid that he will talk about him? I am also paranoid he will tell my X that i really don't have a life outside of my family and other friends we share in common. Maybe if i have moved on and had this kick ass life to brag about it might make it better. But i don't know. I hate being like this always on guard and in fear of hearing about my X.

September 29, 2008
9:55 pm
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soofoo
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This is not paranoia. Paranoia is irrational. Here's a definition from "Health A to Z":

"Paranoia is an unfounded or exaggerated distrust of others, sometimes reaching delusional proportions. Paranoid individuals constantly suspect the motives of those around them, and believe that certain individuals, or people in general, are "out to get them."

Not all fear is paranoia. Your fear that he will talk about your ex is rational. It's based on the fact that he's done it many times before. That's not paranoia. Now if you were convinced that he intended to kill you at the football game, it might be paranoid. But not if he tried to kill you before, or said he was going to kill you or has a history of killing girls at football games.

So there's nothing pathological about what you are going through. You broke up with your boyfriend and you don't feel like hearing about his new girlfriends and you don't want him hearing that you were miserable without him, just in case your having a crap-ass time.

This is normal.

But here's something to think about...

Do you like this guy who wants to come out with you? Do you want to hang out with him? Do you get the vibe that he likes you or just that he wants to see the game?

September 29, 2008
10:12 pm
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lostagain27
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Soofoo thanks for clearing up the paranoia thing. I can see the difference in what i am thinking and the definition of it. I am just afraid he will talk about my X due to the fact he has done it in the past.
it makes me feel normal! 🙂

I like the guy who is wanting to go to the game as a friend. We have been friends for 13 plus years now. It doesn't go beyond that. He does not like me either he just wants to go to the game. We don't even speak that much really. Only about once every two months. He is a recovering alcoholic ( sober 1 yr) and he took me to my first ala non meeting months ago. So that is about the extent of our relationship.

September 29, 2008
11:01 pm
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PreciousG
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(((Lost)))

I think that you know that he will talk about your EX and you will not know how to handle the situation because he has disregarded your feelings in the past regarding speaking about your EX.

Do you really want to go to the game with this guy? I mean you haven't spoken with him in 2 months? The last interaction you had with him was not positive. Also I would not be comfortable with someone calling me just because they knew I had an extra ticket to the game. Why have you 2 not been in contact lately?

((((Lost))))

Precious

September 30, 2008
8:49 am
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lostagain27
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Precious

Those are some really good questions that you are posing. No i really don't want him to go to the game with us b/c he will talk about my X. If I knew he wouldn't then he could go.
We have never been close friends he is more friends with my X then anything so i just don't talk to him that much b/c of that. that his friend and he can have him type thing. That is why we haven't talked in two months. The last time i saw him was a wedding function for our friends getting married in October.

I am just going to tell him that someone else is using that ticket.
I guess this is another one of my areas i need to work with. Go with your gut and first instinct you think of.

(((Precious))) thanks

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