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Why am I so depressed?
October 26, 2000
2:45 pm
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grafxman
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I am so damn depressed. I checked into going to a Psychologist but I just can't afford to go. I can't talk to my wife about things. I don't want to whine to my friends. I feel like I am going down the drain and there is nothing to grab on to. I am frustrated at everything in my life. I find myself looking out the window, just staring at the sky. I have become kind of mentally numb. I tried an anti depressent from my doctor but it does'nt seem to help. I am getting to the point where I really hate my life. I am not happy at home. I am not happy at work. I feel very trapped and tied up. Is there anything I can do to get happy? I don't know how much longer I care to go on like this.

October 26, 2000
9:40 pm
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graf, which anti-depressant was that?

October 26, 2000
11:24 pm
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Brenda
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Yes there is one important thing that you can do to get happy, do a random act of kindness to someone within your neighborhood, community or place of work. Something really big that will really mean a lot to that person, whether that means giving away money, time, love, support whatever.......come back and tell me if you feel better.
Oh, just want you to know, I have a sibling who is almost dead from the aids virus, thank your lucky stars you are alive and well.

October 27, 2000
1:14 pm
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lost soul
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Everybody at some time of their live experience some kind of depression. But it will somehow or other by pass this pharse.

so, just look ahead and be possitive. it will soon be gone!!!

October 27, 2000
2:44 pm
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grafxman
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The anti depressent I am on is Celexa. It really makes me feel wound up and a bit anxious. I appreciate everyones input. I hope this passes soon. I have seen a friend pass from HIV also, in that respect, I am very lucky. I am healthy, have a job, have a home, have a family... That's why I don't really know why I am so depressed. Is there some chemical imbalance in me or what? I don't want to feel like this. I just wake up everyday with this sense of total depression.

October 27, 2000
4:19 pm
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janes
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Check out a book called Change your Brain Change your life by Dr. Amen.

Your life is in your control and the control is in your hands.

There is a lot you can do to get happy.
You can talk to your DR. about a different anti depressant and you can help your self by finding your self.

There are groups...co dep anon etc. that you could meet with.

Read about the AA twelve steps.

Good luck

October 29, 2000
4:23 am
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grasshopper
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It could be a chemical imbalance. You don't say how long you've been depressed, but I read that long term depression does cause changes in your brain chemistry. So even if you didn't start out with a chemical imbalance you might have one now. Although it sounds to me like you have a pretty good handle on why you're depressed - can't talk to your wife or friends, frustrated at everything, not happy at work, not happy at home, feeling trapped...

So what do you do about it?

Talk to someone. Try a different anti-depressent. Get professional help. Browse the psychology section of the library or book store. Find a support group. Something.

Things can get better. But you are going to have to *do* something about it.

Hoping things would get better and waiting for the "mood" to pass didn't work for me. For what it's worth, it took me 3 months of 60mg/day of Prozac before I would even admit to myself that I was depressed. At least you're not that far into denial. But things didn't get better for me until I started working on why I was so depressed.
Talking helps. I don't know how it is with your friends and family, but I was surprised at how much love and support I got. All it took was saying I've got a problem and asking for help. [ "all" - hah! I didn't even want to admit to myself that I had a problem much less tell my family. And asking for help was even harder than saying I've got a problem]

If you can't *talk* to your wife, could you sit her down in front of the computer and show her this discussion thread? Be clear, at least in your own mind, why you can't [or won't] talk to your wife.

Good luck. You've made a good start talking to your doctor & taking an anti-depressent. If you've been on the Celexa for more than a month or two with no improvement I'd suggest seeing your doctor again and trying a different drug.

October 29, 2000
4:33 pm
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christina
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grafxman,
I can totaly relate to how you are feeling, only thing is, that i'm much younger than you. Suicide always comes to mind, but I never get around to doing it. It seems like everyone elses lives are progressing and moving forward but mine fell in a whole along the way and it just can't seem to get out. Nothing seems to make me happy anymore other than writing poems which help to relieve the stress. I also enjoy working with little kids, I'd like to think that the time they spend with me could possibly make a difference in their lives. You need to just find one thing that you realy enjoy doing and you need to allow time for it at least once a week. You'll be surprised at how much one hour a week and change things.

November 4, 2000
3:44 pm
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peck
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graf
I suffer from major depression. I take paxil and it seems to help. after a few days i can physically get up and actually do things. I have been where you are at. I have come a little way since then. my therapists keeps reminding me thatthisis a process and to stay focused.
I am at the point where I plan to do things I need to and then wait till the last minute and just blow them off. This is getting everything screwed up for me. I am just not motivated to do anything. I just want to watch TV and be distracted. give me some feedback on "knowing better - doing better"
good luck,

November 5, 2000
12:51 pm
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badday
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I can sympathize with you but i have no words of incouragement today as i am feeling the same way myself. As a matter of fact perhaps my husband feels the same as you. If we could just wave a magic wand and make things alright.

November 6, 2000
7:21 pm
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lmk
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I am so totally where you are. I have been depressed for 20 years. No kidding. I have gotten really bad here lately and feel as though I am drowning too. I don't smile anymore. Nothing makes me happy. I am angry all the time and yell at my kids constantly. I feel like such a horrible person that I cannot even stand to be around myself. I don't know what the answer is but I have been searching for 8 years and trying to make it better. But I always end up in the same place and I am sick of it. Sorry I am not much help but I know how you feel anyway.

November 6, 2000
7:57 pm
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autumn38
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I'm feeling the same way, it's a terrible feeling. My doctor wanted to give me anti-depressents too but I refused. I often wonder if it's a chemical imbalance or if it is environmental that causes such depression. I'm in the same situation my husband does not listen to me either and I don't like my job, I feel so incomplete. Maybe we need to make positive changes to better ourselves. I hope you will eventually find what it is to feel happy.

November 6, 2000
10:32 pm
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Molly
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I just think that life is so hard today, it is moving so fast and the clock keeps ticking, rush rush rush, sleep deprevation, stress with money, stress at work, information overload, and every one else around is feeling the same way, as posted above. We forget to celebrate the little things, like the flowers and birds, and general beauty of the suroundings. Of course if you live in the city its hard to find that connection with nature, and it takes time to search it out. I don't think we were ment to live like this, and thus the epidemic of depression, there is a reason every one seems to be taking this or that, look at the commercials, even for kids, and I saw at the pet store, something for the dog. I enjoy the modern day comforts, but I long for the simpler life, I am tired, and don't see an end to the rush, and that is my trigger for depression. I don't see how I can ever make enough money so that I will get to the place where I can exhale, my spouse fears retirement, or even the simpler life, stating that it would be like death to not live with stress, but the stress is real and it is killing us. How do we make the world slow down, it seems that the world is allready on anti depressants, and they just are not strong enough. This sounds like a down-er like note, and strangely enough I think I am a place of acceptance. For now. I had the fortune of living in a slower community, and I saw that they did not have the same reactions as in the city, so I focus on the dream of getting back there, but the money thing. so Iam just stuck trying to figure out a way to get to that place of serenity, and peace, knowing it is possible, hoping it is possible, gonna make it possible, and perhaps that is what keeps me going. Maybe that could work for others.

November 6, 2000
11:39 pm
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sorrel
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There are many resources, even for those that cannot afford help on their own. Try looking in the phone book for a number of your local community mental health, or call a local hospital, they can probably direct you to a agency that can help. I myself cannot afford help. At one time, I had a good job, nice home, etc.. All of which I have lost due to mental illness, and the lack of knownledge. Help is out there, you may have a form of depression that may need medication, they can help with that too. Does it really matter why?
You are feeling depressed, isn't that enough, seek help.

November 9, 2000
4:09 pm
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Anonymous
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I've been depressed for along time but it was mostly anxiety and panic to be around people authority, I get so self conscious just going out when neighbor. but i hold it in but insidde i, screamin to get out.. i am on depressants if anyone knows of something that worked for them feeling trapped inside, not sure why i cant relax.. thanks

November 25, 2000
10:49 pm
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gingerleigh
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One other resource to check into is through work. Depending on the company, some offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) that can put you in touch with a short term counsellor to get you on the road to recovery, who then may be able to put you in touch with some lower cost therapy alternatives once your work benefit coverage ends. Check with your HR department for information.

Also, in case you are worried, all of this should be handled confidentially through your HR department.

Good luck, I hope that one of the alternatives described works for you.

November 26, 2000
9:17 am
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janes
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CHECK YOUR NUTRITION AS WELL. We are what we eat....

Brain chemistry is ruled by what we put into our mouths and some people are more susceptible than other to deficiencies (sp)

There was a reason our great grandparents gave their children cod liver oil and a reason sailors started taking fresh fruit on long voyages...

Good luck

November 27, 2000
9:07 pm
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EnjoyTheSilence
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I have been facing the same sort of problems.. I feel as if I go through everyday just wishing it would be over. I think it would be easier if I just weren't here but I must keep trying to get better. As if i expect things to dramatically change one day and I will be happy.

Well it hasn't happened yet and I talked to my doctor about how i feel and she simply said she would put me on anti- depressants. I don't see a point in that when all it does is distract you from your problems. And really.. Talking to other people about your problems is simply that- A temporary escape. BUT I've also realized talking to other people can motivate you to change your self .I plan on talking to a psychologist before i go on anti deppressants because What about when you stop taking them? As you said.. the problem was still there. It has to be worked through not pushed aside by mood altering.

If you can not afford one.. Tell your doctor that.. He/She should be able to direct you to someone who can help. And don't be afraid of talking to friends about your problems.. While it won't solve your problem completely.. It WILL give you different outlooks on your problem and possibly give you the strength to make things better for yourself.

November 28, 2000
10:49 am
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ANUSCA
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GRAFXMAN:
My husband started being depressed after his mother died,two years ago. He started feeling guilty about things that he never got to do for his mom. He did a lot though. The relationship with his sibblings are bad (a sister and a brother). He practically has only his father. However he has me, 4 wonderful loving sons and a grand daughter. He started taking medicine for anxiety and depression. Today he's going to his regular doctor and talk to her about his condition. I was thinking. Do you keep a journal? If not why don't you try to write down your feelings. Try to write down the positive things in your live. I know it's difficult, but try to concentrate on the positive side and don't forget that God is on line 24 hours a day and always ready to help. Trust Him. He's good and never say no. With Him all things are possible.
Yes, do something that you really like. I wish you the best.

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