Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Why am I obsessing about this new relationship?
March 26, 2007
11:57 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
201sp_Permalink sp_Print

LETTING GO...ur in my prayers......

nvr2late...million thanks....I've spent the last year ad half in therapy....not that I was distraught...i was sad but because I let my marriage get to that point. I never asked for what I wanted. I knew when i met him that he was very reserved. i found out later that he was also a very angry person. I wanted to get married. I don't regret it. Learned alot of lessons. good and not so good...I knew he would provide and that he would be kind, which he was. He justed get past his childhood trauma. He was frozen. Frozen being a poor rich boy. He had everything except his parents attention. Mom was out shopping with the girls and Dad was a addict and drunk. Anyway, the childish things he does is get super cool around hs friends kinda standoffish. I see a totally different side. He also spends his free time on MySpace and textng his friends . This may not seem important but he just feels funny. I am by no means possesive. I have learned to let people be independent. I still go out with the girls once a week (which bohers him), As i write I realiz the truth......he is broke , not cultured, is a or as smart as m ex and is a home body... he just isn't my ex. I love intellitectual discussions...this guy talks about bars, clothing and getting drunk. He is very sweet, affectionate, and wants to get married again. I can't see my married to him. I could date him forever. I am trying to decide, if I want to get married again...blah, blah, blah....Sleepy ..Be blessed

March 27, 2007
10:34 pm
Avatar
nvr2late
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
202sp_Permalink sp_Print

Lady..I guess you are seeing what comes out at some point in a relationship that the ages are that much different.
different interests and different lifestyles.

I guess you have to decide what is non-negotiable for you...
what you can and cannot put up with.

maybe you just need some time for yourself?

and communication is really really an important quality.
more as you get older.

nvr

ready...still thinking about you...come back soon!

nvr

March 28, 2007
12:14 am
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
203sp_Permalink sp_Print

hi, all...just checking in for a minute. Things are very chaotic with funeral arrangements, and I'm just emotionally drained and physically exhausted.

I did call the BF (or whatever you would call him after 4 months of dating) to tell him my dad had died. We had a very long, meaningful conversation about it, he lost his dad 10 years ago. He sent me a text yesterday to ask how I was doing, and we talked briefly yesterday. No communication from him today, though, and I was just too busy to contact him. Thinking he is just giving me time to be with family, etc., right now.

I'm wondering if he will acknowledge my father's death at all. I feel he should...a card, coming to the wake, something. I sort of expect it...think it will be a major turning point here. How well he handles this. I feel that if it was his parent, and I had known him and dated him 4 months, I would go to the wake and send a card or flowers. I feel it deserves something. He contacted me and came here to spill his guts about why he had kind of checked out on me, which to me meant he wanted to pick things up where they left off. Then, my father dies. I think I need to see how he handles this...I need his support, and I know he's in the middle of a divorce trial this week. We're both not in a position to give each other much, but something I think, would be nice.

Am I being unreasonable?

March 28, 2007
6:04 am
Avatar
nvr2late
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
204sp_Permalink sp_Print

ready! I am sooooo sorry about your father!! It is such a hard time for you.
and I do not think you are being unreasonable, but are you setting him up for failure?
your expectations of him are to see him make an effort at something, but you do not know what he is thinking..maybe he is worried about you needing to be with your family.
and with a divorce trial going on this week, that might just be too much for him to step up to.
can he focus on both things this week?

I don't know, and the talk you had with him he expected to just pick things up where they left off?
just to explain what was going on...well, that is nice of him...
but why do you have to get sucked in again?

this is a tough one!
because I am not sure I would go to a wake of a family member of someone I was dating for a couple months...a card, yes...but are men wired the same way?
I don't know how to answer that...
expectations are a difficult thing, especially when he does not know them and you are 'testing' him.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but I do think that this is not the time to test him, divorce trial...(which is all consuming) and not knowing your father...
please just think about that!!!

let us know what is going on...
you are in our prayers!!
nvr

March 28, 2007
7:27 am
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
205sp_Permalink sp_Print

nvr...I know what you are saying, and I don't want to "test" him. I want him to be there for me when everyone leaves, and I'm left to deal with the reality of all of this. It is so hard being alone at a time like this. It is so hard to go to sleep at night and see the image that is in my mind, and to not have someone there to talk to or hold me. I'm really struggling with that part of it. But, expecting him to live up to my expectations isn't fair at all. I tend to do that a lot...I set up ideals about what I think people should do in a certain situation, and then I am disappointed when that doesn't happen. And that's not fair. He didn't know my dad, and it would be awkward for him to walk into that situation. I guess phone calls and text messages to let him know he's thinking of me and to check to see how I'm doing is what I really need from him right now, and I'm getting more of that from him than from my girlfriends that I've known forever and who did know my father.

Our conversation on Friday night really boiled down to things that were going on in both of our lives right now that just made it difficult for us to move as fast as we were moving. And this was before my father died. We both agreed that we needed to slow things down. I needed to get my kids used to the idea of me dating, and get my daughter through her issues...he needs to get used to being with his son, and get through his divorce. We are both just dealing with SO MUCH right now, that neither of us are in any emotional state to be in a serious relationship. We both just need a good friend right now, and I don't know that either of us can be much more.

I will try not to have any expectations of what he should be doing in this situation. I'll try to just appreciate the things he does do. I sent him a little note telling him I was thinking about him during his trial this week. Hopefully, we can get together sometime soon and talk this through.

Thanks for the input...and the prayers.

March 28, 2007
9:55 am
Avatar
lettingo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
206sp_Permalink sp_Print

ready,
I don't think you are expecting too much for him to step up. Losing your father is a huge deal. I lost my dad last year and I KNOW how it feels needing that support and comfort. I think you are wise to see what he will do. I think it will say alot about his character. Know you are in my thoughts. This is such an emotional time. It's been a year and I think of my dad daily. Hugs.

March 29, 2007
1:32 pm
Avatar
nvr2late
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
207sp_Permalink sp_Print

ready..
I hope things are going well!
please keep us posted when you can!

nvr

March 29, 2007
11:49 pm
Avatar
titanica
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
208sp_Permalink sp_Print

ready

sorry for being self absorbed......thinking of u.

well went out with withnew beau he is cute as a button. Went to dinner and was not in the mood. He works short hours and I was tired. During dinner he was texting and I told him to grow up. Not a good move. He said I was a wet towel sometimes. I left dinner. He called saying he was sorry and that he adores me and doesn't want to hurt me in any way. Gotta love a man like that. He said he was smitten with me. I am trying to be strong and not fall. I am doing this because I know that he is sweet, kind and attentive but has no real interests. My friends say go for it but I need to be stimulated intellectually. Am I already forty ( look 27 they say). I need a man not a boy. I know better than to think I can change but he is soooooo cute. I have always loved men with blue eyes. I am Cuban. Dark hair and eyes. I am intrigued by him. Anyway enough chatter......

Be blessed and keep hanging in there everyone.

March 31, 2007
9:12 am
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
209sp_Permalink sp_Print

titanica...make sure your head is in the lead here. It's so easy to only follow your heart, but your gut instinct is usually right. Listen to your gut.

Well, all, the funeral is over. Several of my family members will leave today. By Monday, my mother and I will be all alone here. I guess the feeling of being alone hit me very hard at this time...going to bed at night and having no one to hold me, or give me a hug, or listen to me, or cry with. I'm a strong person, so I know I can get through this, but it just isn't the same when there isn't someone who loves you to help you through it.

The BF...I still don't know what to call him...has been quiet, but somewhat attentive this week. We have spoken several times, and he has sent messages to ask how I'm doing and if I'm okay, and to say he is sorry I'm having to go through this. He was in court much of the week, so it was just a difficult week for both of us. He told me last night that he's looking forward to seeing me next week.

I am still very cautious. I really love spending time with this guy. He's a good friend, and a fun person to be around. I'm not in love with him, which is safe for now. We've both decided to take things slow, until he is through the divorce and I'm healed from my father's death and the trauma with my daughter and her dad. BTW...her dad showed up at the funeral, gave my sister a hug, and sat in the back of church. Didn't talk to my children at all, and hasn't made any contact with my daughter to tell her he is sorry her grandpa died. I attempted to make eye contact with hm on my way into church, but he wouldn't look at me. I was actually going to be nice and smile at him as if to thank him for coming...but when he woldn't look at me, it made me very angry. I sat in church - the same church we were married in 20 years ago - and kept thinking how much my father would have hated having him there. I know my mother did...she knows all the horrible things he has done to me and my children. Why would someone do that? Luckily he left before I came out of the church, or I would have had a few choice words for him. Jerk.

April 1, 2007
6:39 am
Avatar
nvr2late
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
210sp_Permalink sp_Print

ready...
you handled yourself well..it was nice of your ex to show up..but come ON..not saying anything to his own children! YIKES...I guess that is why you divorced him...he wants to punish YOU via the kids.

sad sad sad!!!

you seem to be doing well, a hard week is over...I hope you can look back and see what a great life with your dad you had!

it is tough right now, and you are vulnerable, but you are doing well with the 'new guy'.
both of you had tough weeks!

I am always putting up with the ex's antics..and the kids see it and I have stopped making excuses for him.
the other day their dad stayed home to take them to school..(he never does that) tells the kids that he has to go to work...
they have a 1/2 day of school, so I go get them...on the way back, his car is sitting at the bar.

my daughter says..'why did daddy lie about having to go to work?'

well, I text him and say..'nice, lie to your kids...'
no response back, of course.

I am done making excuses and I told her, ask HIM.
things have not changed...he was calling me a lot and telling me that he loved me..

to find out that NOTHING has changed...good thing I was keeping my head about me...

we start co-parent counseling next week (court ordered) and I am just going to keep pointing out what a liar he is and what he is teaching his children.

maybe someone can see the damage he is doing...
HE sure cannot.

nvr

April 1, 2007
10:15 am
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
211sp_Permalink sp_Print

nvr...I'm doing okay, I guess. The doctor has me on Xanax during the day, and Ambien to help me sleep. It definitely helps.

My ex is a total piece of work. Yesterday, he called my daughter and told her she had to come over to his house and spend the night because it was his weekend. He knows that my entire family is here from out of town, and that we just buried my father. She told him she was going to dinner at her grandma's. He has no idea how much he has ruined their relationship, and he thinks he can just call her up and pretend it's all okay again. He used to do that with me....in a drunken rage, he would say horrible things to me, then act like nothing had happened the next day.

I've talked to the BF a few times this week, and we've texted quite a bit. We were both crazy busy. He told he's looking forward to seeing me this week. We'll see...I'm just not sure what I want at this point. I do REALLY like this guy, but our circumstances just suck right now, and I don't want to build a relationship based on desperation and loneliness. Does that make sense?

It sounds like your ex is being a total A**! You know, some people just don't have the emotional ability to be a parent, no matter how many classes you take them to. My ex will never be a father, he doesn't know how to love anyone but himself. You can't teach that to someone. His love is totally conditional and totally self-centered. If loving his children benefits him in some way, he does it. If it doesn't, he could walk away from them in a heartbeat. I think that is a characteristic of an addict...the only love they have is for their addiction.

Another blow this week....my son tells me that my ex is dating the mother of one of his students. I don't know why that was hard for me to hear, but it was. I guess I will always feel that little twinge of "what did I do wrong" and "why wasn't I enough of a woman for him to want to stop drinking and be a better man". I know this won't last, but it just irks me a little that he is dating. Guess I really don't want him to be happy, either, and that's awful. But I feel it.

I'm just numb from all of this...not sure how much more I can take. I was thinking the other day, this relationship was kind of doomed from the start. On my end, since we met, my son has been hospitalized with a collapsed lung, my ex has cut my daughter out of his life, my father died, and they've found 3 cysts in my uterus. That's in 4 months. On his end, his ex has called DFS on him and played numerous mind games with him, he's gone thru very unsuccssful mediation and a divorce trial, and he has been reunited with his son. How can two people start a relationship with all of that going on? Is it possible? I don't know.

nvr...thank you for checking in on my so often, and giving me so much feedback and support. I feel like a total emotional wreck lately, and I wish that would end. Someday...

April 1, 2007
10:40 am
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
212sp_Permalink sp_Print

Ready: Your exH is such a PIG.

I can't belive he would show up at the funeral and then act like that. You would think if he was going to make an appearance he could at least act civilly at a time like that. emotions are already raw, and then to add that a-hole into the mix, it makes my stomach hurt.

Somehow I missed what happened with your daughter and your ex, sounds pretty ugly though. Poor kid.

It took me months to get back to normal after my Mom died. I just gave up trying to work, closed up my biz for awhile, took a vacation just to get away. And then the holidays were here which brought it all up again, new emotions to face. I think its still going to take awhile.

So be gentle with yourself, don't take on anything so don't have to, be selfish and take care of yourself.

As far as the new guy, just keep talking to him, maintain the friendship for now and don't try to have any wild expectations, you've both got a lot on your plate.

PD was there for me every single day when my Mom died, it was so comforting to have someone close to talk to.

SD

April 2, 2007
8:56 am
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
213sp_Permalink sp_Print

Okay...so the funeral is over, and my family has all left town. I spent last night reflecting on how this guy reacted to this trauma in my life.

I have to remember that we met two days before my dad died, and I told him I wanted to slow things down. That he was still dealing with his divorce, and I was trying to get my daughter thru a difficult time with her dad. So I asked for that to happen.

Two days later, my dad died. I called him, and he really listened. We talked for a long time, until my sister called from another country, and I asked him to hold on. When I got back to him, he had hung up. I called back to leave a message, but he didn't call me back.

The next day, he texted me to ask how I was doing. Later in the day, I called him, and he spent a lot of the conversation talking about his STBX and how she was being difficult about their son. He did finally ask how I was doing.

No word from him for a few days after that, until I texted him on Thursday. It was kind of small talk. I texted him again on Friday, and got the same small talk. Sunday, he called after he had dropped his son off to his ex, and left a message about how she had behaved at the drop off. I called him back, but he didn't answer. I texted him later, and he was pretty evasive. Told me he was feeling down because he missed his son, and couldn't talk right then and was going to spend the evening with his daughter. Said he'd call the next day (which is today).

I know I asked for things to slow down, and set up my boundaries about him talking about his ex. He has definitely slowed things down, but still talks about his ex every time we communicate. And, considering I just lost my father...I don't think he has really tried to be there for me. He wants to get together this weekend. I honestly don't know what to do.

And I don't have enough Xanax to last until then. Not sure I can break up with someone and lose my father in the same week. And deal with my crazy ex, who hasn't talked to my daughter about losing her grandpa but showed up at the funeral and ignored all of us. Then called her the next day to insist that she come to his house because it was "his weekend". I really feel like I'm trapped in a bad episode of "Men Behaving Badly".

April 2, 2007
9:32 am
Avatar
2bstrong
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
214sp_Permalink sp_Print

Hi ready...thank you for the thoughts and support for me through this drama with Dr. B. It has been hard, and your kindness means a lot to me. Thank you for the prayers, too. I believe they will help me--and I offer the same to you.

I remember when my brother died in 1997, how things were hazy, and seemed to be in slow motion for a long time. I finally started taking Zoloft after about 9 months of grieving and having difficulty in just about every area of my life.

You guy is so focused on his "transition". I don't believe that he is really available to you at this time. It sounds as if he needs to get through this divorce before he can begin to focus on a healthy relationship with you, or anyone for that matter. It takes a lot of emotional energy to get through a break-up of any kind.

I could use myself as an example: I was so hung up on Dr. B, that I couldn't fully be there for Harley when we were dating. I liked Harley a lot, and even though it probably wouldn't have worked out in the long run, I made it more difficult by being so wrapped up in Dr. B. I hope this makes sense.

I hope you focus more on YOU. You don't have to make any decisions about this guy right now. Just be. Be kind to yourself. You've been through so much.

Love to you--2b

April 2, 2007
10:03 am
Avatar
lettingo
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
215sp_Permalink sp_Print

Ready,Sorry you are going through this all a once! We have been in similar situations. My ex was being a total drunk and crazy person out on relaspes when my father was dying from Lou Gerhigs disease. When he did die, I couldn't get a hold of my now ex because he was in a half way house cleaning up. I finally did but it SUCKS when you are alone during the hardest part of your life. Special when you lose that man in your life, your father. Seven months after my father died, my ex had his last relapse, we separated and divorced after that. It was so hard dealing with both losses. Pray and be around people who can support you. This is a hard time but like you said, you are strong and you will get through this. I know you will make the right decision regarding BF. You have a good head on your shoulders and you seem to listen to that inner voice. Hugs!

April 2, 2007
10:53 am
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
216sp_Permalink sp_Print

2b...thank you so much. You have given me the completely correct perspective on this. I need to focus on ME and only me. I told this guy I wanted to slow down, and the death of my father should not mean that he should run to my side to hold me together. I have plenty of friends and family for that. I don't want to make decisions about stepping up my relationship with this guy simply because I am grieving about my father. That would be a bad decision all the way around. And I know I'm not emotionally stable enough to make decisions like that, and frankly, neither is he.

lettingo...I don't feel so strong right now, but I know I can get through this. I feel numb right now, and I just feel like I need someone to hold me. But, I don't want to cling to someone who isn't available to me. I can get through this...thanks for your support.

April 2, 2007
10:20 pm
Avatar
nvr2late
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
217sp_Permalink sp_Print

ready!
awwww..hugs!
and you know, I know that feeling of 'why was I not enough'? I deal with that everyday...hearing about my ex and his g/f...it is rough, it does get better...but it is a difficult thing to have that reaction.

I have given up, I know it was not me and I know it could never go back to what was....so, I am at peace with that and the things he does, it is like...'yeah, this is why I divorced him'

we are strong women...we are!
things we get to deal with are not fair!!! and we have emotions that I am not going to make excuses for anymore..it is ok to have them and have feelings and to tell people what we want!!!!

so, let's start doing that!
🙂

nvr

April 2, 2007
10:55 pm
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
218sp_Permalink sp_Print

nvr...thank you so much. You are right! I had a LONG talk with the "BF" today. It was good. We caught up on what was going on in both of our lives. When we were finished, I really felt that I didn't need this guy to get me through this time. I'm gonna be okay. I have other people to lean on. And I decided I was going to do just that. Have a good time with him, enjoy our dates, but not take things too serioiusly.

A good friend still wants me to meet a guy she knows...and a good friend wants me to go to a singles group with her. Keep my prospects open. Have fun. Enjoy life...each minute is a blessing. There's no time to dwell and obsess.

I've resurrected "The Thankful Thread"...check it out. Because we all have so much to be thankful for.

((((all of my dear AAC friends who support me so much)))

April 3, 2007
9:00 am
Avatar
nvr2late
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
219sp_Permalink sp_Print

ready!
good for you!
yes, sometimes we have to take a step back and not have expectations...
and not take things too seriously!

have fun, enjoy life...you are great without a man!

it is a good thing to have someone to do things with...without expecting them to make YOU happy!!!

you can only do that yourself!

🙂

nvr

April 3, 2007
2:02 pm
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
220sp_Permalink sp_Print

nvr...you know, somehow this whole experience with my dad has helped me get some perspective about my relationship with this guy. I enjoy spending time with him, what little we have together. I don't see this being long term, but I think we could truly be good friends. We're both experiencing lots of turmoil lately, and can be both support and a diversion from all of that. And I'm just going to have fun with that...and let it go from there. Wow, progress, huh?

April 3, 2007
9:19 pm
Avatar
nvr2late
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
221sp_Permalink sp_Print

that truly IS progress!!! I think once we get over the 'obsession' it is easier to put it all in perspective.

and yes, support and a diversion is not a bad thing...it is sometimes nice to just take a 'break' from reality and just have a good time!

and that is what you have to do...have fun with it...and go from there.

who knows what will happen..there is no sense in trying to control it..

just let it be and have FUN...

you deserve FUN!!!!

nvr

April 4, 2007
11:23 am
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
222sp_Permalink sp_Print

Well, I do consider it progress. I sent him a text yesterday just to say hope you're having a good day. He hasn't responded,and I am not worried about it. I figure he's busy, or his ex is driving him insane, or he'll reply when he has time. Or not, and I'll go from there. I just don't want to be dependent on him for support and I know he's not really emotionally available...so, when we can talk, great, and when we can't, that's okay too. We're supposed to get together this weekend...to do something fun.

April 4, 2007
3:09 pm
Avatar
nvr2late
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
223sp_Permalink sp_Print

yes, have fun!
don't obsess..don't make every conversation a heavy conversation.
who knows where things will go.

I am working on that...trying not to control anything.

and to just have some fun.

I am finding the peace of living alone is kind of nice...almost way too nice!

that scares me too!

nvr

April 6, 2007
9:36 pm
Avatar
readyforachange
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 6
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
224sp_Permalink sp_Print

Why is this so hard for me sometimes? I guess I will just never learn how to read people.

So he calls yesterday. We've talked a few times this week. We had planned to do something this weekend, probably on Saturday.

Yesterday when he called, he said that his ex "forgot" that it was her weekend this weekend, and that he was waiting for a call from her about whether his daughter would be with him this weekend. He tells me he'll call me today.

It's 8:30 p.m. No call. I think it's a test. He won't call, wants me to call him. I will not.

He won't call tomorrow either...will wait for me to call, hysterical, saying "Why didn't you call me, and are we still going out tonight?" I will not.

I asked him to not contact me any more several weeks ago. He respected that request for less than a week. Sent me a text to ask if he could see me so we could "talk". Came to my house two days before my dad died, and we agreed to slow down and just have fun.

Have been talking and texting since then, since my dad died and he was in the middle of the divorce trial.

So...now I'm thinking that since he hasn't called, that the only reason he sucked me back in two weeks ago is so that he could call the shots. I had made the first move to end things, and he couldn't deal with that. So he gets me back, and then plays games with me.

You know, I'm a little sick of men playing mind games with me. My dad died two weeks ago, and my ex is being a total pain in the ass...showing up at my dad's funeral and ignoring my kids, sending me crazy emails telling me I'm the only one he ever wanted. And this guy, telling me he wants to "talk", and then kind of being distant and unresponsive for the past two weeks. WTF?

How much of this crap am I supposed to take? I am just SOOOOO tired of people screwing with my feelings. Why do I let this happen over and over again? Why don't people have any decency. I mean, I just lost my dad. Wouldn't you think people could be civilized.

I know it's only a phone call. But we are supposed to have a date tomorrow night, and I'd kind of like to know if he's going to break it so I can plan to do something else. Isn't that just the decent thing to do? He should know by now if he is going to have his daughter tomorrow night, right? And she is 13 years old, it's not like she needs a babysitter for God's sake. He has more than 50% custody of her, so it's not like he never sees her or I'm demanding too much of his time. I haven't seen him in over two weeks.

I don't think I should have to wait until the last minute to know what my plans are...and when someone says they will call me, I expect a call.

Okay, I think I'm obsessing again. It was a bad day. Went to my mom's and she's finally starting to fall apart. It's hard to watch, and I'm pretty emotional. This isn't helping.

April 7, 2007
8:27 am
Avatar
nvr2late
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
225sp_Permalink sp_Print

ready!
oh my!!! give yourself a break..things are tough right now, you can obsess!
and is it so hard for someone to do what they say they will?????
I don't get it either!

my advice, I know it sucks...is to make other plans.
don't wait around for him...you had a life before him and you will have one after him.
and then when he comes back and says..'i thought we had plans'...
you can say..'so did I but you did not call, so I made other ones.'

then they LEARN what you will and will not put up with!

we teach people how to treat us, and I don't know if he did that to you so he could play with your feelings..I am not sure some men realize we do have feelings...
unfortunately he seems clueless..or cannot focus on more than one thing at a time?

I am tired of the men in my life playing with my feelings..so I tell them...'sorry..I am human and a woman, you cannot deal with emotions, then you need to stay away'!'

you have every right to expect certain things from this man, HE contact YOU!
and HE has to take responsibility for what comes out of his mouth...even if he has been drinking, thinking, or going with his feelings at the time.
you are NOT to be played with! I hate that!!!!

I have my ex-whatever he was...playing the same games...he is jealous of me dating anyone else..but he does not want to make the commitment to me...so I told him, 'get your shit together and leave me alone'...he cannot leave me alone!

but he cannot tell me what he is feeling either.
so I told him....I need communication (my expectations in our friendship or whatever it is)....and if he cannot give that to me, fine..TELL ME...
so I have him coming over today to discuss this...2 years in the making!
I will not back down on this...

we need to say what we expect and want if these guys are to stay around!
otherwise...let them find some other women that will let her feelings get played with.

we know so much more of what we want...and what we need.
men like that about us...maybe they think it will rub off on them????

if you are going to have fun and take things slow..then you have to take a step back and think if this is what you want for the rest of your life...you may hurt now..but it will hurt more later down the road.
take a good look at what you are in for!

I believe some guys do not like US to have the power to let go...so they suck us back in...which is tough!
you just need to take a look at what he is capable of...and go from there.
and do what you need to do to make you happy!

you are very vulnerable right now and hear what you want to hear...your dad just died...that is SO hard!
but if he does not understand that, is he worth having around?
I do not know the answers..it just seems like us women are the strong ones...but we let our emotions cloud things once in awhile.

you are doing great!!! with all that is going on! please believe you are doing what is right for you!
you are the only one that will do what is right for you!!!!

HUGS!!!
nvr

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
35
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111121
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38715
Posts: 714567
Newest Members:
lovingLaa, zokgassi, Wilthe, Marek, ssdchemical33, jack1palmer
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information