Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_TopicIcon
Why am I obsessed with this man? con.....
November 2, 2001
9:52 pm
Avatar
ShellyG
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi again..I want to thank everyone for your input....hopefully, I'll gain some understanding to all of this...
I do believe that I'm dealing with childhood issues here....My father was definitely a manic depressant and a workaholic....Never showed any of us kids love...In fact, I remember as a little girl going up to him and giving him a hug....he pushed me away..and said not now.....It still bothers me.....always catagorized us....we never could express our opinions...emotions...or love to him.....
My boyfriend was alot like him in many ways...perfectionist in his work...workaholic...kept his emotions inside....never liked critizism...always had this idea that everyone owed him....or he always tried to please everyone with the exception of me....and seemed miserable and depressed all the time.....alcohol and drugs were his security blanket....His father and brother are alcoholics...came from a broken family.....dad was always running around with different woman.....left the mother with the kids...she had to support 3 kids on her own...very poor....My ex use to cry and tell me he never wanted to end up like his father, but to me he is him.....
Unfortunately, my past with my father has affected my relationship with men.....There's definitely a correlation to all of this....and thanks to alot of what was said in all of your posts...I'll gain some profound understanding into the real issues on hand....Thanks so much....your all a great help....Shelly

November 8, 2001
3:16 pm
Avatar
fxi
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think that it may be easier for you to try a gestalt technique called the empty chair technique before actually confronting your father. This technique is very effective for role playing and rehearsal. It can also be a great means of gaining of gaining a better awareness of yourself and your feelings. I like your advice blondie. This isn't something you should hold onto forever. it olny affects you and your relationships!!! Good luck!!

November 8, 2001
4:40 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You know....confronting someone is fine if you're clear on why you're doing it.

If....you are confronting wanting something from them, as if you saying whatever is going to majorly turn on a big lightbulb and they are going to turn around from a lifetime of doing whatever and suddenly become remorseful and change - you're probably in for a very rude awakening.

Alot of people get to told to - Go Confront!!! Yeah, well, that's all fine and good but if you go with the wrong expectations - you're going to get the wind knocked out of you.

You only confront people for two reasons. One is because - there is real Hope and Reason to believe they have the capacity to - hear you, consider what you say and maybe reconcile or sincerely apologize and mend things, even if it means moving on. OR, it's to confront - to only tell them - how you feel - expecting nothing from them at all.

You have to be Real careful - what category you are operating from. Most of the time we are in one - and should be - in the other camp.

When I confronted my father, who abused me horribly - I simply said to him - Two things I want from you - one is to admit what you did to me - straight in the eye and in a voice I can hear and No. 2 - that you listen to what I have to say. That's it.

He did both. Hated it, I found out later, but he did it. I didn't expect anything from him really. But, what I did - was for me - not him and it did not depend on - what he did at all. If he had of said - No, I won't do either of these I would have said - Fine, because that was his choice.

We can "understand" what has happened to us - but we can't expect a dog to give us cow milk. And we really have to also understand - regardless of how much we want them to be whatever - they may be 100% not willing, or not capable of being that. At some point, we have to open our eyes and see them - for exactly who they are apart from our expectations or needs or desires.

We will still be orphans, but we will be realistic orphans that can do for ourselves and no longer have our hands out to the very people who will chop them off....and have no conscience whatsoever doing it. Some human evil and voidness - you can't understand because you'd have to be evil yourself in order to do that.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
46 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 109308

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38532

Posts: 714177

Newest Members:

poutingDazy, fuhbggbyfDazy, korotkovat2, ctvfDazy, baytxser, muleDazy

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer