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why am i miserable?
October 24, 2001
12:17 pm
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shugarmagnolya
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deep down, i know i have great things going for me...i guess im just in a rut. The thing is i get angry or jealous over little things. Like my sister "adopted" her best friends family, my family isnt very affectionate or close. I get jealous when she starts talking about how close she is to jenni's family cause i want that too. Or I try to bring down other people's good news or bright ideas. I used to hate when people did that to me and now i find myself doing it to others...i just dont know how to stop...
I just cant find myself being supportive for other people...sometimes i get so self-absorbed. I never used to be like that and i get angry because i feel like im not a nice person at times.
i guess im just not happy with myself or where im at in life...my therapist says im going through a transition stage. My confidence is really low.

to top it all off my counselor quit a few weeks ago, the place that schedules me took awhile to find me a new counselor and then i finally had an appointment today and the new counselor cancelled on me. Doesnt that make you feel good?

October 24, 2001
12:39 pm
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Jaskid
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September 30, 2010
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shug
I know what you are feeling. I have been in a rut now for so long I don't know what it feels like to feel good, or even ok. My negative feelings have taken over my life and now I am physically sick because the mind and the body are intertwined. When I start to feel a little bit strong, ("I can do this") something stresses me out and I feel like a ton of bricks have just hit me all over again. I know your sadness when you see other peoples lives going well. I have been waiting for someone to fix my life but I know that is not going to happen. Somewhere inside me there has to be the strength to climb out of this pit on my own. Every second is a constant battle. When we feel so lousy we want others to feel our pain, but they can't. Then that's when we start treating them bad because we think they should read our minds. I don't have a set answer for you because I am trying to find one for myself...but if this comforts you at all, I know what you are going through.

:)Jaskid

October 24, 2001
2:11 pm
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Molly
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Jaskid, glad to hear, your still trying. Hey when we are weak, it doesn't take much remember, the straw that broke the camel's back, how true.
its just like rehashing the crap, when we have such a long list, we let time pass, and most of it really was just a trivial straw, well most of it.
I have to agree, you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends, and make those your family, but you have to go out and find them, and gotta be liking your self, so others will too. Baby steps, commit to one thing every day different, but commitment is the signifigant thing, heck no one else cares, so they will always get in your way, you have to take care of your needs, darn it. We are responsible for our thoughts, actions, and the hell we choose to stay in, there are no locks on the doors. Find your music and dance your way right to where you want to be, and turn up the volume, who cares, let them complain about what they call noise!!!!!!!!!!!!!

October 24, 2001
2:25 pm
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dainacent
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September 24, 2010
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i am always so angry and i think that crying makes me feel better. well it's not i have a serious relationship with my boyfriend who has been married and divorced and he is getting tired of my ugly bitterness and angryness and hateful ness i don't want to act this way i want us to be a happy family together i have lots of bad thoughts and i want them to go away why where are these nasty thoughts coming from??????????

October 24, 2001
5:49 pm
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shugarmagnolya
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September 27, 2010
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geez, other people's problems make my own problems seem so small. Sometimes i just dont seem to get the bigger picture. Things always seem so much harder than they really are until someone else puts it into perspective for me.
I just figured out that i need a plan or at least a goal. I realize that the best thing for me is to move away from my family. I can appreciate them so much more when im gone. And I feel like im a stronger person cause im forced to live on my own terms and not let them influence me as much or bring me down.
i just need to get out there and live. start over. Get some of my own confidence back by grabbing hold of the situation.
The main problem is im in a big financial mess. I have to see if a friend of mine will let me live with her while i get enough money to handle things. i know everything will be okay, maybe when i finally feel good about myself, i can stop this bitter/angry crap.
yes, but i understand the big heap of pain. i feel like i let it go for so long that all of the different emotions are entangled in this huge mess. I dont know which one to let loose first because they are too entangled. I dont even know where to start.

October 24, 2001
9:29 pm
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Molly
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Change of your environment is a great start, just take it from there once your there. Good move, good work. Start an what I am angry at list, its insightful.

October 26, 2001
6:49 pm
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roy
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September 24, 2010
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I'M A 38 YEARS OLD MAN, A QUIT A GREAT JOB JUST BEACUSE I WAS SO LOW, THAT A I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE I COUDN'T MAKE IT. I WAS FEELING SO BLUE THAT I EVEN WAS TRINKING IN KILLING MY SELF. NOW I'M LOOKING FOR A NEW JOB BUT I'M SO SURE THAT EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE OK.ROY.

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