Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Who's on tonite??
November 5, 2004
10:51 pm
Avatar
bubishi76
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Vent girl Vent.

November 5, 2004
10:54 pm
Avatar
bubishi76
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

So,
You say that he's not listened for all that time. Did you guys have kids right from the beginning?

November 5, 2004
10:59 pm
Avatar
bubishi76
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Did everyone disappear?

November 5, 2004
10:59 pm
Avatar
iwannaberel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I was five months pregnant walking down the isle. That was the reason for the wedding. then child number two then child number 3.

November 5, 2004
10:59 pm
Avatar
Level _7
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Walking away after all that time is
called "reaching your limit".. I've been married for 10 years and could comfortably walk away... I just realized I was wasting my OWN time waiting for him to change, waiting for him to notice me, waiting for him to love me... Truly, he is a sucky human sometimes, but he didn't make the choice for me to wait around, I did... I am responsible for my recovery.. I am responsible for my limits and boundaries... Him changing still does not equal = me recovering from codepenency issues and being healthy.. It starts with you, not him/her... When that thought becomes crystal clear in your head, that is the moment when the past becomes irrelevent and unchangeable, and you leave so that you can have a future before it's too late...

November 5, 2004
11:03 pm
Avatar
bubishi76
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

10 years, 18 years. That's just really crazy to me. I mean, I understand what you're saying about limits. I just wonder how it reaches a level where people don't want to sit down and work it out. I mean, If you love someone, you should always work it out right? Don't you think.

November 5, 2004
11:05 pm
Avatar
Level _7
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

That depends on whether or not they actually loved you to begin with... Mine's narcissistic and hid it well, because I really didn't understand it.. I had self-worth issues and always thought I was the "bad" one, so to speak... Then I got wise.. Then I started to have my own life.. Then I realized he probably won't change..

I love him, do not ever mistake, but I'm actually capable of a two-way relationship, he is not.. It does not pay to beat a dead horse....

November 5, 2004
11:11 pm
Avatar
bubishi76
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I understand Level. I guess because of the issues that me and mine have, I'm trying to better understand different situations and manners of thinking so I can be a better person. For her and me. I've been having to do alot of work on understanding space.

November 5, 2004
11:19 pm
Avatar
bubishi76
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello?

November 5, 2004
11:27 pm
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Bub

November 5, 2004
11:30 pm
Avatar
sewunique
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi yall
Is it too late to jin n?

November 5, 2004
11:30 pm
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

well I just got here! How is everyone?

November 5, 2004
11:32 pm
Avatar
bubishi76
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey Art,
How you doin?

Hey Sew,
Are you new? I haven't seen you before

November 5, 2004
11:33 pm
Avatar
bubishi76
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well,
Missing my girl tonite. Boy, that's becoming common place huh.

November 5, 2004
11:34 pm
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Bub,
I'm doing OK. Bub, I know you talked to her on the phone a couple times recently...is she still deciding?

November 5, 2004
11:37 pm
Avatar
sewunique
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Bub,
I have posted couple times in past week; new here. Just spending the eve reading all the posts.
I feel for you and your situation; sounds like a tough one. Good help here with the gang; sounds like a great support group. You know a lot of the names here! How long you been posting? Does it help at all?

Did you ever go for that chocolate cake? <<>>

November 5, 2004
11:37 pm
Avatar
Level _7
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm here. I've read alot of your posts, and I see you as I USED to be in my situation... And everybody that has been telling you to get out of the house and not wait by the phone for her have been right-on.. Believe me, I understand that icky feeling and how hard it is... But you have to be there for you, and not rely on someone else, ever, to make you happy or complete... And like I said, that process has to start before she gets back, because her coming back and things being OK does not equal = you getting over your issues and being healthy.. Seriously... That IS the way you stop hurting permanently, because, like someone said in another post, your reaction to things not working out should be "OMG don't leave me", it should be, "OK, here let me help you pack"...

That is were I'm at now, because me husband tried to leave me twice... The second time he did it and laid everything at my feet I said, "I deserve better, and you know where the door is"... I called his bluff, and he didn't leave.. He said,"I'm not happy".. Again I said, "Is that my fault, or have you not done the work to be happy with yourself?"... The point being, we never talk.. About anything.. He never talks about himself..I ask what he wants, what he likes, what he needs, and he says,"I don't know"... Well, gosh, I can't really work with that, can I? Nobody can... And I'm not mind reader... So when he figures out who he is and what the heck he really wants, I will be MORE than happy to have a loving, compromising, work-it-out conversation.. I am actually committed to the marriage... However, until then, I'm working on me, and re-discovering who that great person is that I am... If he doesn't want to go somewhere, guess what I go with my friends.. I live regardless or whether or not he's happy with me.. I'm happy with me and that's all that counts...

November 5, 2004
11:38 pm
Avatar
bubishi76
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yesterday was the last time I heard from her. She told me that she had to give her dad 1000 that he loaned her earlier in the summer. She said that she was worried about the rent that she would try to pay me as much as she could. I'm not worried about it. I just hope that she's not using it for another place or something. She said she still hasn't decided anything yet. I told her that home was here when she was ready.

November 5, 2004
11:41 pm
Avatar
bubishi76
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sew,
Been posting for about 2 weeks. Got some carrot cake tonight. The night I went for the chocolate cake didn't turn out so well.

November 5, 2004
11:46 pm
Avatar
Level _7
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I worried about the same thing ( rent a place) every time my husband hoarded a few extra bucks... Then I realized, know what? He's gonna do what he's gonna do, and there isn't anything I can do about it... And you don't need to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you, just let it go.. If you believe in God, just take it as a sign he has someone better in store for you... If you don't believe in God, call it fate, kharma, destiny, what ever, but just realize there is more to life than today and the empty feeling you have... Tomorrow is a new chance to what ever you want with your life.. Take it...

November 5, 2004
11:48 pm
Avatar
bubishi76
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Level,
There is a difference here between you and I. My thing is not over. May not be in te greatest of positions right now, but it isn't over.

November 5, 2004
11:50 pm
Avatar
art angel
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Bub,

oh yeah I remember reading about the money thing....I hope everything works out for you. Are you feeling better about not calling? do you still hurt as much as you did?

Level 7, great advice! You sound like you know what you need and want--you're very strong! I admire you.

November 5, 2004
11:55 pm
Avatar
bubishi76
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Art,
Yeah, I'm still hurting and still want the call. I'm missing her and still don't understand what may be going on in her mind. I'm trying to go with that concept- "if you love someone, let them go, if they come back they're yours forever, if they don't, they were never really yours to begin with." I am surrounded by cards and such from my last b-day. Ahh, that was wen she told me she loved me all the time.

November 5, 2004
11:57 pm
Avatar
Level _7
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

there is no difference... I am still married.. I sleep in the same bed with someone who ignores me as a human, imagine that... And it isn't over, I still have hope... The only difference is that if the other shoe fianlly drops and he bails for good, I will be perfectly OK, in the sense that I have built a life that is independent of him and provides me ways to be proud of myself and happy whether he notices me or not... I have not in any way excluded him from my life, he is welcome to know everything about me, go where I go, do what I do, he just chooses not to, and that is perfectly OK..

Also, this would have to be perfectly OK, even if we were happy with each other... That is interdependence and it is healthy to have separate interests and "space" once in a while.. The trick is to balance it and that is my ultimate goal... But the WHOLE point being, in your case as this relates, is that, while she may have bailed out for a while, you are the one who chooses to wait, or be sad, ect.,.. Truly it is not easy ti have your heart broken, still you are the only one who can fix it.. Not her, not anyone else.. You are the only one with that mighty power.. Think about it....

November 6, 2004
12:00 am
Avatar
Level _7
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
100sp_Permalink sp_Print

thank you ArtAngel... I try... I am getting stronger, but all you guys are helping! 🙂

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
21
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714259
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information