Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
who is in control
March 15, 2007
10:35 am
Avatar
TANKER
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My couselor moved away to get married giving me 1 week notice ,She told me because such short notice we would email and chat.She passed me on to another counseler who when she found out cut off all contact .and tossed me out on my ear Now the other counselor is back they will not let me talk to her .they have even called the police on me .This lady has a part of my heart in her purse and the others must think it is a joke .After almost 2 years of pouring my heart out to her you would think I would at least get a hello not sent to jail .

Is there anyone that controls these people ?
Because of this I have tried to kill myself 5or6 times with no luck

March 15, 2007
10:41 am
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

There is usually a medical board they report to.

I guess my question would be - why did she have you put in jail? and why do you want to kill yourself?

I think that counselors have every right to "drop" a patient - it does happen, tho little to no notice is not all that professional. But I don't think there is a law against it.

March 15, 2007
10:56 am
Avatar
cyndra820
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tanker,

I don't know why they called the police on you, but you can file a complaint with the licensing board about her behvior. Even if she's not an MD she is still regulated by a state licensing agency. Find out what you have to do to file a formal complaint.

Best Wishes,
Cyndra

March 15, 2007
11:04 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am so sorry that this happened to you. It is not a very kind way to treat another human being. Not only do you not know why this happened, it has impacted you adversely. I highly recommend that you seek out a new counselor that will help you work through these feelings. Some counselors aren't very professional. They are humans who make mistakes. Not all counselors are like that. Do you feel like you can trust yourself to find a new counselor not associated with these? Your new counselor may be able to help you find some answers.

You are worth living a healthy life! My Best to you Tanker.

March 15, 2007
11:54 am
Avatar
revelation
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tanker....are these licenced therapists? Are they a part of any regulating authority? If so then you should be able to make a complaint.

My GOSH, I'm appalled at this, It makes my blood boil. By the summer I will be taking my own clients, I'm aware that therapists have a bad name, and behaviour like this is the reason why...I'm not sure of the whole story here...but if I were you I would check the cod of ethics for the body they are affiliated to. And if they are not affiliated to any organisation, then they probably are not licenced and you should stay well away from them.

March 16, 2007
11:05 am
Avatar
TANKER
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for the kind words I am in Canada so I need to know who is in charge here

March 16, 2007
11:12 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

We have a site coordinator, SC, who has created this site to learn about ourselves. There are no professionals here, just people like you that remain anonymous and talk to others about their feelings, goals, problems/solutions, and share a sense of fellowship. There are other posters from all over too!

March 17, 2007
9:02 am
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tanker,

So sorry to hear about your horrible experience. Have had bad and good counselors too. I agree with some of the other posters... find a new counselor not at all associated with this one. Report her behavior to the board.

I just googled a bit and found this. If you contact them, they should know who you should contact to report her unprofessional actions

http://www.ccacc.ca/

Canadian Counselling Association
16 Concourse Gate, Suite 600
Ottawa, On
K2E 7S8
Tel: (613) 237-1099
Toll free: 1-877-765-5565
Fax: 613-237-9786

You are worthy of a good life. You are important. Your life is worth a lot more than this poor behavior on the part of your former counselor. Hang in there and keep trying to heal from your wounds. Things will change.

Hugs,
Chelonia

March 17, 2007
2:12 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You´re in control, Tanker! You just have to find the counselor that helps you see that. I empathize with your pain. The good out of this is you are here to live a full life and look for the counseling that empowers you to do that. Too bad your story makes us feel like we can´t trust a counselor 100%. If it were my counselor shed ask: does anyone need to be in control? So define control, codependence and what you need, then go after it. This site has old threads on various topics that you can search by keyword on the upper left corner of the discussions page. These posts are from real people like you and me who "have been there". All the best!

March 19, 2007
8:00 am
Avatar
TANKER
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Chelonia

you can only guess what i am going through I have to find someway of righting this before it is done to someone else

March 19, 2007
8:38 am
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tanker -

something to think about -

do you want to tell someone because you want to prevent it from happening to someone else?

or

do you want to tell someone because you either want her attention OR you want to get her in trouble as payback for the pain she caused (vengance).

make sure your motives are true.

Because one of the best ways to stay STUCK in a situation is to continue to worry/obsess/stew over it and keep the situation going by dragging things out.

Your therapist DID cross boundary lines...but I think that your actions already have brought that to someone's attention...when you told the other new therapists.

I just wonder if it's really worth going after her for anything more.

March 19, 2007
11:52 am
Avatar
TANKER
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi risingfromtheashes

you may be right I should let it go but it hurts so much to be rejected by someone who said she was my friend .Not even taking the time to call or reply to an email .I have told a few people about her and not sure where to go now .She has set my recovery back almost to day one .why should I let go now I pay for her mistake every second of every day .Who do I trust now ???

Do you not think she should pay more than me after all she got paid to do this to me ?

March 19, 2007
12:32 pm
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think that no matter what is done to her, you will not really feel like it's "enough".

you can't put a price tag on how you feel. And tho it would feel good to "get her back"...it never takes away the hurt you feel.

so, use THAT energy to work on fixing your hurt.

Do I think she should be held accountable for doing what she did? Sure. She was a professional that crossed the line.

BUT - is it going to do YOU any justice by focusing on how to make her pay...or will you be better served by working thru it and trying again.

Can you trust anyone again? That's why I suggested a male therapist...so you don't have to worry about having your heart broken (unless you may be gay, then it may not be a smart idea)...but you get my point. It would be easier if you knew you didn't have to guard your heart...or worry about crossing professional boundaries.

I think you may also be discounting the progress you DID make.

I don't think that this put you back at square one. Maybe a bunch of steps backwards, but certainly not at square one. At least it doesn't sound like it.

There is quality help ou there...just keep working at finding it.

And if it makes you feel better...type a professional sounding letter to her boss or company, and mail it...explaining how hurt you are and how unprofessional you felt she was. Then let her bosses deal with it.

March 19, 2007
12:58 pm
Avatar
TANKER
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi risingfromtheashes

You may be right (i may be gay)never thought about it .I called Canadian Counselling Association to see who is in charge and they said no one is in charge anyone can say they are a counsellor and get away with it .And she is not a member of thier Association .
As far as writting to her boss they are the ones who put the police after me for her and i can't talk to them either .I may as well try to kill myself again maybe this time it will work .

March 19, 2007
1:26 pm
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tanker,

it's not worth killing yourself because of someone else...what will that accomplish and who will hurt because of it? your wife, family and friends.

I didn't really mean to call you gay, just saying that if a gay person were seeking counseling, then a same sex counselor wouldn't be the right choice.

But since you seem attracted to opposite sex therapists, perhaps opposite sex therapists would be a better option as far as respecting boundaries and attachments.

I am sorry that your therapist was not licensed or can be held accountable.

In this situation, it is obvious to her supervisors that the relationship crossed boundaries and PERHAPS she has already been reprimanded for it.

In any event, you did all you can do and now you have to move on.

Work on finding a new therapist...you owe it to yourself and your wife. The pain CAN get better. It did once, it CAN again.

don't give up hope.

and next time also make sure that you find a licensed therapist, so the same thing doesn't happen.

March 19, 2007
1:32 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((Tanker))))

I am struggling today too. I know from past experience this too shall pass. Hold on to yourself and know that there is help available. You are so Worth IT! Please don't think of suicide as an option. Be Gentle with yourself and know that you are Worthwhile, and Important. Wouldn't your wife miss you terribly?

March 19, 2007
1:38 pm
Avatar
caraway
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tanker,

No offense intended here, but this sounds a little strange. Folks don't ususally call the cops and drop clients without some kind of reason. It sounds like maybe this counselor never really went anywhere but wanted to get away from you and made something up?

What ever happened here; it sounds like you just need to accept it and let it go. Go somehere else and find someone to help you with your issues. I am afraid that you are just going to end up looking like a stalker if you push this one.

Take care of yourself.

Cary

March 19, 2007
1:44 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Cary, I have felt suicidal and its hard to see through it. Have you ever felt suicidal?

March 19, 2007
1:49 pm
Avatar
caraway
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mj,

I have never felt suicidal, but certainly hopeless at times. I think that it important for friends to step in at those times and keep us from doing anything that we make things worse. If Tanker gets arrested, or blacklisted in some way by the local counseling community things will only get worse.

I just think that there are things we have to step away from in life and this sounds like one of them.

Are you doing ok today?

Cary

March 20, 2007
10:26 am
Avatar
TANKER
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey risingfromtheashes

Do not worry about the guy thing I know what you were saying some times I think being gay would be better .
I would not have attaction to females and could get more personal with them because they could let the gard down .I find sometimes that ladies seem to be afraid that all we men are after is a lover but I want and need friends that will talk to me go for a coffee and just hang around with .This counselor was one of those people .She was dating and would tell me about her dates what the guy was like where they went and so on .In 2 years we never talked about sex just friends ,When she left and shut me out it hurt because i would nexer do that to her

March 20, 2007
10:38 am
Avatar
thewall
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tanker,

It sounds like the counselor overstepped some boundaries with you when she started revealing some of her personal life. However, counselors do have a right to dismiss a patient. All they have to do is refer them to another one. She did all that is required in the United States. I doubt Canada's laws are much different.

There is such a thing as STALKING..trying to constantly be in contact with a person, against their wishes. Sounds like this is what you are doing. There is a law against that and you can go to jail and be charged. I suggest you stop all contact with that office immediately and move on with your life and take your therapy to another office. Then you can work through your loss with the new therapist in the new office.

March 20, 2007
11:34 am
Avatar
risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tanker,

you mention being married - how is that relationship?

do you think maybe you can "find the friend" in your wife and take her out for coffee and to talk?

sometimes having female friends to share personal stuff can negatively affect your marriage...sometimes it is better to keep those kinds of friendships between you and your partner.

while men and women can be friends, there is a fine line...and I wonder if it's hurting your marriage if you are crossing it...even if it's not sexual.

April 9, 2007
12:58 am
Avatar
TANKER
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi risingfromtheashes

My wife says she understands my feelings for Pat .We are closer now than before .After 32 years together she knows me pretty well .

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
27
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110922
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38536
Posts: 714206
Newest Members:
Corties, patrickstayes, kevinkovalsky, izzy39, RoyFollman, kevin021
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer