Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
who do I think I'm kidding?
July 28, 2009
6:24 pm
Avatar
castoff
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I guess there is no doubting the codependent side of me. I always thought if he cheated on me it would be all I needed to get the heck out of dodge, well, I'm still here. I have strong reason to believe that he has something going with his best friends wife. Well, his best friend died about a month ago but I've been suspicious for over a year. I started viewing the cell phone bill calls back then and he would get upset that I was looking at them. Shortly b4 his friend died, I started looking at them online and noticed multiple calls to her #. He said that sometimes his friend used her phone if he couldn't find it or it wasn't charged. I wanted to believe him but I con't to monitor the calls. Finally one night I couldn't take the emotional and mental abuse so I left. I had no where to go, no $ so I slept in my car until my son found me and came to get me. The next day as I was wandering around trying to occupy my time, I went to the library and looked at the bill again. He was texting her for about 3 hours that night. I went home and blew up at him. I experienced feelings that I've never felt b4. I was scared of myself actually. So I came home thinking there was no way she was going to be in my house. That was my first mistake. We con't to fight and of course the only thing he will say is that he did nothing wrong, he becomes evasive when I try to discuss the texts. What *isses me off is the fact that I can't get the content of those texts. I'd bet a million dollars that if I was suspected of killing Michael Jackson they could get that info. Anyway, I wound up seeing a lawyer and they drew up the papers but about 5 days later, they still hadn't served him, I got scared and told them not too. Scared, like a little kid alone in the dark. Thats the best way I can describe it. I found out that this lawyer is a joke so I'm trying to get my $ back seems how they were slackers anyway. I have spoken at length with a different attorney but now I have to get mad enough to do it again. I thought I was going to die the first time. It took me days to get out of bed. By the way, we still live together. Neither one of us can afford our own place. He doesnt' even have a job. Thats my next kicker. He is going to go after me for alimony. If I have to pay him anything I won't have enough to live on. I would do the same to him I guess so where do I get off not expecting it of myself? He however has not wholeheartedly looked for work or taken any steps to make himself marketable. I was outside today after watching the grandkids for a while. I accidently threw a ball in the pool that was intended for the dog. I found myself thinking of how I'm going to lose this house, the kids or grandkids will never be able to come home again, no more grilling and swimming (kids live 2 blocks away and we see them daily), no more of us all spending holidays, birthdays, special occasions together, no more "family". I have no family within 8 hours of here and my family wants nothing to do with me unless I have nothing to complain about. I tried calling my sister the night the texts all came together and she asked if there wasn't a crisis line or something I could call. I don't have any friends, only co-workers, hence the name castoff. I'm a natural person repellent. How do you get over this fear of change and being alone? I'm paralyzed by it. When he's home I need to take anxiolytics to be here with him but when he's not here I want him home. I"ve been in counseling for 7 years to no avail. Will I be stuck in this pergatory forever?

July 28, 2009
6:46 pm
Avatar
It No Longer Matters
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 72
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Eventually you will decide what you can and will tolerate. Only you can do that. We are all here for yoiu...

Bitsy

July 28, 2009
7:11 pm
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I Agree with Bitsy. One of these days you will reach your bottom and then nothing will seem more important than your sanity and dignity. Do you think you may be addicted to drama? This could be why your family wont listen anymore because it's the same thing over and over. I bet you they will be able to listen and support you when you make a change. It's all in your hands. Your husband is doing exactly what he wants to and living a pretty good life with you supporting him. What will it take to start taking care of yourself? I do not understand why the attorney's office took that long to serve him.

July 28, 2009
7:46 pm
Avatar
castoff
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I've often wondered if I'm addicted to drama, its all I've ever known. My mother was schizophrenic so there was always something happening, my husbands family is all about drama and I've asked my counselor what he thinks and he says I'm just reacting to what I'm dealt in my life circumstances, that its not an "addiction". I was pregnant and married at 16 with a not so pleasant past so I don't know if I'm so much addicted as if I just don't how to react without it. Either way, the marriage is toxic. If I am addicted to anything it is of course him. Like an alcoholic, I'm dependent on him whether its good for me or not. I want to take care of myself but I don't know how. Leaving is the one way I think I could but what if the grass isn't greener on the otherside, what I can't do it alone and I mess up even worse?

July 28, 2009
7:53 pm
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Perhaps you can start by re/reading codependent no more and attend some CodA meetings with the intention of working the twelve steps with as sponsor, in addition to your therapy. I found this a safe and useful way to address the issues and hurts I had acquired through my upbringing. You might also consider cognitive therapy which will teach you to stop yourself from repeating similar behavior over and over again. Keep at it and keep posting and reading this site. You are not alone. Many of us can relate to your experiences and emotions.

July 28, 2009
10:01 pm
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

don't worry about what you think you can't do..focus on the positive, you can do anything you want, i truely beleive that, believe in yourself, and know you are worthy!!!

I too used to "wish" my ex bf's would cheat or do something, so that would give me reason to break up with them....then when they did something "bad" i still stuck with them. Why?? i think i was so afraid of being alone, i'd rather take the abuse than be by myself, pretty sad.

I go thru "funks" all the time, worrying about 2morrow, worrying about the would haves, could have and should haves, and it all comes down to "fear"...what am I afraid of??? I challenge fear now, i take it on, and know that I can do so much with my life, if i beleive in myself and know that I am a good person.

I know I am blabbering now, I just want you to know you are not alone. Take that first step on getting healthier, even if its a Coda meeting, even if its going out with a co worker for coffee, even if its signing the divorce papers. You don't know what is going to happen, till it happens, we can't predict the future.

Please keep posting & know you are not alone.

((((camer)))

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
24
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111162
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen, eyeconcepts, junwork52, whitedental
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information