Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
who are you people
July 14, 2006
4:47 pm
Avatar
emphcfr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

are all of you friends...i mean, how many years have some of you been on this website? have any you gotten hurt from things that people have said? is everyone always nice and pleasant and willing to be sensitive? really?

and why is it that some people have 144 messages/responses, how does this happen, while others have only 2 or 3.

i want to be noticed just as much as someone else, but i'm not sure how to be honest about my feelings, about my hurts, a claim my recovery.

please be nice with your words, i just need a space to figure this all out without getting more hurts to add to the list. i wanna be loved and i wanna know that people notice me. that i do get attention. how can i be as important as someone else? and if this is not the question, then how do i not be jealous? i don't want that either. it's so awful to feel shut up by my own feelings. it's awful. i feel distant, not present, and i feel like i wanna hide and i don't want anyone to notice that i'm not being noticed.

but really, i just want people to read my threads, and i don't want to be pitied, or given charity. how do i get to be important. what's the formula? but maybe you are all friends...have known each other for a while...

July 14, 2006
4:55 pm
Avatar
hopeless
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The threads with hundreds of responses are specific... like the no contact one. Everything here is annonymous so you CAN be honest about what you feel. Truth is i came here just like you lost and scared and lonely and just out of the most painful experience i've ever had. Everyone here knows how that feels.. and they all tell you how it is. Its not always pretty to hear but it helps get you through the hard times.

July 14, 2006
5:00 pm
Avatar
lovinglife
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WELCOME emphcfr!!

I didn't know ANY of these warm, loving, kind, wise people a month ago. Would I consider some of them today to be my cyber friends? You bet- I have never felt so accepted, so validated, so heard before. To me this website has been more than just a blessing (speaking of which I should really make a donation!!) its helping me find me.

There seems to be no formula here- its either jump on a thread that you can relate to or start a thread just like you have with your story- and the people will come. And if your not comfortable with sharing yet- just start reading away as you will find some comfort-some strength.

And now that you here- I think you just may have become one of those..."who are you people"!

July 14, 2006
5:13 pm
Avatar
lovinglife
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

and one more thing...if I sound in any way chipper, full of confidence- something like 17 days ago I was anything but...

July 14, 2006
5:37 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WELCOME emphcfr;

My, lots of questions. I have been here almost two years. The way I came here is I was helping a friend thru the book Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie. I wanted to show her there are others like her, and like I was/have been/am at times. If you have not read the book please get it. It is worth every page you will read.

As for getting noticed or not. The threads are for everyone to read and answer if they choose to. Most folks answer the threads according to what they have been thru and if they feel they have any words of encouragement or suggestions. I don't know the magic rule to getting 2, 6, 10, 200 postings. We do have such a diverse group of folks here tho that I think very few posts don't get an answer from someone.

Folks for the most part are compassionate since they have been thru the same type experiences. Yes, I and others have been hurt by what others have posted. The the best thing to do is take what you can use and leave the rest. We are not gonna get thru things w/o steppin on toes at a time or other. The best advice on this is to follow the guidelines. Read them and try to follow them. That way you know what is expected and what to expect.

As for writing your story. Jump in honey. We are all here to support you and help if we can. We are not professionals tho. Just folks like you.

Nice to meet you by the way. 🙂

July 14, 2006
6:57 pm
Avatar
turnabout
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm taking it from the tone of your post that you have tried creating threads already which received a disappointing response. Perhaps no response at all?

Here's the deal ... EVERYONE who posts here wants some attention. EVERYONE who creates a thread wants it to be noticed. (otherwise they wouldn't have bothered, right?) People come here with issues of their own to work through, which will be their main focus (just as yours are to you), or if they're seasoned posters who have worked through the worst of their issues, they've probably created fulfilling lives for themselves which don't allow them much time to go through all the threads and respond. (I've been here over a year, and while I used to spend nearly whole days here, I now skip through the threads and mainly just keep up with some friends I've made over the past year b/c it's all I have time for most days.)

Point is, it isn't personal.

Now, fitting in isn't as tough as it seems. It's kind of like real life. When you walk into a room full of strangers do you say "Hey, I'm here. Look at me," or do you observe for a while and get a feeling for the room to learn how you might relate and who you might relate with? I'd bet the latter. Even the biggest extroverts need to get a sense of their "audience."

Sounds like you've been reading through the threads if you've acquired a sense of community going on here. Many of us have been here for a while and are pretty familiar with each other. That can be daunting for a newbie, but never fear. We were all newbies once, too.

So, the best way to get noticed and fit in is to act the same way as if you walked into any room of strangers. Listen to what people are talking about (read the other threads), speak up when you can relate to an ongoing conversation (post your opinion to an existing thread), notice the other people to whom you most closely relate and stick close to them (follow their threads), and share pieces of yourself along the way. Soon, people will be seeking YOU out and following YOUR threads.

Don't be discouraged if people don't take to you right away. Remember, it takes time to build relationships and to get adjusted in any new place. It's no different here. Be patient with the boards, but mainly, be patient with yourself. The amount of posts any particular thread receives does not reflect it's validity. When I create a thread, I usually do so knowing exactly which three or four posters will visit it and probably no one else. It doesn't matter. I come for support and I get it. I don't think I could do any better with 100 responses than with the 5 or 6 pearls of wisdom I usually get.

Good luck, emphcfr. Don't be discouraged, and keep posting.

turn

July 14, 2006
8:46 pm
Avatar
gracenotes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

empfcfr,

I have only been here for about a week and I arrived here after doing a search on codependency. In this short time, I have posted on threads, started a thread, and having joined the No Contact club thread and have maintained no contact for five days. I find people supportive here but it is also true that it takes time for people to get to know you.

Supportive people have responded to what I have wrote and I feel like I have a whole new support group I can always turn to anytime and anywhere. But, I also feel that my main concern is a little different in that I am not currently having problems with a boyfriend, but my greatest difficulty this past year has been with someone who is female and with whom I had a student-teacher relationship and someone I need to let go of once and for all. But, the process of healing is similar no matter what the outer circumstances and here it seems everyone has been through a lot and has support to offer.

If you're hesitant about jumping in, maybe you can start by responding to some threads. Everyone has their own particular wisdom that they can share.

July 14, 2006
9:46 pm
Avatar
Randomwomen2
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello there sweetheart. I have been here just over a year. Everyone here is so wonderful. Yes sometimes we have out issues but thats life. we always try and be respectful to eachother. Welcome to this site hunny. I cant wait to get to know you.

July 14, 2006
10:12 pm
Avatar
lightchaser
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi there! Yes the above posts are all true. There are many loving and supportive people her. I have been here for sbout 6 months and hsve recieved much good advice and it helps just to read the trials and progress of others.

I have found 1 or 2 really good friends here that I post with daily and it really has helped me in this process of letting go of my ex and moving on you.

I hope you find a little of what you need here

~Light

July 15, 2006
7:58 am
Avatar
startingover
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi and welcome

I found this site after searching codependency. It is the only discussion board I have ever participated on, and I've been here since January.

I read most of the threads, and try to respond to newcomers, sorry if I missed a thread you had posted. After while you will from some connections with people with similar journeys / problems, and you may correspond with them more.

Yes, we're really nice people. Everyone here has been very kind to me. I have received a lot of advice, and it has helped me a lot. Sometimes just knowing that another person has lived through the grief is enough to encourage me.

I hope you continue to post, and if you do, I hope you find the support that many of us have found.

SO

July 15, 2006
9:24 am
Avatar
lonelywoman
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Welcome Emphcr

I too am a 'newbie' and have only been on this site about a week - I was searching the internet for Co-dependent and found this site. I'm just 'getting my feet wet' also... I've posted one thread (got a few responses) and I have read many and spoken to several. I like the atmosphere and the fact that I can remain annonymous. I speak my heart here - which I think is a good thing - I can't promise you that you won't be hurt by what someone says (although - I am SO new -) I haven't seen that happen yet....Please stay away and visit/listen/share....I think you will find it worth your time and effort.

LW

July 15, 2006
9:42 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

welcome emphcr, i have been here almost 3 years, and yes have made some great cyber friends.

I too, have had thread out there where i may not get many responses, and it happens, and I cannot take it personally.

This place is to grow, learn, help and understand others and mostly yourself.

Keep coming back and posting & I bet the more you watch, listen and post the more you will like it.

(((camer))

July 15, 2006
6:36 pm
Avatar
emphcfr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

so nice were the words, someone even called me sweetheart.

i don't know what to do. what do i do?there is so much inside...maybe i should start with my story. i'm not sure why i'm crying. i feel so foolish and so indecisive..

it's too much pressure. i feel too much pressure on me. i feel way way too much pressure.

i can't trust you. i can't. this world that is created here is surreal. how many of you are my neighbors? my neighbors that won't serve me food, or won't attend me in a store? it's hard for me to believe this. are people really this supportive. what have i missed in my life?

i don't want to be mean or put out negative energy. but this is really hard to believe and trust. i don't know if i have the strength to fight against something judgemental or awful someone has to say. i;ve heard stories of people becoming vulnerable and getting torn up afterwards. my mom, when she went to go see a psychiatrist for the first time, he told her she was crazy. and she is only bi-polar. and she's lived with that and many other whatever you call those things that people think, it's awful. i need to find a venue to let out my pain, but it's so hard to trust.

July 15, 2006
7:17 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think it will help you to get your story out. Its ok if it sounds foolish and indecisive, I dont think you will seem that way to any of us. I have a story and felt foolish and indecisive. I even asked people if I was communicating my story to them. The main thing is it helps us to write out our feelings and thoughts. Theres always some nice feedback.

About trust... Its said that for each head theres a sentence, that is, each person will have a say about something. The only person you should really trust is yourself and your higher power whoever it is.

Sometimes people arent able to deal with what we are going through, maybe like your neighbors? What I can say is people here are willing to listen to your woes and show empathy. Hopefully that will be the best thing you can get from another person. Empathy and support to make you feel strong and fight for what you need.

A psychiatrist that says someone is crazy forgets crazy people cant be helped. Your mom may have showed some crazy behavior. Maybe not. Being bipolar is not being crazy. I have recently gone through a depression crisis and attempted suicide. Now thats crazy behavior. I just obsessed too much about it and could see nothing else. But no one here pointed a finger at me. No one labeled me crazy. BTW, my shrink thinks Im bipolar.

July 15, 2006
7:46 pm
Avatar
smarterone
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Welcome, there is nothing to fear. You like everyone else, needs to vent, to have a caring ear, a response, whether immediately or not is just up to how all of our days are going, sometimes we are busy in our real lives and sometimes, we spend time answering. How do we choose topics, i go to the ones that i can relate to or have knowledge so that i can reply in an informative manner. Can you trust it here? More than you can trust telling a stranger on the street. These people know more about me than my own neighbors. Its the best thing for all of us. We cannot force you, but try to convince you that we will be here for you whenever we can. Good luck.

July 15, 2006
8:26 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey E:

This site in anonymous. We could be next door or we could be across the ocean from each other. What makes us good to each other is we have respect and we can relate. I'm sure if you put your story out you'd find others that have similar situation as you.

I know the untrust. By the time my evil x left me I didn't even trust my own folks. But trust comes w/ time and w/ acceptance. Acceptance of you and by you.

We are here for you. If you don't feel comfy sharing right now then don't. Browse thru the threads and see what's goin on. We are here for you when YOU are ready.

🙂

July 15, 2006
8:34 pm
Avatar
loverbee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I too know the feeling of being overlooked and unhelped(if that is a word) and I understand that you are obviously in need of some advice so I was wondering, what threads have you started that haven't gotten responses. I would love to help you out. Just let us know.

July 15, 2006
9:39 pm
Avatar
lightchaser
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It sounds like you are really scared. Alot of us have been scared and even desperate when starting to post here. I for one was a bit desperate for help and for someone to listen to me. that was 6 months ago and I don't know if I would be where I am today if it weren't for the lovely people on this board.

You have some choices here. you can stay in the state youa re in or you can take a chance ( trust just a little) and see if this helps you.

If it doesn't help, you are out nothing are you?

you are getting quite a few responses here, no one here wants to hurt you. When I strted here, the kind words made me cry, just as it did you. I was not used to anyone being kind to me, much less calling me sweatheart. I was not used to being heard or having my feelings validated. Now I know it is what I deserve. I was dying for someone to be kind to me. Just dying.

I cannot promise you that you will have 20 responses to your thread every time. I have started threads that only got 4-5 responses. I took that information and started new threads. I perservered for months and along the way I have come to know so many names that I recognize and a good friend I post to several times a day.

It may take time, but we are here for you.

(((emphcfr))) that is a hug to you, sounds like you need one. Whatever it is, you don't have to be scared. We talk openly about just about anything here, things we can't say to other people.

You have been wholeheartedly invited to join us.

Sending love your way ~Light~

July 15, 2006
9:49 pm
Avatar
emphcfr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

this may sound crazy... sininho we're on that thread together, but some of you sound like people that i truly hate. people that have hurt me, and i want to know who you are. i can't take this. i can't living with this hate and living with this unsure feeling that i'm opening myself up to someone who tore me apart, embarassed me in front of people, humiliated me. and when i respond to people, you know what i think, i think, could this be so and so??? do i really want to offer warm arms and a caring ear to so and so??? hell no is my answer. but i remember that those are just my thoughts, and this anonymity is good for many reasons. but this is one of the reasons why i don't feel that i cant trust. and yes, mamacinnamon
you are right, trust comes with time. but it almost seems as though time is never working for me.

i'm here for you, i'll listen, those words make me feel like i don't want to open myself up or be nice to people, because i'm thinking, i know who you are, i know exactly who you sound like. you could have been one of the people that did me wrong. and why would i want to be nice to you. why? and why would i accept words of encouragement or comfort from someone that could have hurt me badly. ahhhhhhhhhh fuck you!

i create stories in my head of an absolute reality. i want it to end. i really do. i just want to accept people and just do what i feel and think and let that be it. i don't want to complicate the life with what if's anymore and i want to accept a no as easily as a yes. ahhhhh this is fustrating, i'm really fustrated with myself!!!!

that's the root eh? i feel like i'm twirling. and i can't open myself up to trust people on this site, cause i'm expecting someone to say something bad and i'm thinking, i don't want to accept what you say, don't give me emotional charity adam. and even if you're not adam, i still feel that he is all so present in my life trying to 'help' me. the bastard.

July 15, 2006
9:59 pm
Avatar
lightchaser
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am not adam and I don't believe I have ever hurt you, nor do I know you. I don't think anyone here wants to give you emotional charity. We are here firsta nd foremost to help ourselves with our own issues, and if we can lend a hand to someone else along the way then that's great.

I have never been hurt by anyone on these boards. That is not to say that no one has said things I didn't really want to hear. But sometimes those are the things we need to hear most.

You don't have to accept what people say. I don't always think the advice given to me is accurate but that is usually because I haven't given all the information I should have. It's always good to get different viewpoints though.

So, your issue now is to trust or not to trust. What has happened here so far that makes you not trust us? Is it all because you think you might actually know who we are? Well I can guarantee you, I have no idea who you are and I don't want to know. That would be no good for you.

I don't know what else to say, but if you want to open up, do it. If you don't want to, thats okay too.

I hope you will be okay. I will be checking back

July 15, 2006
10:01 pm
Avatar
loverbee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Let me ask you a question. now granted I am sure there are people that have said some really hurtful things, but the question is, why are you focusing so much on those people and ignoring the fact that there are some very caring people on this sight who probably have given you some good advice. Where is all that anger coming from and is it really those people that you completely don't know and havent given you any reason to want to know them that you are angry at. In your life outside of this site, it would seem to me that you probably have a lot of people who have ignored you and haven't "noticed you" and those are the people you are completely angry at. I mean really, like you said, you don't even know many of us so don't you think hate is too strong a word and do you really want to be giving those people your time to say nasty things to them when you could be spending your time more wisely by getting some good advice. Just a suggestion and that isn't to invalidate your feelings, just to help you move past them.

July 15, 2006
10:29 pm
Avatar
emphcfr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ok, i'll give myself the option of trusting. whereas before, i totally disregarded trust altogether. you see i need to find healing. and loverbee, it's hard to accept your words, cause the first thing that i'm thinking is, this person, i'm thinking of you as a she, she's being hard on me. she thinks she knows more than me, and she thinks that she can help me.

i'm torn. i really dont mean to push you away. you see, i'm telling you my thoughts in their raw state, so that i can get past them. i want to soooooooo much. i do, i have lots of anger from past relationships, people that are still in my life currently. and i'm fustrated with this relationship with a guy that i have. i'm feel like i'm emotionally pushed around, but not as much as before.

i just don't know how to think of reality. how do i get to the bottom of all these lies that i've belived and how can i just love. period. with not all the other baggage and shit along with it. i'll try not to cuss in the future, but i just feel it gets my point across. and while we're talking about anger, what do i do with this?

lightchase don't be offended by my words. as i mentioned earlier, i say what i'm thinking in its raw state to get to the root of the problem.

i loved that you are checking back in on me thanks. and my point about me knowing who you are is to show that we think of reality in a distorted way. your ideas of something are clearly not mine. and if i think someone is on this site, it's a reflection of my perspective and it's a perfect opportunity to get to the emotions behind those thoughts. there's no way for me to know who is who. the real purpose for anonymity. so i would have rather have liked to hear, "i may have hurt you, you may have hurt me, we may be working buddies, or old classmates. regardless of our past actions, our past hurts, our current issues, beneath are actions, are people who want to be heal and offer support to someone else. "

this is where i want to emotionally reach. although i think adam, soula, rod is on this site, i can get to a place that although they have seriously hurt me in the past, that these same characters can be a part of my healing. maybe this is too idealistic. it doesn't at all mean that i'll go and start friendships with them and thank them for their kind words. it just means that i can accept the dichotomy of being human. we as humans posess the power to do both good and evil. at any given moment we can be working from either side.

i hope this makes sense. and i hope that i didn't sound crazy. i'm trying to figure out my healing process and how to do this. there is a lot going on with me inside, as i imagine, with everyone.

i hope that i can get back to the story of the guy that i like.

preciate the support! but i don't have to say that now do i :0)

July 15, 2006
10:34 pm
Avatar
loverbee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, I am a she so you were right on. And you know why i am saying this to you? Its not cause i know more than you at all, its cause I have been there and done the exact same thing as you are doing and maybe I was feeling similar ( I cant say exactly because I am not going to presume I know how you feel.) I got some similar advice to what I gave you and it was SOOOOOOO hard to take that advice but when I finally did, I ended up making some really great friends and began to be able to take some of the great advice that I have gotten in this sight. Mainly I dont want you to miss out on an opportunity to be helped and to work through your feelings. cause I would be happy to help anyone. I like to reach out cause I have a lot of gratitude for this sight. I hope you give the good people a shot.

July 16, 2006
12:17 am
Avatar
glittered when he walked
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

emph,

do you see a therpaist? I have, they dont hurt us in my experience.

You have a lot of mistrust, and thats probably been earned by people hurting you.

In my experience on tese boards, people wont judge you. Oh, they may point out occasionally that a certain act or thought seems unwise, but they usually are motivated to help us look inward and work on ourselves, not to pass judgment or lend shame or guilt.

I've been victimized in my marriage and have learned to let go of the hate, for me hate someone is like me drinking poison and wating for them to die. I have to learn not to hate, and after having done that, man what freedom and peace. Granted there are rotten people in this world who hurt others at seemingly every turn, I have to forgive them too, but I exclude them from my life, not out of hatred, but out of doing the healthy thing.

keep posting and I hope that you'll find over time that you can trust people here to be caring and supportive.

try it, nothing ventured, nothing gained right? what's to lose?

July 16, 2006
3:32 am
Avatar
Want2B
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm just a person with a lot of hurt inside. I'm like you and I'm not like you. I don't think I know you, but I will try to read your posts and if I understand what you are saying, I might respond if I have the words and the time.

You can take what I say and believe it or you can choose not to...that is the beauty of this site.

Keep typing. Keep those feelings coming. You might just find that someone out here has felt something similar.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
23
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111155
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
Ntaryanka, kokyman, qvcreditsg, freyrobert332, maamazama7, bojo2112jon
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information