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whiney pants
December 26, 2001
8:38 pm
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artist 2
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I hoped my friend would call on Christmas, but he didn't. He won't be back in town until jan 2 - another week! He's been on my mind, but I'm not desperate about it. Just fond little warm feelings every now and then. Do you think he doesn't care because he didn't call? It's not like he said he'd call and wish me a merry christmas or anything... How will I just hang and wait until I hear from him? Will I be insane over this be the time he gets back? hmmm... I don't think THAT's likely, but I wonder how to cope. It seems I'm really looking forward to seeing him. Is this because we ahd sex? Is it a chemical longing or something? Anyone?

December 27, 2001
8:30 am
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harmonygirl
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artist2 you're not whining. I'm not in a position to give advice because I too go through similar circumstances. Waiting by the telephone hoping my boyfriend will call, having irrational thoughts and feelings if I can't get in touch with him, feeling crushed to my soul when he doesn't hug and kiss me when we finally see each other on the weekend...... I realize that I'm terribly codependent and live my life too much through others. I'm trying to get better.
I'm trying to learn not to jump to conclusions and plant those seeds of doubt and worry in my mind before I know the whole story. Maybe something happened that prevented him from calling you. Can you get in touch with him? How serious is your relationship? If you're just friends he may not have felt it necessary to call. I have lots of friends but didn't call them on Xmas.
Seems like there's lots of people in this same boat. My personal goal for the new year is to become my own person, to be happy with myself despite other people.
I wish the best for you.

December 27, 2001
3:22 pm
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Thanks for the input everyone. He's at home (parents) and I know he doesn't have a girlfriend there. So, I don't think he'll be kissing anyone... He's the type to get involved with women rarely. He's pretty choosy. It would have been nice, but I wouldn't have called him on Christmas either. He's more of a friend than a lover, although he's that too. So, maybe I should just hang loose and see if he calls me when he gets back? I am dating other people, still looking for "the one" but it would be nice if he could be. We're alike in many ways and that may sound boring, but it makes for easy ever-after married life. He's from a community that welcomes neutrality and sameness, so I figure he can see - and he has made comments to me like "we're alike" and "we were both nieve back then" and "am I too boring for you?" he thinks he's boring because he's not like my ex-boyfriend... Well, my friend just isn't the type to remember calling, or anniversaries, or the like. He's too scatter-brained. It's a fault I can live with.

I'm wondering now if I just should put it to him when he returns? Like should I say to him "I think we'd make a good married couple. What do you think?" or "So, is this just an in-between thing for you and are you still looking for the perfect woman?" or "Will you leave me and this friendship behind the next woman you become interested in?" The answers to these questions will let me know.

December 27, 2001
4:35 pm
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Molly
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Good job not calling, but those questions, how long you been seeing this guy? Might as well cut to the chase, and know where you stand, he won't freak out do ya think? Sure your whinning, but this is where we do it, isn't it ? I sure hope so, or ugh ugh, sorry.

December 27, 2001
6:18 pm
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artist 2
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Hi Molly,

I've known him for three years and we've been friends. We once were engaged - but that was out of passion. He panicked later on and I got disgusted with him. I asked him to move out and he later broke up with me because it got too weird. He's been dating others, like I have. But, suddenly we were both without and gravitated to each other.

Will he freak me out with whatever answer? No, I might be disappointed, but I haven't allowed myself to dream up anything or fantasize, so it won't be too bad if he plans on moving on.

December 27, 2001
8:03 pm
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Molly
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Since you have that history behind you, and sorry I forgot, you posted that before, duh, then clear the air, get it out in the open, straight ahead. No sense in wishing and a hoping, and a wondering all this time sitting around. Just gotta love clarity. Maybe you guys needed time to see, or grow, or or or miss each other ????

December 27, 2001
9:39 pm
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artist 2
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Well, Blondie... I wish I had your balls! Advice given from a friend earlier: Don't have sex with him again until the intentions are cleared up. Tell him that I'm enjoying going out but when it comes to sex it's making things unclear.

He bought his plane ticket before we started getting close again. He comes in on the second. I doubt he'll be kissing any one on New Year's Eve... but you know what? I feel rather cuckholded about it all, if you get my drift. That's completely my fault for wanting or caring if he called. I want to be wanted on New Year's - just like everyone else. Hell, I just can't wait on him - if I find something to do or someone to do it with, I'll go of course...

He's a confused little puppy and scatter-brained like your geekster. Your description fits my friend closely. I just dont' want to appear to be hounding him by calling his parents house half way across the country. Hell who knows? His mom may be telling him right now I'm not good enough for him. I don't really know them. I do know that he has trouble being accepted by them, that they have very high standards. he feels rejected sometimes.

Hunt him down? I'm afraid I'll run him off. I don't want ot be too aggressive with him. But, maybe he'd like that? hmmm... perahps? Gosh, I just don't know how to be as cool and confident as you are telling me I should be Blondie... Got any hints?

December 28, 2001
4:50 am
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artist 2
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You know Blondie? I don't even have his parents phone number. He booked his flight before we started getting close, so can't change plans. I just called his cell phone just to hear his voice. It was reassuring, but not the same as the real thing. I'm calling his house tomorrow. If his roommate answers I'll ask when he's getting back. At least he'll know then I was thinking about him.

Blondie I don't own any spandex. It scares me. I scare me. I need courage to do what it takes to get this guy... COURAGE... ANYONE? Advice to get courage greatly appreciated.

December 28, 2001
10:32 am
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Blondie I want you to be my second mom. Not my regular mom, but the young groovy, cool, chicky one. Or how about my aunt, or my sister? OK? Oh,I'm going to call his roommate and ask if he has the number. If he doesn't guess I'll have to wait until he gets back. Do you think I should call information and get his parents number?

December 28, 2001
12:28 pm
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Molly
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yea, why not, could be a good surprise for him, if not then you have a clue to the answers to your future questions.

December 28, 2001
2:27 pm
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artist 2
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ok. There are some missing pieces here. Long ago when we broke up I had a hard time getting over him and told him so. We'd get together and I would tell him I still had feelings for him. He wanted to move on and was afraid of hurting my feelings. He tells me he likes me, thinks I'm wonderful, that I'm sexy, that I'm sweet, he respects me, that he really likes being with me... he tells me all this. One thing is that when we were together BEFORE, he told me he couldn't be with me because he felt "inadequate". He felt not enough for me all around. Now that he's had a couple of relationships under his belt, he feels like he can offer more. ie: the getting together with me again. He like sto do stuff like volunteer work with me like helping the homeless, and the crisis line. SO... I'm taking is easy with his new show of interest. Just don't want to go overboard with anything. He's made comparisons about how alike we are and I know that is a good point as far as his background goes. And, like me his previous relationship was abusive (not physically, but emotionslly) and he was not getting physical affection and enough time with this woman. He's told me this and I've told him the same thing about my previous. So... we're looking and needing the same things; We're alike in many ways; we're different in ways; we're both have a rather religious upbringing; and we're both alone...I'm just afraid it might be a mistake to call him. You know how some guys don't like to be chased? I wish some guys would read this and offer their opinion.

December 28, 2001
6:12 pm
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artist 2
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Hmm.. well, it does sound more like I could do it and not feel weird about it. I like what you said here... the thing is he's not 27 and I'm not in my forties (yea, but close)... and so I don't have those power gems yet. Let me think a little more here...

December 28, 2001
6:23 pm
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artist 2
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ok I JUST LEFT A MESSAGE ON HIS PARENTS' MACHINE... Either they tell him and he calls me back, or they don't tell him, or they tell him and he doesn't call. Will update later...

December 28, 2001
8:30 pm
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artist 2
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BLONDIE!!!!!

He was thrilled to hear from me!!!! Whoo Hoo!

He talked and talked my ear off telling me all the stuff he and his family did over the holiday. Then I asked about New Years and he said he'd love to call me... !!!!!!

I'm so happy!!!!!

Thank You thank you thank you.

December 29, 2001
8:58 am
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artist 2
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One thing... he just told me he's thinking about moving back to be close to his family. I am heartbroken. This is almost too much. What am I going to do? He hasn't made plans, but is considering. How can I convince him not to move? He's so close to them and feels out of place being away...

December 29, 2001
2:50 pm
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artist 2
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I don't like living here any more than he does and we've shared this. We're in teh same boat as to our opinion on living here. So, why can't I go with him? Can I ask him?

December 29, 2001
8:55 pm
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artist 2
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Yes, I hear you... other post has plan... THANKS SISTA!

December 31, 2001
10:10 am
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artist 2
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He called this morning and woke me up. It was almost as good as having him in bed with me... Asked how my dinner date went... Said he needed to know what he was up against... ...

December 31, 2001
10:14 am
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artist 2
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(sigh...)

January 3, 2002
4:40 pm
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artist 2
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Well, there's a little layover with the flights going through Atlanta.. plus he's got the flu... he's supposed to be back today and I'm supposed to call him after work. My plan is to go over and see him bearing hot chicken soup.

Any more advice?

January 3, 2002
5:08 pm
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Ariella
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That sounds like a good plan. I've actually done that before, brought chicken soup to someone who was sick, however I didn't make it. *LOL!* My mom did. Still, the gesture is the same. I'm sure he will greatly appreciate you doing that and he will further know that you care about him.

(However, I wouldn't advise bringing chicken soup to anyone but your loved one, considering it may be taken the wrong way. That's from experience . . . the little I've had.)

Ariella

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