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Which path should I take?
September 21, 1999
10:46 am
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September 27, 2010
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I was recently divorced from my eshusband about 1 year ago. We were seperated 1 in a half years ago. I fell in love with another man and was married 5 months ago. I love my new husband very much but I just can't seem to let go of my ex. I have a guilt hanging over my head for hurting him and I wish I could turn back time and go back. I love both men and so I need to find peace within myself so I can go on with whatever decision I make. Can someone give me advice on what to do?

September 21, 1999
12:34 pm
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sounds to me like you still love your ex? Is this true?
As long as your are obssessing over your ex the way you are you can not truly emotionally commit to your current husband, this is unfair to him and you.
I feel for you choice, and you need to do some soul searching. Blessings

September 21, 1999
12:39 pm
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Here is an excerpt from Louse Hay's Book,
"The Power is Within You"

Many times people give you negative messages because it is the easiest way
to manipulate you. If someone is trying to make you feel guilty, ask
yourself, "What do they want? Why are they doing this?" Ask these questions
instead of inwardly agreeing, "Yes, I'm guilty, I must do what they say."

Many parents manipulate their children with guilt because they were raised
the same way. They tell lies to their children to make them feel less than.
Some people are still manipulated by their relatives and friends when they
grow up because, first of all, they don't respect themselves, otherwise they
wouldn't let it happen. Secondly, they are manipulative themselves.

Many of you live under a cloud of guilt. You always feel wrong, or that you
are not doing the right thing, or apologizing to someone for something. You
will not forgive yourself for something you did in the past. You berate
yourself for a lot that goes on in your life. Let the cloud dissipate. You
don't need to live that way any longer.

Those of you who feel guilty can now learn to say no and call people on
their nonsense. I'm not saying to be angry with them, but you don't have to
play their game anymore. If saying "No" is new to you, say it very simply:
"No, No, I cannot do that." Don't give excuses or the manipulator will have
ammunition to talk you out of your decision. When people see that
manipulating you doesn't work, they will stop. People will only control you
as long as you allow them to. You may feel guilty the first time you say no;
however, it gets easier the next few times.

If you do something that you are sorry about, stop doing it. If you did
something in the past that you still feel guilty about, forgive yourself. If
you can make amends, do it, and don't repeat the action again. Everytime
guilt comes up in your life, ask yourself, "What do I still believe about
myself?" "Who am I trying to please?" Notice the childhood beliefs that come
up.

Guilt seeks punishment, so we can literally become our own judge, jury, and
executioner -- condemning ourselves to a self-imposed prison. There can be a
lot of repressed hostility because we feel we don't have the right to speak
up for ourselves. We punish ourselves, and there is no one around to come to
our defense. It's time to forgive ourselves and set ourselves free.

Whenever guilt comes up, you can say something like, "No, I don't want to
feel that anymore. I'm willing to learn to love myself. I accept me exactly
like I am." If you continue to do this, the pattern will start to shift.

Even if we don't know how to love ourselves, the fact that we are willing to
love ourselves will create the difference. It's just not worth it to hold on
to these patterns. The lesson is always love yourself.

Many people do some heavy numbers on themselves to keep them in line,
especially when they are children. However, we aren't little children
anymore, and we don't have to keep in line. We are adults who can decide
what we want to believe. The child in us feels the guilt, but there is also
the adult in us who can teach the child otherwise.

When you hold your emotions down, or hold things in, you create havoc within
you. Love yourself enough to allow yourself to feel your emotions. Allow
your feelings to come to the surface. You may find yourself crying for days
or getting angry a lot. You may have to process quite a bit of old stuff. I
suggest you do affirmations that make going through the process easier,
smoother, and more comfortable:

"I now release with ease all old negative beliefs."

"It's comfortable for me to change."
"My pathway is smooth now."
"I am free of the past."

Don't also add judgement to your feelings. That only pushes the feelings
down even more. If you are going through incredible dilemmas or crises,
affirm that you are safe and that you are willing to feel. Affirming these
positive feelings will bring about beneficial changes.

»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«

Guilt: n. 1. the fact or state of having committed an
offense, crime, violation, or wrong, esp. against moral or penal law.
2. a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense,
crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

Shame: n. 1. the painful feeling of having done or experienced
something dishonorable, improper, foolish, etc.

Here are some suggestions for combating guilt and shame:

When you are feeling guilty, take a minute to look up the definition in the
dictionary. It sounds silly, but sometimes it is all it takes to help you
remember that you are not the one who brought on the guilt. It is the person
who guilts you who should feel guilty about their actions.

Keep a journal. When you are feeling ashamed or guilty, write down your
feelings. Then, write a paragraph about why you are feeling that way. Then
write a paragraph evaluating the situation.

Talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling. Sometimes it helps to
have another person tell you that what happened was not your fault. Talking
about your feelings can help you make sense of them.

Buy "The Courage to Heal" Workbook by Louise Hay and do the exercises. Many
of them will help relieve your feelings of guilt and shame.

»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«

Regret for things we did can be tempered by time;
it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.

-Sydney J. Harris

»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«

As long as I am living in the moment and have loving intentions
towards myself and others, I have nothing to feel guilty about!

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