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Where's KC
May 23, 2005
5:54 pm
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dustygirl
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Hey KC - how's it going today?

May 23, 2005
6:04 pm
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Deena
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hate to butt in but isn't it a holiday in Canada? Maybe she's celebrating. I wonder if he got served yet?????

May 23, 2005
6:40 pm
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dustygirl
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Oh yeaj - it's Victoria Day. Thanks, as I was worrying why we hadn't heard from her.

May 23, 2005
7:56 pm
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Deena
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who's victoria? Im from PA. All I new is there was a holiday. Oh well. Guess we'll hear from her tomorrow hopefully.

KC>>>>>where r u???????

May 24, 2005
9:38 am
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2bstrong
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I too, am having kc worry and withdrawal...

Good morning to you guys, though.

2b

May 24, 2005
10:54 am
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tracylyn
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Hey guys - just checked in this morning to see if the papers got served.

Where are you kc - come out, come out where ever you are.

t

May 24, 2005
8:12 pm
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exoticflower
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does anyone know her due date? I can't remember, but it seems like she's in her third trimester already...could it be the little bundle of joy?

May 25, 2005
7:51 am
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Shameonme
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KC's baby is not due til August. I hope nothing is wrong. I know she was in the hospital recently for dehydration I think. I wonder if the X got his papers.
I miss KC, she is an inspiration to me.

May 25, 2005
9:10 am
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revelation
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Hi KC hope you are ok...let us know how you r soon ok?

May 25, 2005
2:04 pm
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Deena
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Isn't this wonderful...although none of us have never met we actually grow friendships and closeness to eachother. ( and worry about one another) I too hope KC is well. Miss her!!!!

May 25, 2005
2:25 pm
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exoticflower
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You know, maybe x did get his papers and they are hashing it out, though I can't imagine she got sucked in...I sure am concerned, but even if it is early baby matters, she's far enough along that things should be fine with some extra medical care, preemies are more common these days and technology does wonders now.

May 26, 2005
8:42 am
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kc30
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Hey!! You guys are so nice to be thinking about me! Thanks šŸ™‚

Monday was a holiday and my kids have been sick so I've been out the last couple of days...I must be the only person in the free world without home internet service? I'll get it when I go out on mat leave, but I'm too cheap to pay right now šŸ™‚

So...he was served last Friday!!! I didn't find out until Sunday...he left me a couple of messages about kids, schedule etc, and told me that he has a new apartment (yep, around the corner) gave me his address and new phone #, then told me he got the papers at school (he's a teacher) on Friday, and THANKED me??? Hey...no problem!!

I've talked to him quite a bit more than usual, due to my daughter being sick (in and out of hospital this weekend) I think he's nervous around me but we're getting along very well...not a jerk at all so that's good. I'm glad the end is near...I don't think he's going to fight me...he MIGHT go for another chance, but I'm not giving him any signs that he'd get a foot in the door, and I don't think he's secure enough to risk the rejection. All in all...it's almost over!!

How is everyone doing?

May 26, 2005
9:07 am
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2bstrong
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Oh kc--

We missed you and were concerned. So, are the kids doing alright? And, are you doing ok? Do you have help with the little ones?

Served last Friday, eh? He has no choice but to accept it. And if anyone could be a jerk to you in your condition, well...I just don't know what to say. He has seen the light. Do you think that is why he is moving closer? For the kids, and to take responsibility? Do you think his relationship with his ****** is over?

Gosh, kc. Sorry for all of the questions. I missed you for sure, and peacesoul, too.

2b

May 26, 2005
9:13 am
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lollipop3
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KC,

You had a few people worried here. I don't know you well, but hell...I was starting to get worried!

Glad to see you back and that you're doing okay.

Lolli

May 26, 2005
9:15 am
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revelation
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Hey KC, glad to hear everything is ok and that things are all moving ahead for you. Hope you are taking care of yourself and being good to yourself. How do you feel about his reaction to the proceedings?

May 26, 2005
9:18 am
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kc30
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Hey 2b
Kids are MUCH better- my little girl was really, really sick, but she's on antibiotics and was up and playing all day yesterday, which is good!

I do have help w/ the kids...my stbx is very involved with them...if you can look past the fact that he's a liar, cheater and alcoholic who selfishly blew their little worlds apart...and just look at how he treats them, he is a great father.

I don't know why he's moving so close. Makes sense in terms of the kids though...especially with the new baby coming...to be that close. He's still seeing the skank, but it's weird...it doesn't really bother me that much anymore. I think I've turned another corner!

How have you been? How are you feeling about things? Up or down these days?

I miss Peace too...hopefully she'll work it out with the sc and come back (I know you're lurking out there Peacesoul!!! Come on back, girl! You KNOW you want to, you stubborn red-headed Quebecor!! ((hugs)) )

kc

May 26, 2005
9:27 am
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exoticflower
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Oh, kc, I am so glad it was nothing too serious, and that you and baby in tummy are fine. So nice to see you, and yes you must be the only person in the free world without internet at home! I bet it keeps you from wasting a lot of time though...

Wow, ex took the papers well, huh? Great! That probably means that the hearing will go well too if you need one for anything, are you disputing any property or anything? Imagine how something like that would look in the courts in a couple of months, you serene and full of baby and him there with his skank...of course, I've had my own drama lately, though I must admit that as much as I thought I craved it, when I got it I just didn't want it, I wanted to calm down and be done with it.

I am so glad to know that you are ok, I really was getting worried what with the baby and all. How are you feeling? Are you remembering to drink lots of water and be good to yourself even though your daughter is sick? Poor girl, glad she is feeling better too!

Hugs, ef

May 26, 2005
9:28 am
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kc30
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Hi Revelation
I think I'm pretty cool with things...there is a part of me (ego of course) who was hoping for some crying and begging, but I'm glad that hasn't happened...it's much easier this way. With the divorce nearly finalized, it makes it much easier to deal with him. It's all good...

I've just sort of realized that it must bother him too...it bothers me and I'm the one who filed! I'm sure that somewhere inside of him, he's hurting too but he doesn't show it any more than I do.

The other thing I've realized is that I don't care very much about him being with the other woman any more. This is HUGE!!! It just hit me last night that the very BEST she can expect from him is the same loyalty and committment that I got (which obviously wasnt' much) and that I highly doubt she would even get that much. I'm not missing anything.

All in all...I've reached a recovery milestone I think, and it's good. Sad...but good šŸ™‚

Lolli- how are you doing...haven't had enough time to catch up on your thread, but I know things took a rough turn for you. I've been there! How are you?

kc

May 26, 2005
9:39 am
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2bstrong
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Yes--feeling a bit better these days. Had to contact ex on Monday--it was not unnecessary contact--but even so, it was a quite a bit toxic for me to hear his voice. I really believe in this no contact thing. It is not something I would have thought of or done on my own. The recovery time from toxic contact is definitely shorter. It's been 2 months since the break up. I can't believe how much better I feel. Life is really beginning to return to normal. What ever that is! : )

I do worry that I'm rushing recovery of this. But I will take anything over those feelings of obsession, depression, and sadness. My mantra of surrender, detach, let go, allow God is working. I cannot tell you how often I repeat that throughout the day.

Now, he will return an e-mail to me sometime in the next few days. I plan on not responding, just taking the info that I need and that's it. I think I can do it. I did mention in the e-mail that I had a few things to say to him, I told him it was a closure thing. Now, I regret saying it. I don't know if it matters what I have to say to him.

I have struggled with just a little bit of anger this week. I'm just allowing it to happen. Venting, exercising, etc. The anger is due to the vacuum of relationships that were part of our life together, like with his nieces, and some friends. I am not sure how to address that. Maybe I will send a note to these people?

That's it kc! Sorry so long--love to you--2b

May 26, 2005
9:53 am
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kc30
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Hey 2b- this is what I told myself in February, when I kicked him out; right now...it sucks. In 3 months it will be better...in 6 months, it will be MUCH better, in 9 months, it'll be good...in a year, it'll be great!

Well, I've just hit the 3 month mark, and I'm actually surprised by how much better I feel! There were some pretty dark days, but when I look back now, I am shocked by how much better I am doing.

Now, I'm excited to see where I'll be, what I will have learned, and how I'll feel at the 6 month mark! It does keep getting easier...despite those dark days. Those are the days we're growing stronger...

Nothing you can do about unnecessary contact. I don't think that saying the things you want to say right now will bring you closure. Your state of mind will be constantly evolving over the months to come, and there will probably always be some new insight that you will think will bring closure.

I did that...spewed a bunch of stuff to my stbx about 3 months ago...the response I got was so cold and so unfeeling that it helped me finally "get it"...the peace, closure and healing I needed was not ever going to come from him. I realized it didn't matter one bit to him what I said or did...it was ME that had to find the closure inside of myself. It really cut the urge to contact him too...realizing that he couldn't give me closure...that would come to me as long as I kept taking care of myself and working on healing.

EF- you seem like you're making huge strides in your own recovery...recognzing the patterns that keep you locked in dysfunction is the BIGGEST milestone (IMHO) It doesn't mean, of course, that you can always stop yourself....it takes a long time to retrain your thoughts and reaction patterns, but being able to see it, explore it and learn from it is HUGE.

When that started happening for me (which was only around Feb-Mar timeframe) BIG BIG changes started to happen in my life. I still had/have slips, but as long as I am HONEST with me about what I'm doing, then the slips are just part of growing!! I'm so happy for you! You are really travelling down the healthy path! keep it up šŸ™‚

kc

May 26, 2005
10:07 am
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exoticflower
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thank you kc...:) I was just saying that I wished that my therapist would pin a note on my blouse saying "N--had a healthy day today" with a little gold star on it or something. Maybe it's the codependant talking, but the encouragement I get from others is always so helpful. THough I imagine that is perfectly healthy, just a dependancy on someone else to encourage and validate you that I can't get hung up on.

I'm so glad you feel like you are moving foreward in your with the divorce. You sound so strong, and like you really just want to take the best things from it for yourself. I'm sorry it is sad right now, I could only imagine. It's great that you are able to let him maintane a great relationship with the kids though, and that he wants to. So many children don't have that, and so many mothers (myself at times right now) are not always strong enough to look past the pain they have inflicted upon them to see where it need not be an issue where the li'l ones are concerned. So glasd there are people like you out there to draw strength from and follow the lead of regarding such things!

May 26, 2005
10:18 am
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2bstrong
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KC--you are the guru of relationship recovery! Among other things!

Having someone like you to tell us what we might expect is so cool. Even thought I know that everyone's experiences and timelines are different--I'm a need-to-know-what-to-expect personality. For some reason, I find comfort in that.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I too think that in 3 months, I'll be this much better, etc. It's like that patch of blue sky on a cloudy day that just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

2b

May 26, 2005
10:52 am
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exoticflower
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2b, I can believe you are saying it, I see you get healthy every day...some of the advice you have given me has shed so much light in the dark corners I wasn't aware where not being looked at...we're getting to be a pretty healthy bunch, I personally think I see it happening right in front of our very eyes on the no contact club thread. I think we should look back to our first couple of posts if we want to see how far we can go. We can start by knowing how far we've come and crediting ourselves that.

May 26, 2005
12:20 pm
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2bstrong
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Here, here exotic! Thank you for your always kind and supportive thoughts.

May 26, 2005
1:42 pm
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Shameonme
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Hello KC glad to see you're back. You have been missed. Hope your little girl is doing better. Hope you have nothing but Sunny days ahead.

I think it is great that you are doing so well. Get ready I bet the X will want you to reconsider things. Hang tough.

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