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where the old crew?
March 21, 2001
11:40 am
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Molly
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Tez,
I agree with your insight. I wonder if that is why so many of us women have turned to our dogs, for emotional fulfillment. It is interesting to watch their anxiety feeling isolated from the pack, and being the nurturer that I am enable the dog to be a part of the pack( humanize). Honest but strange, needing their unconditional love and acceptance, comfort, as well as mess!
Cici, your thoughts are right on, I called my daughter yesterday to confirm our date today, and she is stating that she is not feeling well, and may cancel our date today. I must admit, no surprise here. I then went to yoga, and did a mental masterbation, and ultimately its let it be, this to shall pass. I went through the manipulation scenario, she was just nice because she wanted something, or I set her up to let me down, thoughts are things, I created this as a possibility, and that although I am trying to be the all loving forgiving mother, I am still honestly incomplete with the whole last years mess, especially the accusations of November. I realize that I cannot say a damn thing, nor allow my self to go in that direction, its a strange numbness, that protection thing kicking in. So we shall wait and see. Life goes on, and on, oh blah de, oh blah da

March 22, 2001
5:45 am
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Dilly
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Molly, So you didn't go then? I am sorry to hear that. I logged on specifically to ask you how it went. Obviously, your daughter has her own path to follow, although God alone knows why she wants to hurt you so much, I truly feel for you. I know how you feel regarding the whole years agenda with your daughter, 'cos I feel the same with my son. Although he has now brought the girls to stay (last week-end) as well as a crate of wine, (olive branch?), I still feel very hurt at the things he said when he collected the girls out of their beds, and in subsequent telephone calls. Although it was nice to see him, we didn't address any of the painful issues, I know it's "one-step-at-a-time", but I truly don't know how this can be resolved. I soooo empathise with you. God Bless

March 22, 2001
6:26 am
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janes
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ME too Molly.

I agree we do seem to set ourselves up for this shit. Maybe we place way to many (mental) expectations on our kids.

I love the Kahlil Gibran thing about kids....

"Your children come through you but they are not "of you"...they live in the halls of tomoorow where you may never go"

It doesn't seem fair that we , as women, give so much to so many and little returned sometimes.

Maybe we just need to be complete in us and try to get away from expecting stuff from others...

March 22, 2001
12:17 pm
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Dilly
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Amen to that Janes. One can only hope that when they finally end up in their "halls where we cannot go", they will look back and see the parenting skills we used to the best of our then knowledge, and not judge us so harshly.

March 23, 2001
12:16 pm
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Molly
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Great support team here, thank you. No we didn't meet, don't think it was intentional pain, more like lazy and self centered her not me:). I am ok with it, strange how since November, no expectations, no dissapointments. Its like I have already experienced the death or something. Not trying to sound so dramatic, of course that is what it felt like at the time,now I just go on with things,for the first time in forever with out putting them, their needs, their wellbeing, or anything else about them first. Strange though,its like before I knew what to do, what to expect, they were the offspring, I was the mom, call regular get and give updates, see each other on holidays and birthdays,regular trips to see them, send money, listen to whinning. Now
its like a long lost girlfriend, who calls me mom, makes contact once and a while
and then disappears. I guess they are the ones in controll to a certain extent, if when and what the relationship will be, I accept their terms, or what??? It just doesn't give me much to work with as far as the future, like the Grandma thing. Not doom and gloom, just trying to be ok with it. It will balance out I am sure, especially when they get drama in their life, deep down in the psyche, they know where to come for old fashioned mama like needs.
Janes, would you believe that I gave my poor mother a copy of Gibrans book, just for the page on children, when I was 15, such a brat I was, gee is it karma?????????????

March 23, 2001
12:16 pm
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Molly
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Great support team here, thank you. No we didn't meet, don't think it was intentional pain, more like lazy and self centered her not me:). I am ok with it, strange how since November, no expectations, no dissapointments. Its like I have already experienced the death or something. Not trying to sound so dramatic, of course that is what it felt like at the time,now I just go on with things,for the first time in forever with out putting them, their needs, their wellbeing, or anything else about them first. Strange though,its like before I knew what to do, what to expect, they were the offspring, I was the mom, call regular get and give updates, see each other on holidays and birthdays,regular trips to see them, send money, listen to whinning. Now
its like a long lost girlfriend, who calls me mom, makes contact once and a while
and then disappears. I guess they are the ones in controll to a certain extent, if when and what the relationship will be, I accept their terms, or what??? It just doesn't give me much to work with as far as the future, like the Grandma thing. Not doom and gloom, just trying to be ok with it. It will balance out I am sure, especially when they get drama in their life, deep down in the psyche, they know where to come for old fashioned mama like needs.
Janes, would you believe that I gave my poor mother a copy of Gibrans book, just for the page on children, when I was 15, such a brat I was, gee is it karma?????????????

March 23, 2001
4:38 pm
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janes
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I remember....during and just after college....times of not coming home. Not seeing my sister I was REALLY close too etc. etc.

It's almost like the time away was necessary for the true self to mature away from family etc.

Now that the shoe is on the other proverbial foot I don't think you are so far off base with the death thing Molly. Not like dead dead DEAD but the death of childhood and the child mom thing.

Have a good weekend.

March 24, 2001
1:37 pm
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Molly
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Hey she called again, update on the healing psychic, real up beat, and feeling better. Recieved a call from the youngest who had to let me know finals were over, and she had no brain left. So I take these as indicators that what ever it was is being worked through, or... Its like I have been trying to express on other threads, being human, I got sucked up into the drama, the emotions and the feelings, my support team here said hold on, let it be, and guess what it was. As soon as I disengaged in the drama, didn't have the buttons pushed, didn't respond, the stuff stopped. Hmmmmmmm. Well its going to be a great weekend, have one your self, go some where you can wear the new shoes.

March 24, 2001
10:34 pm
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kitten
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Molly,
Isn't it funny that no matter how old we are, we are still capable of growing up. My congrats to you. They say Spring is the time for fresh beginnings!

March 31, 2001
11:48 am
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Molly
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I simply must go see this woman who performed the miracles on my child!!!! My last conversation with her left our meeting up to the youngest who had just finished finals and was to call me on Sunday to plan our getting together. It was hard but I did not call waiting for her. They knew my open days were Mon, and Wed, and Thursday morning, I guess part of my mood was that no one called. Well Friday night I come home to a message from the oldest, mom, you didn't call all week, are you ok, I am worried, please call me I miss you. Now that is my daughter, what a gift. In our conversation, the woman had told her about past lifes and symbols around her that she saw, and to look them up and discover what they mean. Every one of them translated to love, so maybe that symbolism was part of the brain that says hmmmmm I'm ok. What ever, seems like I have my girl back, just drew my own boundries, or was it the healing ? Go figure? In the end who cares.

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