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Where the afghan is needed......
October 27, 2006
9:43 am
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StronginHim77
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Following this thread, although I don't want to butt in. Just thought I would make sure everyone was tucked in, nice and snuggly.

Love,

Ma Strong

October 27, 2006
9:43 am
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ggfred4
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mich, I think, okay, I know I let things stockpile in my head...I just don't think anyone has ever really cared to hear or help me...so I hold things in, little and big, over and over, until I go into a big slump like this week...I think this is where I went wrong...I knew I wasn't good company or help, felt drained, and usually this is when I really withdraw into myself for awhile...well, I didn't want to do this to all of you on the site, especially you, mich, just disappear for awhile...I felt I owed some explanation...But, I know I screwed up the explanation and made things worse....And now, I feel so much worse and embarrassed and maybe should have just disappeared...I don't know; I can't leave you mich...

Okay, I am asking for help now and that is hard for me to admit that and to seek it...mich, are you still holding, really need it...GG

October 27, 2006
9:49 am
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needtoheal
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GG.... please don't disappear from here.... we all care about you, GG...

You have been through so much lately;

We will be here for you....

thinking of you and holding you (((GG)))

October 27, 2006
9:53 am
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ggfred4
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thanks need, trying...

October 27, 2006
10:05 am
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cyndra820
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GG, we're all holding you close. Your head is on Mich's shoulder and we're all there.

You haven't made anything worse, your explanation is enough. We all get like that. We're all not used to having people be there for us and support us.

We are here for you.

Love,
Cyndra

October 27, 2006
11:30 am
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mamacinnamon
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Good AM Ladies:

Just a quick note to GG.....

Honey let the tears flow and don't feel bad about them. Tears clean out the soul; gets all the nasty stuff away from it. Like doin the laundry; removing the dirt.

I know the "suck it up", "you look ugly when you cry", "crying doesn't help but makes things worse", etc etc etc.....

I'm tellin you now that all those things said to you are WRONG. Let the years flow honey.

🙂

That's it... I'm goin back to wandering the halls.

October 27, 2006
11:35 am
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needtoheal
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GG---

IT IS OKAY FOR YOU TO LET THE TEARS FLOW...

sometimes we need to show our emotions... it is like an emotional cleansing....

I have often felt detached from my emotions..

and with my recent events, i started to feel my emotions...

I can remember when i got out of work the one day I was thinking about what my therapist had said "it's ok to cry"....

i was feeling so weepy and I just could not figure out why,.. so I just cried and i felt so much better after doing so.....

What he says to you is completely wrong.. like mama said....

feel what you feel, GG ....

we are all here to hold you while you cry... and I know that I have my arms wrapped around you so go ahead...

I will be thinking of you....

NEED

October 27, 2006
11:49 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG,

Where are you? Are you doing ok honey? I am around in and out...Just checking on you. Haven't heard from you in a while...Makin sure that you are ok.

Love you,

Scared

LL,

Haven't seen your beautiful face yet this morning...How are ya? You doin' alright?

Love ya,
Scared

October 27, 2006
12:11 pm
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ggfred4
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I am around mich, are you still holding me? I need to know that...miss LL,

Thanks, need, mamac, and cyndra...I am sorry to be such a baby...really sorry...you don't have to say anything else to me...how about us check on LL???

October 27, 2006
12:18 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am going to hold you GG, til you tell me to quit. I am holding you very close to my heart right now. I wish I could hold you in my arms, and just let you cry this all out. Just picture yourself there in my arms, covered in the "afghan of love, comfort, and trust" You are welcome to talk if you want GG. You are welcome to be silent too if that is what you really think that you need. Just know that I am here for either, and at least check in and let me know that you are ok please. I will be holding you close in the meantime.

I love you.

Mich

(((GG)))

October 27, 2006
12:20 pm
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armyleo
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Hey GG I'm not feeling to well today, mind if I hand out on the sofa with you today?

Mich/LL/Cyndra,

Good morning...

October 27, 2006
12:23 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Hey Army, whats up honey?

October 27, 2006
12:24 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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And a virtual sofa cam be as big as we need it to be. That is what is nice about it, there is always room for you on there, and whoever else needs to be there.

October 27, 2006
12:26 pm
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lovinglife
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good morning to the most beautiful group of women that a person could be so blessed to have in ones life...(and ya that includes you Ma Strong-each and every one of you!)

again there is so much I want to say...woke up few times last night to some thoughts I wanted to share, now hopefully I can get them out so I make sense...

Our lives, why/how some of us may have found our way to AAC: {If you want to skip my rambling just go straight to the bolded text}. My life has been nothing but one crisis after another it seems for the last 20 yrs. Sometimes there were truly crisis’s, other times maybe there wasn’t a *crisis* but I would make it in to one anyway : )

Anyhow when the x returned into my life (was only suppose to be for a period of 6 months, it's now going into the 3rd or 4th yr) and he then didn't leave when he agreed... I slowly started crying, whining, complaining big time, eventually at times breaking down … I felt so weak and a total loss of control of my life. My mother, my 3 sons, my one close friend and as funny as it is now, also my x's xgf heard me and tried to suggest things for me to do, and tried as best as the could to support/encourage me but no one understood me...ultimately I ended up for a period of about 6 months (around this time last year) not leaving the house anymore, with just barely getting up for a few minutes long enough to open my eyes, maybe shower or take a bath, then went right back to my bed. In a matter of 3 yrs I went from having a successful career in management (was with the company for 6 yrs-adult foster care) was financially self efficient/supporting (with the aid of child support), I ran meetings, I trained people, I hired, I fired, I was known as “Mama *Company name*” by those in my circle of peers. Daily/weekly I spoke with medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, Social Workers, family members/guardians of the clients all to becoming a women with not a dime in her bank account and too weak and depressed to even leave the house. And why did this happen??? I have lots of people I could blame, namely the x but ultimately what it boils down to is that... my pain level {LL holding her hand up to her neck} was up here and my coping skills {LL holding her hand down at her waist} were down there. Basically I had no coping skills. ...and just recently I'm learning a few to keep me headed in the right direction.

Now I’ll spare ya all some more of my long ramblings on how I started getting out of my funk…. But I still had no coping skills yet, (never had coping skills until this web site) just a few tools – like the biggie forcing myself to start to taking showers again everyday with the scented body washes I used to love : ) Then it went to knowing I needed to get back out there working in the field that always brought me so much joy (as well getting back to supporting myself and sons). Once back to work, what I seen happening was - youth who have horrific childhood stories that made my life’s problems seem so minimal leave the hospital say after 6-8 weeks with *coping skills*- they went from just a mess (often suicidal) to appearing stronger, confident and sometimes a completely different kid. When I first started working there remember hearing other staff say to the kids, “You may not have caused all your problems but you have to solve them any way…” and I thought how cold. But soon realized that was the only way for a person who has had some real shitty things happen to them in their life be able to move on, to be able to heal. Now just want to say that where I work – the area I work in is only one part of the youth’s programming- learning coping skills.(explain later why I am not completely fimiliar with what those coping skills are)... AND the girls often support each other when another has a bad day/moment and can't quite shake it (just like we do for each other in here). It is the most precious thing to see - one young person who at one time had no one who understoond, who thought she was all alone in her pain - now reminding another girl... "Use your skills..."

So where am I with all this?? I’ve got to go…the X is irritating the hell of me right now- and I need to find some fricken coping skill to use at the moment!! And sometimes our coping skill of the moment is "when the afghan is needed" which I am taking with me to my room right now- and going to have a good cry-...I'll bring it back after I clean it all up : )

Thanks girls.

October 27, 2006
12:38 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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LL,

Thinking of you, and hoping your return is quick and painless. Beating someone to a pulp with their own arms is NOT (need to know how to do bold) a coping skill. 🙂

Love you,
Mandy

October 27, 2006
12:40 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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But sometimes it sure would make us feel better huh? Now that I think about it.

October 27, 2006
12:58 pm
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cyndra820
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Mandy,

LL gave up the secret on the "Over Here" thread.

< b>word or phrase
Eliminate the spaces and you have it. It also works with I to create italics.

Cyndra

October 27, 2006
1:02 pm
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cyndra820
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DARN IT,

Mandy,

I was trying to tell you how but it didn't take. I'll try it again.

< b > word or phrase < /b >
Eliminate the spaces and there you have it.

October 27, 2006
1:09 pm
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ggfred4
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mich,don't quit holding yet, okay???Does LL know that you,army,cyndra,need, and me, are with her crying because we all need that afghan? Cyndra, hope it is big, because LL and I are not touchy people but maybe this is all for a reason...

The more I keep reading, the calmer I am feeling, yet so hating of myself...

October 27, 2006
1:17 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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You can hate you if you want today GG, but just know that I love you. I am holding you close. Do I need to hold tighter? I will tuck you into bed tonight, with the afghan, and you just know that I am right here waiting. Whether you need to be held, hugged, a shoulder, or to TALK. I love you honey...

October 27, 2006
1:24 pm
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lovinglife
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back girls- strange I only needed the afghan for a few minutes... must be because GG's & Mich's love are totally covering it. I felt it, it was there, by golly. Oh, and no I didn't make a *snotty mess* all over it either!! Thank you very much : )...almost though, it came close.

I really don't like hating anyone, but gosh dern it what a S.O.B...he sneaks in here last night while I was at work (wouldn't have even known had my son not told me- and thankfully the boy told me as I don't know what I would have done if I would have woke up to the fact this a.m- I think he knew that too.) Anyhow, he acts like nothing happend and even had the gull to try and touch me- he likes to touch my hair and feet for some reason- goodness fricken gracious. Makes my skin just crawl.

Anyhow- anyhow...I sang a cheer for SBD...his going on his first date since his X made his life hell- so that felt good...thinking of you all makes me feel great- and GG so glad you're back...everything happens for a reason and you brought it to our attention sometimes we may just need a pass to re-group...we're in this together, passes granted when need be, BUT PLEASE no one leave, K? and Cyndra isn't that fun to use a little jazz to what we type- maybe we could figure out how to use color too!.

Alright, think I'm going to lay down with the afghan after all...I think I am exhausted...but first I think I need to go puke : )

I'll be back.

October 27, 2006
1:32 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Are you ok LL? Smack your x once for me please.

Hope all is well. I am thinking of you today. Our virtual couch is full of people under a HUGE afghan today. Hope everyone is comfy. I am just trying to be there for all of you today. Love you all.

October 27, 2006
1:32 pm
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lovinglife
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and one more thing-- just thought of something...the girls have a beautiful soft purple afghan- just one that they all share...and I've even seen a few of them covered up in it together..now how fricken ironic is that...

October 27, 2006
1:33 pm
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ggfred4
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Mich, when you said last night to put my head on your shoulder and let it all out, my gosh, I don't remember anyone ever being that caring towards me...Just reading what you wrote broke me down and we are just reading words, yet your words are such full of love and care...I think I am used to being the giver and I long for that kind of love and care, but I don't know how to receive it..Does this make sense? I really don't know know what is going on, but want to get over this...I even thought I would get some paper and write down a list of what is wrong, but I don't have the energy...

So, why not just type it and tell? Because I don't feel like my stuff is worth shit, okay...sorry...I don't want to bother people...yet, I want people to feel they can do this to me...double standard??? I am also very uncomfortable with the attention on the threads...I am not worth that attention and worry what people think...

Someone help me please, this has got to stop...

I sure hope this afghan is strong because I am holding it tightling and yes, mich, I still need you to hold me close, if you can, love you gf...

October 27, 2006
1:35 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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LL, if you need the rest today, you get it. Just let us know that you are ok at some point too please. I will worry about you guys. Heaven help me should one of us ever have to be gone for any length of time without the ability to say something first. I would be sicker than a dog with worry. I just care a lot about all of you, and i want to help, not hurt.

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