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Where the afghan is needed......
October 26, 2006
7:08 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG, I titled this one for you....Where are you at, and are you ok? Please talk to us.

October 26, 2006
7:14 pm
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armyleo
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Mich - I know this afghan is meant for GG, however until she returns I am going to be selfish and wrap my self in it. I've been shaking all day.

Armyangel

October 26, 2006
7:15 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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It was intended for ALL who need the afghan, Army. That includes you. Are you ok? Do you want to talk?

October 26, 2006
7:18 pm
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armyleo
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Mich - I did something awful this morning and I can't stop thinking about it... I posted it on my thread "...where's army".

It dawned on me that I'm becoming like my H and I'm having a hard time with everythings that's been happening.

Thanks for listening.
ArmyAngel

October 26, 2006
7:29 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Army,

I do the same things. I know that I do. I now have a new understanding of why. Like you I feel wrong because I get pissed at my husband for basically the same things, but you know what, NOthing will make it right. Last thursday, after coming home from counseling, I was a mess. We had JUST discussed the way I treat my kids and why, and you know what...I still did the same thing. My daughter started crying over nothing, and being ridiculous, and I had all I could handle. Not only did I scream at her, BUT, I hit her too. Only once and it was on her butt, but I know that I have a way of belittling her. It isn't what I want to do, I want to change it. I went in that night and cried and cried and I told her that I was sorry, and she said, that's ok mom. I just told her, NO it isn't, BUT, I am doing my best to get healthy again, so I can be a good mom. We become a product of our environment. That doesn't make it right, it just means that we have to change it. Youa re right, THEY DESERVE BETTER. BUT not from someone else....They deserve it from us. We have to find a way to change.

October 26, 2006
7:33 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Got room for one more in that afgan? I love to curl up in an afgan.

October 26, 2006
7:39 pm
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armyleo
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Yes, mama thanks for joining, I'm still shaking but doing better I guess.

Mich - thanks for the words. I'm having a hard time with everything lately.. I'm okay for 1-2 days and then crash again..

October 26, 2006
8:03 pm
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cyndra820
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Hello All,

Okay, I am NOT going to go away for a half day any more!!!

Okay, this is going to be long. Keep in mind I love all of you, my cyber-sisters. Please keep that in mind.

GG,
You are a wonderful, giving person who is hurting right now and you can't sort out why. I want you to figure out what triggered it. What has suddenly made you feel so horrible about yourself.

I don't agree/believe ANY of the CRAP you wrote about yourself. You helped ME help Mich last night. I couldn't have done it without you. You saw our sister in need and you helped. You stayed on with us until she got it out. You did that. She wouldn't have done it with me alone. She needed you. Okay?

Second, you are amazing!! Look at what you've endured and still you come here share, give love and support, make us laugh. Woman, you are beautiful from the outside in. Believe me when I tell you that.

Third, you are your greatest enemy right now. Please feel the love we all have for you. Allow us to support you, comfort you, and yes, dammit, hold you. Get under the afghan in whatever pieces of clothing give you the greatest comfort. We are all here for you.

Mich,

You didn't take anything away from GG last night. You needed us and we were here. I think the opening up you and I did last night triggered something, maybe a memory, for her. No one did anything "wrong" last night. We all did the right thing.

Don't do this to yourself. Taking when you need to take is okay. You needed our support something I know GG was very willing to give and will give again when/if the occasion arises.

We all know this road, "I'm not worthy". Didn't we have this discussion that we have trouble giving to ourselves or accepting from others? I am telling you that giving to you helped us both last night. It opened something up for GG, yes, but she doesn't regret helping you.

No more apologies. You did nothing wrong and I mean that, young lady!!!

LL, please help me!! I'm not angry or irritated with them I just don't want either of them to go into a black hole and I don't have a rope long enough to go in after them. They've come so far!!! I like having these cyber-sister-friends. It's a gift from my Higher Power.

Mama, I am running out of words to get them to understand that they are incredible, strong, brave, beautiful women. I feel like I'm saying the same things over and over and they aren't hearing me. I don't want either of them to feel as they do, but I know I can't stop it. They have to.

Okay, I'm gong now. Please don't be angry with me for speaking my $.02.

Love,
Cyndra

October 26, 2006
8:07 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Nobody is going to be angry with you Cyndra...seriously. I just want GG to come back. I do feel bad. I so appreciate you guys all listening to me last night. Thank you, I needed a friend, and you were all there. It is ok to have a life away from here, it just takes a while to catch up when you get back sometimes. It is neat to see you ending your posts with love instead of regards now.

October 26, 2006
8:22 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Cyndra: Nice to meet you.

Yes, you are right. They will hear when they decide to hear. Ever want to give a little bonk on the forehead to help shake them marbles up sometimes?

🙂 j/k

October 26, 2006
8:37 pm
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cyndra820
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Mamma,

I like to box ears. That's the Anglophile in me. I'm learning the lesson of letting people live their own lives and not demanding they do it my way. This place definitely helps. I can't "make" anyone do anything.

Mich,

GG will come back. She's going to read our posts and know we love her and want her with us. She's hurting right now and has to sort it out for herself.

I know it's hard on all of us because we worry about her. She'll come back.

Love,
Cyndra

October 26, 2006
9:06 pm
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armyleo
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LL,

I hope you are doing okay today??? I know you had alot to sort out today. And it wasn't all pleasant stuff. Anyways I'm thinking of you....

Hey i took your suggestion and started a ArmyAngel's story and rambling thread.

ArmyAngel

October 26, 2006
9:26 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG,

I believe in my heart that you are reading these threads. Please know that I love you and I am here waiting to talk to you. I miss you so much. I am so worried about you. Please come talk to us. I know you need time, but please just let us know that you are ok. If that is all you type. Or don't type anything just post so we know that you are ok. I LOVE YOU.

Scared (to death)

October 26, 2006
9:53 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, i need you

October 26, 2006
9:53 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am right here honey...what do you need? What is going on? I am so glad to see you. Please talk to me.

October 26, 2006
9:56 pm
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ggfred4
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I am actually crying and i don't know what is the matter; but everything you wrote to me today; i can't believe anyone did that for me...I never cry and tears are falling...

October 26, 2006
9:57 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I love you GG. I don't want you to hurt. Please know that. You mean so much to me

October 26, 2006
9:58 pm
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ggfred4
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ditto

October 26, 2006
10:02 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, you did nothing to me; I did it to myself...I am totally confused and stressed out, but it had nothing to do with what you told us...like I said that makes me love you more since you trusted us enough to tell...

October 26, 2006
10:03 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Do you want to talk? Or do you just need to know that I am here. I am here, I don't know for how long tonight, but if you need me I will be here. I am SO glad that you posted. At least I know that you are ok. Physically. I care so much about you...I was so afraid that i hurt you more. I wasn't trying to do that, and i hope that you understand that. I just wanted you to come back and talk to me.

October 26, 2006
10:05 pm
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ggfred4
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You did not hurt me. I hurt myself by what I did...I have reread what all of you wrote and learned a lot...mich, I am sorry that I made you hurt today...I feel awful now about that...

October 26, 2006
10:05 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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GG, do you know what is bugging you and you are just afraid to talk about it? Do you want to talk about it, or do you just want me to drop it? I will do whatever is best for you right now, I will. I just want to help you the way that you have helped me. If that means just wrapping you up in the afghan and holding you close tonight that is what I will do.

October 26, 2006
10:07 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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Please don't feel bad GG. You didn't hurt me, my insecurity got the best of me. I just was sorry that I wasn't there to help you. I want to be there for you just as you have been for me. I love you. I am so glad you posted tonight. I don't know that I would have slept.

October 26, 2006
10:09 pm
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ggfred4
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mich, i really don't know what is wrong or i am in denial; don't know...gosh, more tears, don't go please...unless you have to, yes,i am now asking for you to hold me and that scares me to ask that of someone...why, i don't know...

October 26, 2006
10:12 pm
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am here holding you honey....I promise. Just put your head on my shoulder and let it all out. All of it GG. Don't hold it in anymore. It is eating at you. If you need to talk while crying....then DO IT. I am here listening..

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