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Where is lovesickpuppie?
May 1, 2004
10:25 pm
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Juanita
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Oh Lovesick.... Hold on. Breathe.... Breathe again. You are 14. She is 14. How is she gonna move abroad? We all have dreams of adventure. My husband and I did at your ages... He was going to join a traveling circus that went to schools to help children put on their own circus performances. Me, I dreamed of going to some far off college in a warm, sunny local and meeting a totally tan guy with dancing blue eyes. Neither of us did these things. We had dreams, and those dreams change with time and life experiences. We didn't give up on our dreams, our goals just changed. That's not bad either, just shows that time has an affect on us and what we want.

You are feeling new feelings you've never encountered before. They are sharp and to the point feelings. Remember the pain you experienced with growing pains? Your muscles or joints aching so bad because they were growing so quickly? Your heart can suffer the same way. You are learning a whole new set of emotions you never thought possible. These are catching you off-guard, & knocking you for a loop. They are real feelings. With time, growth, and experience, you will add into the mix not just pure emotion, but thought and "reality". You are only 14. You feel Emma is the one and only girl for you, but you have not yet had enough variety in your experiences to know this for sure. She is also just 14. You've said in the past how she can't make up her mind, and has said things to keep you dangling. She may not be doing this meanly, but is just not mature. She can't move abroad without her parents help and consent can she??

Emma was probably just having a bad day & venting in a dream/wishful way. Probably wanted to know you would miss her. If she was feeling lonesome or upset, knowing someone would miss her & not want her to go would have helped her feel better. I know girls, we don't always come out and tell you whats bugging us. We dance around the subject, toss out hypothetical ideas and "what if's" and hope that you are psyhic enough to answer the true question & figure us out. We don't even know we are doing it sometimes (must be in our genes). I bet any dough, Emma wanted to know you would miss her if she left. Whether she was doing this because she was sad, wanted to know if you were still interested, or wanted to (pardon me) "yank your chain" for an ego lift.... I don't know - coulda been all three knowing how complex us gals can be, especially when we are hormonal! And at 14... Emma's hormones are raging, just like yours. She probably doesn't know what her heart wants aside from a broad spectrum of love, romance, and sense of adventure.

I hope this helps you Pup. Please don't harm yourself. Cutting is not the way to go. You are a smart young guy with so much ahead to look forward too. I won't kid you - yes, SOME things are gonna hurt - but you live and move onto BETTER things.

You wished us a Happy Easter before, so I assume you believe in God. Remember this, He will never give you a cross to heavy to bear. Re-look "Footprints". It is comforting to know you have love, support, guidance and comfort from up above.... as well as from the USA.

Be well my heart. I was there not-so-long ago. I remember how it feels to cry your eyes out & have your heart ache so bad. It will get better, I promise. You're someone special. It will work out in the end. Have faith.

Juanita

May 2, 2004
12:32 pm
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lovesickpuppie
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mm maybe youre right it jus got to me that night cos i was already down and yeh she was actually feeling down.

i wont start self harm yet by the way.

and yeh i do belive in a god but im not religious in anyway nor do i belive god interferes with our lives, just thought id make that clear 🙂

althought it does seem a little like one of her little dreams it would actually be possible for her to move abroad 1 day cos her familly has quite abit of money so shed get the financial help she would need.

but actually i think ure rigbht maybe she wont.

and now for a change i might have some help for everyone else ! a freind ( carla ) told me about this site its kinda a support site its all free and confidential, they dont even get ure email address, if you go to http://www.samaritans.com you can email them telling them how ure feeling and stuff like that and they will reply and they are trained to help and its free and its quite helpfull, kinda like an email counseling service, i reccomend it to anyone struggling with life!

May 2, 2004
12:34 pm
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lovesickpuppie
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sorry its http://www.samaritans.co.uk not .com

May 3, 2004
4:35 am
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lovesickpuppie
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update: for once its good !!!!!

after speaking to an online counselor ( if ya want the address tell me but u have to be 13-19) ive decided its time to move on and i feel ready, so last nite i texted rhi, one of the girls who i like and she also likes me, i asked her out after a talk of how we could see eachother and would it work out she said yes !!! wooohooo !! so now i can leave emma alone and focus on rhi and its working so far!! atlast im happy! hope you all have good luck too !

and if youre 13-19 years old and want the site jus ask, i cant be bothered to put it in here cos this is already long!

May 4, 2004
9:47 am
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sham69
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Hi LSP

Just been reading some of ur posts looks like its been a bit tough but youi gotta remember you are not alone millions of teenagers and even older go thru the same stuff it may seem like the end of the world and that you are in a deep black hole with no way out but its obvious that Ema is not the one for you , you will however find your soulmate if you keep looking i firmly believe our right "other half to the jigsaw " is out there it may take a few misfires along the way even a marriage or two but in the end you find them.
Being a parent I believe you should talk to your dad/mum if at all possible you would be suprised how easy it is they wont laugh or dismiss it,but they will be grateful and see it as a sign of maturity.
Hope all goes well with rhi but dont pin all on her thats not fair and would be a burden to a new relationship just get out have fun and if shes the one you will know
no matter if shes lives miles away.

Best of luck
shammy

May 4, 2004
11:06 am
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lovesickpuppie
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thing is, i went back to skool today after a month off, and, i saw emma and its like no-one or nothing matters axcept her and it somehow seems stupid to go out with rhi, like im ruining my chances with emma, i know im not and i will stay with rhi but last night i was talking to emma and she seemed really interested in me and rhi, it could be that shes interested cos im a mate but if she does fancy me and didnt tell me then i know its her fault not mine that were not together but id feel bad. just seeing emma today re-ignighted that flame that i have for herits like nothing will stop me loving emma and getting down about it, i might speak to that counselor again tonight, im not sure.

May 4, 2004
4:05 pm
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lovesickpuppie
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sorry to keep posting but thought u might like to know how its going ! if i get annoying tell me to shut up !

spoke to rhi on the fone and im happy now again! looking forward to saturday so i can meet rhi yay !

May 4, 2004
9:22 pm
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Juanita
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Congratulations! I am so happy for you being happy. Let us know how Saturday nite goes.... Wishing you a great time!

May 5, 2004
12:17 pm
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lovesickpuppie
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ooo i cant wait till saturday lol, only 2 days away now 😀 going to see a movie me thinks, and also jon asked emma if she would date dan and she jus went redish and smiled so theyll get together and the thought of it isnt upsetting me atall i still do really really like her but im gonna keep it as that LIKE not LOVE jus a freindship 🙂

things are atlast looking up for me, at first i thought you were all wrong about finding another person but now i see you were all right lol, ill never doubt you all again !

May 6, 2004
10:49 pm
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Juanita
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You doubted oh young pup??? You are forgiven! Some things we just have to experience ourselves. Now, maybe next time you will listen to us... whatever the topic may be about!

Wishing you well for an exciting date Sat. nite! Have fun!

May 7, 2004
10:22 am
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lovesickpuppie
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lol, yeh maybe, but you now us men, were stubborn as hell !

im meeting rhi (thats my gfs name ! ) on saturday ( wich is tomorrow incase you didnt know )and i so cant wait, i never thought id say this but, ........ ive finally found someone who looks better then emma ! didnt think that was possible ! i still love emma yet i cant think why cos now she jus looks boring lol ( hope she dont read this ) but im getting over her, even dan talking about going out with her dont bother me, and jon asked her if dan asked her out would she say yes and she just smiled and blushed but it dont bother me this time 🙂

May 9, 2004
5:21 am
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lovesickpuppie
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well i went and met rhi, my gf, yesterday and it was like the best day of my life ( untill next saturday ) we went and saw a really good movie walked around abit, tried to get her mate to date my mate, and jus had a laugh, we didnt kiss or anything cos we were both too shy but i have plans for next saturday ;), we get on really well when were not shy ! and never thought love could feel good, i was really really nervous when her bus arrived but i got over it, its a shame she lives so far away but i think it could last awhile 🙂

May 9, 2004
2:44 pm
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Juanita
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Congratulations Pup! Glad you had great time... Stay in touch even though things are better...

Sshhh.... and remember (whispering here) tilt your head a little when you kiss her so you won't bump noses! 😉

Best wishes!

J

May 9, 2004
3:20 pm
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lovesickpuppie
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lol, id hve to bend down, im 6 foot and 3 inches tall shes about 5 foot ! had a really good dream about her last nite, i was with her again ( for the first time tho ) and we were kissing and huggin and stuf and i was very dissapointed when i woke up ! and i have to wait a whole 6 days befor i get to see her,but ive decided to do alittle more than i did yesterday ! lol

and ill think ill stay on here and try to offer advice to others 🙂

May 16, 2004
2:57 pm
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lovesickpuppie
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humm, im back.

thought all was well and maybe it is, but ive got this sense of overwhelming loneliness and i get scared of it, so im really not feeling great at the mo and its making me snappy, theres probably nuttin anyone can do , i probably just gotta ride it out, but i cant jus sit here doing nothing, i need to talk to someone, im talking to some mates online, maybe its cos i aint tlked to emma in a few days, sounds silly i know, but ive become dependent of her, and even tho i dont lobve her so much now, its just stuck with me, like my brain is trying to tell me heart to love her but my heart is saying no. telling someone this is helping and ill probably be ok by morning, im lookig forward to skool cos how can i possibly feel lonely with 1,200 others around me?

May 16, 2004
7:46 pm
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Juanita
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Hey there.... I believe what you are experiencing & feeling is that it is hard to let go of your first love. I still remember mine. It will get easier with time & you will still think of Emma - just not as often - and when you do (eventually) your thoughts will be pleasant in nature & become fond memories.... even if you are still friends in the future, your loving thoughts will be fond memories. Make sense? The nearest way I can describe it is that I have cherished memories of my first love - kinda like the embers that have died down in a fire but don't quite go out.
Hope that helps some...

What happened to your new GF? Did you see or talk to her this week? Also, how's karate?

Be well Pup... Have a good week at school.

May 17, 2004
3:37 pm
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lovesickpuppie
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well ive given up karate cos im bored of it, and i aint seen my gf this weekend and its bin really hard to keep my love focussed mainly on her and not emma, and ive bin feeling down lately, yet i cant explain why, all i can think of is a chemical thing in me brain, maybe its stuck, and its like im fighting to stay happy. its really annoying that i cant pin point the cause, atleast if i could i could seek help in sorting it out, could be that i hate my familly and nearly hit my nan earlier, had to walk away. am pannig to move to scotland, away from emma ( will cause pain at first but will eventually forget my feelings for her ) away from familly and best of all it so beautiful there, lots of inspiration for my poetry and its never too hot, today its been about 25 and i know it dont sound that hot compared to some places but in england it gets humid and i hate it ! anyway better stop now befor this is too long !

May 17, 2004
10:18 pm
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Juanita
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Pup... have you ever thought about talking to your doctor about your depression? I've been in the slumps myself for quiet awhile and am in the process of checking it out. Maybe you should too. We all need help once in a while, and if its chemical imbalance ... why suffer when there is help available? You are a teenager. These are supposed to be the best years of your life, but they will be filled with radical ups and downs. I know. Been there... I'm sorry to hear that you hate your family. You've never really said what's going on at home. I'm hoping normal teenage/parental angst. Hating curfews, rules, cleaning your room, homework & stuff... that's normal. Is it more? If you can't talk about it here, maybe you should seek a counselor.

I'm hoping today was a better day for you. Try to focus on the positive things and goals. You'll get thru this.

May 18, 2004
11:11 am
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lovesickpuppie
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well i hate my familly cos everything gets blamed on me, if me and my bro have an arguement who do they blame ? me, fuck them all, im sorry to swear but i am really anooyed at my bro espescially, the fact that its summer and its too hot and i cant get comfortable isnt helping, im not keen on dan anymore hes being a dick and i cant break away from emma. it could just be my age, but then it could be that it was passed down from my mum, i know she had to have tablets to stop her feeling depressed, but that was after i was born. it jus seems so stupid tho to be feeling down for no reason

May 19, 2004
2:40 am
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lovesickpuppie
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well my bro is 11 and im 14 so hes younger, but he is so immature for his age, we have a stepbro who is 10 i think and he has ADHD ( goes hyperactive alot and cant concentrate and is immature) and my bro is just copying what he does now, watchin cartons for 7 year olds. i get annoyed at my step dad too sometimes, we havent got much money and he knows it, its only him that works and my mum has applied for another job after her depression. but he goes down the pub every night for like 3 - 4 hours spending half his income every day, mum and him have alot of arguements too wich isnt the greatest thing, bro ends up crying, i end up restraining myself not to whack stepdad.my dad is kool tho, and his gf.

May 19, 2004
12:08 pm
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lovesickpuppie
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none of my familly know how im feeling, and they think its jus my hormones making me angry but infact its not, and 2day i need advice for emma, it might be that i heard it totally wrong but i think not,in skool today emma was talking to nic, saying that she did sumthing again the other night nic replied " who to " emma said " my sis, they left the knife drawer open again, i dont even remember going into the kitchen but then my mum was shoutin put the knife down" i am so worried that emma actually tried to kill her sis in her sleep, and my mate carla and i belive there are spiritsd and the afterlife and stuff, and theres a thing called astral travel, she can kinda see things that happened in the past that she didnt actually witness, hard to explain but i asked her to do it and she told me that emma got a knife walked to her sis bedroom pointed it at her just as her mum came in and stopped her, carla also said that she saw emmas soul kinda thing NOT in emmas body, and i had a feeling another spirit was controlling emma, as in sleep we are weak to them and an evil one can easilly overpower us and take our body, when this happens calling the person back can normally bring them back to thier own body and i think thats what happend, and im jus so worried, lost my appitite feeling sick, what do i do ?

May 20, 2004
8:46 am
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Juanita
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Ummm Pup??? I know your beliefs are different than mine. I'm not saying what Emma is telling you couldn't happen, but ..... the chances seem pretty slim.... I wish Emma could get into some counselling & hopefully now she will before something really bad happens. To me, it seems more likely that she could have some repressed anger & is trying to act it out while sleep walking. It might not necessarily be directed to her sister. In dreams, things are not always as they seem. Emma definitely needs help. You are a wonderful young man to care so much, but direct her to a professional. This is beyond what we can do on our own. All we can do is offer love & support, and you do the same.

And, for your home life.... talk to your Dad. Really. You have enough to cope with being a teen, life at home should be kind of a haven from the troubles of the every day. Trust me - talk to Dad.

Be well...

May 20, 2004
10:24 am
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lovesickpuppie
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well regarding the emma thing she said it was joke and then she said she was tlkin bout a dream, thing is, emma cant talk seriously about things, im jus gonna forget about it but keep an eye on her cos like you said if it did happen then its way outta our league

May 21, 2004
11:31 am
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lovesickpuppie
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mm feeling bad today, jus need somewhere to share my feelings, i cant keep them in otherwise i think on them.

had an arguement with my mum grandad was annoyin me alot so was my bro, and dan keeps talking about him fancyin emma and how he wants to go out with her and stuff. and i cant keep away from emma, im trying to convince myself that i dont love emma and its not working, the only other thing i can do is bottle it up wich worked once before but then i started thinking about how nice she is and it all came out stronger so im not doing that again, i jus cant take much more of this crap

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