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Where is everyone???!!!!!
June 28, 2005
10:36 pm
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Hellooooo!

It is 10:30 pm... I went to a Mary Kaye demonstration tonight and had two glasses of wine. All of my inhibitions are GONE!!!!! He called while I was there and I answered the phone. Ugh!!!!!!!!!!

I told him that I couldn't talk because I was surrounded by people. He was irritated and had an attitude like I had done something to hurt him!!! He wanted ME to call him back... I said no... you can call me... and we got "disconnected"... actually I think he hung up on me... I hate him!

I am so mad that I picked up that damn phone!!!! Plus, I'm mad that I now look like a painted lady that is ready to walk the streets... those Mary Kaye representatives are relentless!!!!!!!

June 28, 2005
10:43 pm
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sailorgrl
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Hi TC,

I'm new to this whole thread site. I have spent all day reading everyone's and I finally decided to post my own dilema. Be strong. Don't answer that phone again. I've never been to Mary Kay but I have been to an Aveda counter and I think that they're all the same. Where do they think that you are going to go when you leave the mall in the middle of the afternoon? The Oscars? Plus, Aveda products smell so pungent. Nauseating.

June 28, 2005
10:56 pm
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lost and found
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don't be so hard on yourself, ok, u made a mistake....start now undoing it. mary kay picture...lol

June 28, 2005
11:04 pm
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try not to call him back, since u are so mad then, u will be reacting to him, that's what he wants

June 28, 2005
11:28 pm
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Isn't it amazing how they are so in tuned as to when we are finally enjoying ourselves! LOL. Don't let him spoil your good time, thats what he probably wants, now your mind is on him now. He is hoping that you will call him back. Why? You know in your heart what that reason is. It's probably not a very good one, like...I just want to make you feel guilty...or...I want to feel control over you...

I don't know his history or yours, but it sounds like that even though you do look like a "painted lady" (LOL! Very descriptive. 🙂 )You needed to let your hair down a bit. Be careful not to let him and the wine, ruin the good time that you and your wine were having to begin with. 🙂 I know how alcohol can affect my emotions and it isn't the best time for decisions like that, as a matter of fact, I feel so much guilt when I drink and have fun and then I get sad. No fun at all. I steer clear of the firewater when I am going through "stuff". 😉

Stay strong,
~Hider

June 28, 2005
11:30 pm
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turnabout
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I think you did GREAT!! You answered the phone, but you held your ground without letting him rile you. I have to give you props, girl!

Hey, and what's with the MK party? I used to be an MK lady (it lasted about 2 months), and you're supposed to make up your OWN face. My god, tc, what have you DONE?!!?! LOL

June 29, 2005
12:14 am
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exoticflower
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Wow, maybe I should be painted like a whore on tuesday and have a couple of glasses of vino tonight! You reacted completely apropriately to your situation, I admire you. Don't be mad, phones should be answered! It's why they come with ringers!

and when there is a headache at the other end, way to douse him with tylenol...thank god you where 'disconnected', more time to enjoy yourself!

For fun, while you still look like a taxi dancer, take some digital prints of yourself and make them black and white on photo shop--too much makup looks great that way!

June 29, 2005
12:52 am
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exoticflower
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Joking about the 'whore on tuesday' thing, you know...something my sister used to say when we went out clubbng with fake IDs in our teens...or rather when she did and I did seperately (we where both WAY too cool to talk to each other and admit it)...I'm sure you look like a rahter chast woman unfairly cosmeticaly slaughtered.

June 29, 2005
7:41 am
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Hey TC

I've been on vacation.

Nothing wrong with answering the phone after a few drinks. Look at the reinforcement you got about what a jerk he is. Just think of it as a reminder that you are doing the right thing.

As far as the Mary Kay.... Can't help much with that... I'm sure you looked very nice...:o)

June 29, 2005
9:15 am
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I don't know what is more shocking; that you answered the phone and it was dink-nuts, or that you had WINE at a Mary Kay demo! What were you thinking!?! That's how they get you to buy the 3 kinds of foundation!

All kidding aside--yikes! Don't call him, tc. Read my thread from yesterday and just fill in the "2b's" with TC's. Come back and chat soon.

frayed! I missed you! How was your trip? How are you doing?--2b

June 29, 2005
9:26 am
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Hello 2B

I missed you and everyone else also... Thank you for missing me and asking about me....

Trip was great.. Nice to be around supportive family members. And, I'm SO VERY fortunate in that regard. Being 1300 miles away from current problems and back in my small town setting was very refreshing. I started a new thread about someone I just started seeing... "Do I need to put on the brakes". I would love your input...

How have things been going for you? I have searched thru the threads the last 2 days.. I haven't seen any unusual problems/setbacks for you... Am I correct?

June 29, 2005
9:30 am
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exoticflower
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" don't know what is more shocking; that you answered the phone and it was dink-nuts, or that you had WINE at a Mary Kay demo! What were you thinking!?! That's how they get you to buy the 3 kinds of foundation! "

I've become a Mary kay addict, and i must admit, this is how they hooked me...16, new checking account, DEBIT CARD, and wine! Still need the toner just to make it through the day without shaking!!!

June 29, 2005
10:37 am
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Before you all pat me on the back for my strength... I have a confession...

Yes, after 2 glasses of wine... I answered the phone BUT.... After 3 glasses of wine, I called him back when I got home!!!! Ugh!!!!!! He didn't answer his phone. He was out at the bar with the boys. That was at around 11:00 p.m. I left a short message and hung up. Nothing bad...

Then, he called me back at around 2:00am when he got home. He was DRUNK!!! And ANGRY! At me??? Huh??? What did I do???????? He went on and on and on and on about how unfair I was to HIM in our relationship...how I never gave him a chance to get close to my kids (not true), how I was SO jealous (also not true), how I was still in love with my ex-husband (WAY, WAY, WAY Not True!!!)....

The things he was saying were so completely INSANE that I just kept laughing at him... which in turn infuriated him!!!!!!!

Oh, Turnabout... You will LOVE this one!!! He actually said that the reason he was calling me so many times over the last two days was because he wanted to talk to me about my letter! He said "You said some nice things... I wanted to discuss them!!!! Hahahahaha hoohoo! Hysterical!!! He DID NOT want to talk about my letter. He wanted to know why I didn't leave him a cute little note, with hearts, smily faces and flowers when I dropped off his things in his mailbox. Egotistical Jacka$$!!!!!

He sensed that he didn't have me dangling on his stupid little hook anymore, clenching my teeth around his pewny little piece of bait!!!!

Ugh!!!!!! I see it soooo clearly!!!!!
He is so lame!

So, he yelled at me for about an hour.... I spoke in soft, even tones... trying to reason with a man who has the emotional capacity to reason of a 2 year old child (and THAT may even be giving him more credit than he deserves!).

He ended up hanging up on me, because it was late and he needed to work in the morning!!!!! Now, keep in mind... HE called ME!!!!!!!!!

In his rampage, he was throwing out F-bombs like crazy, plus using some other language that is just so disgusting that I can't even bring myself to type it (I'd need to disinfect my keyboard)... He hit me with some really low blows. Again, I just said "Nice..." and didn't let it get to me.

Well, he hung up on me last night and called back this morning to apologize for his "bad language"... not for the rotten things he said to me, only for his "bad language"... I said "you should be apologizing for more than that"...To which he turned it around again..."See, I apologize and this is what I get. I don't even know why I bothered to call you. I've got to go to work". I hung up the phone.

INSANE! I am so much better than this! He is a nut! Not even a good salty one... he is a rotten, maggot infested, stale and stinky nut!!!!

You guys all made me laugh with your comments about Mary Kaye!!!!! I don't even know what I bought... All I know is that it costs $55.00 and felt like little shards of glass on my skin (I think that was the exfoliating properties!)...Anyway, It is supposed to take "years" off of your appearance!!!!! Last week, I was carded at a bar... Next week... I want to be carded at a PG-13 Movie!!!!

Exotic... Today is a big day for you. How are you?????

As always, Thanks for the support everyone!!! I love you!!!!!!

TC

June 29, 2005
11:39 am
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2bstrong
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tc--what is happening here? We cannot leave you alone for five minutes. Sheesh.

Now. Is he going to call you back? Did you actually talk with him this morning, or did he leave his diatribe on the voicemail? Wait a minute--I see you did talk to him but you hung up on him.

This guy is whacked. Did you say that he has never been married and he is 42? I have to be careful because I have never been married and I'm 41.

Yeah, exotic. What is going on?

June 29, 2005
11:48 am
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Yes, I talked to him this morning and felt NO SATISFACTION at all!!! I felt strong and in control... but felt like HE thought HE was in control. So... I left him a voice mail that went something like this:

Ahem, "(Insert name), You know? I don't know why I allowed myself to get sucked back into this insanity, because that's what it is and that is why I was not answering your calls. I don't know what goes on inside that head of yours, but I know that I have done nothing wrong. You called this morning to apologize for your language, but what you SHOULD have apologized for was the things that you said, not the WORDS you used to say them."

"I have been nothing but good to you and I do not deserve the way you have been treating me, which is like dirt. I want no part of this anymore"...

I know that I should have just let it go, but those words would have been knawing at me until I got them out. Now, I did and it's back to not answering the phone (That's if the snivelling idiot decides to respond... which I don't think he has the guts to)...

June 29, 2005
11:54 am
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tc...what happened???

By leaving that voicemessage you were trying to control...you were trying to get a reaction, and you know by now that is just impossible to control...so ok, you need to just let that go now. Too late to rewind, but just chalk it down to experience and remind yourself that you'll no better next time...

And b.t.w. They've started doing Mary Kay stuff here..I went to a party a few months ago, ended up buying stuff I couldn't afford!!

June 29, 2005
12:04 pm
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Hey Rev... I knew it was wrong as I was dialing the numbers... but I was compelled to do it! To NOT let him have the last word! Immature and controlling? Yes, I know... but I don't really regret it. It's out.... I said what I wanted to say... Time to move forward.

Mary Kaye has some beautiful products, I'll admit but I DO think that it is a bit overpriced.

I can get comparable products at my local Wal-Mart... for half the price! Although, if I was at the Wal-Mart, I wouldn't be drinking heavily and impulse buying!!!!!!

June 29, 2005
12:29 pm
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TC--

Do you think you have said everything that you want to say? If you want to say anything else to this guy--say it to us instead. God! Easy for me to say. It is but for the grace of God that I haven't called him.

I agree with rev--she said the same thing yesterday to me on my thread. It is about control. I want to make him react to me. To notice me. To know that I am the one making the decisions and choices.

I used to be a make-up and cosmetic/hair product junkie. Then I bought a house. It has taken me almost seven years to be able to have somewhat of an expendable income again. I stll shop at Wal-mart, and the beauty supply stores for the most part. Once in a while I splurge, though.

June 29, 2005
12:40 pm
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TC

It's so amazing reading all of our stories. WHY DO WE LOVE AND FEEL THE NEED TO BE IN CONTACT WITH ALL OF OUR PATHETIC EX'S????? Even our 5 year old children know better than to play with bully's and friends who treat them badly...

What I like about reading your thread.... You are using what started out as a "negative thing" and have turned it into something more positive for you as your thread weaves. I'm so glad you had sooooo many great responses to this thread.. We are all so lucky to have this site..

June 29, 2005
12:42 pm
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Hi TC
I'm glad you're feeling pretty strong right now...my experience, however, would lead me to say watch out for the "crash" that is coming.

You're on a high because you had a drama filled confrontation...drama can be like a drug for me!! I can stay hopped up for days, but when I crash...boy do I crash!!

I have to agree with the gals on this one...I understand the compulsive urge to call, fight back, respond, have your say...but the truth is, it just plays into the game.

And...when you don't hear that response from him...get that reaction...the victory may feel hollow. That's when I'm on shaky ground personally...that's the time to get out my books and have a plan of distraction so that, in a moment of weakness, I don't cave in and contact him...again!

It worked for me. Just before I started no contact, I blasted my ex in an email...said everything I thought I wanted to say...I felt like a queen for a couple of days...then, the days just passed and NOTHING! No reaction, no response, NOTHING!

After starting no contact, I had a good 10-15 other "things" that I "needed" to say for closure. But I never did. And they passed, and I realized there would always be some excuse...some reason to engage him unless I just drew a line and said "no more".

Hopefully, you can draw your line now?

BTW- it's so funny what a little bit of wine can do! I was ready to file for divorce...had a bottle of red with some friends, and 3 hours later I was in the sack with my stbx!

And I ended up pregnant- 7 months abstainance...one night of wine...baby #3!

I have a rule for when baby is born...no unsupervised drinking! Why? Because it messes with your abillity to control your impulses, and I don't need another baby with this man!!!! 🙂

kc

June 29, 2005
12:57 pm
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ooooh kc--the drama high. I forgot about that because since no contact my life is a flat line. GOOD POINT! I also have a litany of "closure statements". Better to share them here...and this too shall pass.

tc--get ready for the biggest contact hangover! (Please don't think I am trying to be mean) Take two aspirins and call us immediately.

Frayed: Good analogy about the children. Isn't this fun? I need these boards sooo much. : )

June 29, 2005
1:52 pm
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turnabout
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Okay, first, congratulations on not REACTING emotionally while on the phone with him. If this is your last contact, it's a good way to go.

Second, BOOO on answering the phone when he called at an inappropriate hour (well, regardless of when it was) and leaving him that message. You revealed that your motivation was "To NOT let him have the last word!" Whew! That's a big setup, b/c there's no such thing. He goes on talking the situation HIS way to whomever will listen, and you do the same. No one gets to "win" by getting the last word, but we all try for some reason. And, you already pointed out that it wasn't really ALL that you have to say. When the "crash" comes (I LOVE that term, KC!!!), you'll really start believing you HAVE to say them, so it's a vicious cycle.

It's all about trying to get the upper hand, which is funny b/c you don't need it. You have the upperhand by just being rid of him.

But, boyeee, that temptation to contact is soo hard. Been tempted to IM the ex today, but, luckily, no IM at work -- Not until lunch, by which time I was able to talk myself out of it. Having a mental storm today. Maybe I can share later. Back to work!

June 29, 2005
1:55 pm
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Frayed, I agree. We are so lucky to have this site and I don't know why I would even give this guy the time of day... never mind giving him my heart.

He has done a number on me... and you are right. I need to start thinking more like a 5 year old....No more playing with the bully. I need to pick up my ball and go home!!!!!

2B...Yes, I feel like I've said everything I need to say HOWEVER I do not feel like he heard one word of it!!! I have spilled my guts to him... have loved him unconditionally and offered him constant support and understanding. HE, has done nothing but criticize my negative points over and over and over! Like he does not hear ONE word I say! It is so frustrating.
I just keep waiting for the big old lightbulb to go off on the top of his big stupid head and he'll understand what I've been saying and take responsibility for his own actions. Unfortunately, I think it is more likely that monkeys will fly out of my butt before that happens.
Sad!

KC... You are so right. I can already feel the crash coming. When I'm in the midst of the drama... I don't want it! I KNOW how it will turn out and I WANT it to be over. Honestly, I do! I hate that I keep feeding the big old monster... I hate that I am back to day one again!
I hate that I have called home to check my messages! I hate it all! It is so destructive!

You know, drinking alcohol while going through this is really NOT good, butI can't blame the wine... it's me... the wine was my excuse (I've done it a couple of times)... he uses alcohol too to not have to be accountable for his actions, but I am bigger than that. I can admit that I am weak. He can't, but HE IS!!

June 29, 2005
3:11 pm
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Hi, tc66. I've been reading all this & I really do feel for you! I too use wine, lack of sleep etc as excuses, to blame for my pathetic, immature lapses of judgement or self-control. The annoying thing is, I DO "know better" in theory - it's just the tiny detail of living better in reality that trips me up! lol.

About getting the last word: can't you feel you are gaining control of the situation by putting the boot on the other foot? You want to have your say in order to have an effect on him & get a reaction.
So, if you keep trying to have the last word, you will stay dangling,in his power, waiting for his response ... so it all just perpetuates. So why not leave HIM dangling, by not responding to him? Wouldn't that give you your own power back? And leave him as helpless as you feel now? That might make him think & grow ... (or not! Then good riddance. lol.)

Once you stop hanging on his responses you will be back in control. Hip hip hoorah! Sound the fanfares!

Blessings - gazelle.

June 29, 2005
3:16 pm
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Hang in there tc, and don't touch that phone! I often found the urge even worse to call after a drama crash...to explain myself...then to explain myself explaining myself...all desparate attempts to feel better.

I found calling a good friend much more helpful...it was hard at first to open up...I had a really hard time even identifying how I was feeling, let alone describe it to someone else! But it got easier, and eventually, I could get back on "solid" ground with a little bit of a helping hand, and those feelings would pass, and he would be none the wiser.

Stay away from the phone 🙂 You'll be fine...I like 2b's analogy...a contact hangover!

kc

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