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when your lover has been lying
February 26, 2006
7:27 pm
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capercaillie
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My lover of 21 months started off the relationship without telling me he still had two girl friends on the go. He did gradually chuck tham and like an idiot I hung on as I had fallen in love with his fun-loving attitude. 21 months on I have put up with his very complicated mood swings and for the last 6 months his gradual lessening of interest in me revealed by late phone calls late visits or called off visits. I tried to get him to talk but he wouldn't and kept me going by extreme charm and promises of - a trip to Paris, moving nearer, presents etc. Last week I discovered from a friend that he had been to her house when he told me he had been somewhere else and he had been arranging a trip to Switzerland that he told me 6 months ago he was not going on. I rang him up and said goodbye. I got hime to admit that he was never interested in living with me and I think the whole thing had been cunningly planned as a fling right from the start. I am feeling I have lost my trust in a big way and feel tainted by him. Does anyone know what I mean?

February 26, 2006
7:38 pm
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CAMER
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yes i do...this man sounds like a player...and when the gut instinct of yours kicks in "listen to it" like you are doing...some men can get away with this behavior, but it will hurt them and catch up to them in the long run.

Its better you found out now, than later...you don't need a man like this.

(((camer)))

February 26, 2006
8:35 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi Capercalli,

I understand what it's like to be taken advantage of. Yes! That does make it difficult to trust.

But as far as I can tell, this fella didn't deserve your trust from the begining. Dating two women while dating you is not something a good guy would do.

His ability to exert charm and gloss over problems in the relationship may be beyond his control right not...it could be the way he learned to survive, in his family, as a child. This However, it's NOT your problem.

Your wounds are fresh right now and there is not denying the hurt; I'm sorry. But, there will come a time when all your remember about this nasty ordeal are the powerful life lessons it taught you.

You will trust again!

February 26, 2006
8:49 pm
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taj64
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I think you deserve better than this. He is a player and not to be trusted. It doesn't sound like you want this type of man. think hard about whether or not you can continue with this man. It just isn't worth it if you cannot trust him. Trust is very important in a relationship and without it, the relationship will not succeed no matte how much you put into it.

February 27, 2006
5:35 am
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capercaillie
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Thanks young and restless (and everyone else) Yes I did go into this knowing he was a bad lot but I suppose some how imagining I might make a difference..........
I do think you are spot on that it's how he learnt to survive in his childhood when his 3 brothers were fighting and he the little one had to diffuse the situation as his mother was not coping at all. Still as you say it's not my problem. I feel tainted by it right now but will learn from it . Definitely get wise . I read yesterday - experience is what you get when all else fails!

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