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When you Love Someone and they don't love you back
December 30, 2003
12:04 am
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strengthishere
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Hi there,

I've realized something, if anyone can relate.... We try so hard to gain that love from that certain someone, that acceptance that they love us, well what I'm starting to realize is that I need to love myself first. I think I suffer from low self-esteem and I need to love myself first and screw the other person, if they don't love me, well the world is a big place and I want to love myself first before I find someone new to love me. If you find yourself wondering or hurting about someone else's feeling just remember that you need to find yourself and love yourself first.

December 30, 2003
12:44 am
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wigirlfedup
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I totally agree with you!
I know i have low self esteem, but it is a very hard thing to deal with i guess you could say "easier said than done"!
I've tried to love myself first, but i am constantly worried about what the other person is thinking about ME like is that girl prettier, or am i to fat, or now that i am pregnant are you going to leave me since i am bigger, it goes on and on!
If you know of any good books, or tips on how to try to solve this please let me know!!

December 30, 2003
1:54 am
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gingerleigh
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Self esteem, just loving oneself for "being"... that's a tough leap to make. Maybe start with learning to love yourself for "doing". Pick a talent you have and develop it, use that talent to give back to the community or world in some way. Just like the old saying "you are what you eat" in many ways "you are what you do" as well.

December 30, 2003
4:14 am
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Kessie
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Oh is this familiar, I've tried so hard to gain self esteem, doing things, being successful, but it's never enough, - still the most important thing in life for me is pleasing other people; I go to any lengths to do it - because other people's approval is the only way I get self esteem. If anyone out there can give me a step by step guide to curing that, let's hear it!!
K

December 30, 2003
4:17 am
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Kessie
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Just writing that down makes me cry.

December 30, 2003
5:15 am
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Kessie
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But I mustn't sit here whingeing because we've loads of people coming for lunch on Thursday and if I dont have everything absolutely perfect they'll think I'm a BAD PERSON.

See what I mean?

December 30, 2003
9:27 am
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strengthishere
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I suggested two books in the Motivational Books thread. I believe one is "The six pillars of Self Esteem" and the second one is, oh I forgot the name of that one "10 Days to Self Esteem" (it's a workbook) and of course due to my procastination and combination of being a single mother to a 4 year old I haven't read them yet but do plan on it.

Kessie, maybe you should order out and throw everyone for a loop!!!!! and then just sit back and observe all of their reactions!! Just Kidding, don't worry I'm sure that you'll be fine!!!!

December 30, 2003
11:34 am
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gingerleigh
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I'm not talking about successful in the "traditional" sense... you know, career, money, new car, new house, perfect trophy wife/husband, 3 perfect kids... I'm talking about doing something that is truly giving and feels good to you, not like it's sucking the life out of you. For me, I play and sing in various musical groups in my city. All of our concerts are free, or proceeds go to charity. I also play at different churches, free of charge. Music is what I do, and in so doing, I am giving back but not emptying my soul. My husband is in the National Guard, which in most cases means that he works during the week like most folks, then periodically he has drills where he and his men train as part of the US Army. Then in times of need (as in the current war), they are called up. They have done everything from fight forest fires, crowd control, flood protection, you name it. It's exhausting but an integral part of who he is. To us, these activities don't feel like "people pleasing..." they feel like "people helping", to each of us in our own way.

Another book I recommend is "The Dark Side of the Light Chasers". I think you'll find it interesting.

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