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When should committment come into play?
May 21, 2004
10:06 am
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rio
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Do you guys get sick of "newbie" posters who bombard you with questions?? I hope not. 🙂

I'm just curious about this... recently had a chat with the man I am dating about 'where we stand' and he is content with dating exclusively for the time being. I agree that it is a good spot for us to be in right now (we have only been seeing eachother for almost two months). He also said that if and when I come to the point where I am no longer satisfied with just dating, that I should tell him and we would discuss the situation.

To be 100% honest, I would love to dive into a relationship with him right now. I really like this guy, and my intuition just tells me it is right. However I do not want to make the same mistakes I made in my last relationship, and this guy has made it clear that he needs to take it slowly. But what kind of time frame should I be looking at? How long can two people reasonably go on "dating" before it becomes a waste of time, and/or apparent that the man is seriously afraid of committment?

May 21, 2004
11:24 am
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CAMER
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from my past experiences, I have usually dated at least for the 1st 3 months of "dating" b4 it became exclusive, this is just me, so I would
wait until YOU feel comfy and want to take it to the next level, and find out if you man is maybe a lil "commitment" shy, take things slow and see what happens.

May 21, 2004
11:47 am
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annastar
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I would say- commitment should start when you became intimate with partner. Otherwise things can get very complicated.

May 21, 2004
3:00 pm
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I agree with annastar.

I think what makes intimacy beautiful is that there is that bond of commitment and mutual affection. But-this is why with one-night-stands or first date sex feelings get all confused. It's like your body and mind are tricked into thinking they are already in a relationship with this stranger...very hard on the emotions.

-ella

May 21, 2004
5:40 pm
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Anonymous
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When he says for you to tell him when you aren't satisfied with "only dating" and you can "discuss the situation", that hints of something fairly serious in my opinion. I mean, is he saying, "When you're ready to move in together, just let me know." or "When you're ready to get engaged or married just let me know."?

Is he the jealous type? Does he get frustrated when he doesn't know where you are? Have you neglected other relationships to spend time with him? I'm asking because if you have ever been in an abusive relationship in the past, he might be in tune with where you are emotionally. What, within you, makes you feel like this relationship is "right"?

I'm not trying to say you have to answer these questions on this post. I'm just asking you to think about things because it would be sad if this guy ended up being controlling and/or abusive to you once you take the big plunge. It can happen to anyone, really, even men. I just hope for your safety and happiness.

Ren'ai

May 21, 2004
7:30 pm
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Anonymous
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Rio,
You said that you have been dating exclusively for two months - meaning that both of you are committed to not seeing anyone else, right? If that is the case, what kind of a commitment are you looking for after two months? After 2 months you barely know someone. If your relationship started to approach the year mark and he was not discussing any future plans, then I might become alarmed. Just enjoy getting to know this man and spending time with him and let the future unfold itself.

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