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when is enough enough
February 27, 2003
8:46 am
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Anonymous
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I have been married for 6 years. Some of it good some of it bad. I have 2 beautiful children and a husband who is emotionally unavailable to me. I try to talk to him tell him how much the kids and I need more of his time but when that doesn't work I get controlling and jealous. If he is not spending time with us who is he spending it with? I am starting to feel like it is time to let go. I am truly afraid of what it will do to my children but honestly he's not around that much. When you tell someone what you want and they can't give it to you is it crazy to keep expecting they will change. He tells me he will try but he never really does and my fear of being alone keeps me paralyzed. When is it time to let go

February 27, 2003
12:14 pm
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Anonymous
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(((HUGS))) No one can tell you when that time is, trust me on this one. Only you will know when it is right and if that time comes, you will have the strength to do what you need to. Any sooner and it won't be right. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you cannot change someone else, you can only change yourself and how you choose to live each of your days. Good Luck to you.

February 27, 2003
12:36 pm
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Hi Still Smiling!

I totally understand your circumstance. Relationships can be very hard. I just left my husband on Sunday morning, just got off the phone with him, He wants me back. He loves me. Our decisions to take care of ourselves here require lots of introspection. I am here for you to talk it out.

February 28, 2003
6:48 pm
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Hey there still smiling~

There really is no easy answer other than you have to be happy and take care of yourself. Your children will be ok if you are ok.

I left my husband 3 years ago because he was emotionally unavailable to us. He was not ever around and when he was, his mind was still at work. I will tell you that my children have a much better relationship with their father now because he has to step up and be a dad every other weekend. Sure, it's not every day but the time they do spend together now is much better spent than when he would rush in and out of the house when we were together.

Kids are amazing and resilient and when you are not happy they see that.

My kids are amazing and the joy of my life. They are happy now because they know that I am and I know I made the right choice to walk away from their father. It was not healthy to teach them to stay in a loveless (for lack of a better word) relationship.

I hope it helps, it's never easy. We are here whenever you need to talk about it.

March 1, 2003
2:50 am
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Anonymous
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It's ALWAYS time to take care of your needs and look for what will satisfy those needs. If pursuing what will make you happy in your life entails leaving your husband, then the time is now.

Many women decide to not leave their husbands but look for the attention and caring in groups, friends, outside interests, etc. Others prefer to leave and start anew. That's a question of personal preferences.

Your husband won't change as a result of time and your asking him to. He only might change if he ever concluded, by his own realization, that this change is something he wants in his life. And even then, change takes a lot of courage, hard work on personal issues and discipline. One has to be highly self-motivated to make a personality change.

March 10, 2003
12:10 pm
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My life has been in a tailspin since I last wrote. Some good days and some bad days. I am no closer to reaching a decision but I have been taking care of myself a little better. More prayer and meditation and time with good friends. I don't know that my husband will ever change and it really hurts to realize that you do not come first with the person you married. He tells me he loves me and he doesn't want divorce but there have been no behavioral changes. His needs still come first. My son was having a really difficult time a few weeks ago and I had to explain to him that he is not the cause of what we are going through. That was one of the most painful conversations I have ever had.
Everytime I think it's time to leave, I chicken out. Fear of starting over just overwhelms me and I can't make the break. Please keep me in you prayers.

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