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When A Man Loves A Woman
February 21, 2006
2:09 pm
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BegginMeg
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Just wanted to say that I'm watching "When A Man Loves a Woman," for the first time. For anyone who hasn't seen it (I doubt there are many who haven't, it's a classic, or so I've been told) and I am touched but the similarities of the main characters lives and the lives of all of us who are struggling with codependency and/or addiction. It also speaks a lot for just what a person will do for the one they love when addiction has taken over their life. Anyway, just wanted to see if anyone knows of any similar themed movies that depict these struggles. Also just wanted to say I do believe that love will overcome. I guess that's just the hopeless romantic coming out in me. Meg

February 21, 2006
3:08 pm
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butterflybaby
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So does this mean then that you are going to continue to have contact with your bf? Or are you going to try and move on and focus on yourself?

How are you feeling today about the whole situation?

February 21, 2006
3:41 pm
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Cjazz
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Meg, check out Clean & Sober with Micheal Keeton. It's a good movie about an alcoholic.
I wish my girlfriend would have been in love with me enough to stick with me when I stopped drinking. She is going to miss the best part of me. I guess I pushed her to far away for her to recover and still love me. That's what happens when alcohol takes over your life, you push people away from you. Now I am sad beyond belief and I am trying to figure out all these feelings I have now since I've stopped drinking.
I do know the best part is yet to come for me so that keeps me going.
I also know I can not contact her because I am to weak and it would only make it worse for me.
I'm sorry to get off here about me so much. I watched the movie also last night and it brought a lot of tears and saddness to me.

February 21, 2006
3:50 pm
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BegginMeg
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Well butterfly, yes we will have contact. I forgot to mention this. I wrote up a contract stating that neither of us will call excessively, we will only see each other if a date has been made and I know for sure that he is sober ( if he is late or cancels or never shows up the next time he wants to see me it will not happen,) I will only go to his house to see our animals, and there were probably 5 or 6 other things on the list also. I haven't talked to him since Sunday. He called around 7 and wanted to come over and he ended up sleeping. He had yesterday off and told me we'd get together and I never heard from him. I'm feeling pretty good about everything. I'm just sooo bored. I can always feel him before he calls or comes by and I have the feeling he'll call soon. I'm not surprised he hasen't yet today because he was going to the bank and taking money out on a check they had been holding for 2 weeks. He's probably out binging on drugs. Oh well, when his money is gone he's the one who has to feel that sinking feeling and be all alone. thanks a lot for being concerned for me. How are things going for you lately? Anything new?

February 21, 2006
3:54 pm
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BegginMeg
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It's good to hear you're staying strong Cjazz. That's the #1 thing. (Or so I'm beginning to learn.) Thanks for the movie suggestion. How great for you to be able to realize your full potential! You seem so headstrong and I'm sure that only good things ly ahead for you if you stay on the path you're on. Good luck and keep in touch! It's great to have friends who care and take time to share their feelings. God Bless Meg

February 21, 2006
5:02 pm
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kathygy
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Beggin,

"love will overcome." sometimes but I don't think it makes any difference when you're dealing with an addict or otherwise dysfunctional man not capable of having a healthy relationship.

I think it is niave to believe this and yes merely a romantic thought.

Why are you still seeing this man who continually lets you down and is competely unreliable? Why go through all these negative feelings when you don't have too?

I just happen to see that movie on T.V. last night.

I love meg ryan.

February 21, 2006
5:52 pm
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BegginMeg
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I'm trying out a theory kathy. I've moved out, I'm not calling him or showing any interest in his life. I think that if I let him go, he'll do what he chooses (he does anyway) and be with bad people that only bring him down. Eventually he'll realize that he's ruined his life and let the best thing that ever happened to him walk away. He'll see I don't jump when he calls or wants to make plans. After a while of being alone emotionally and physically he'll decide this vicious cycle will continue until he's lost everyone in his life and he'll live a miserable existance. Maybe then he'll check himself into a rehab and start recovering. This is just a theory and I am sure he'll come around when all of these things have come to pass. It may sound smug of me and you may think I am dellusional. I have loved this man before I knew he existed. I dreamed of him and one day when I was so low I thought I'd never have anyone, we found each other. I know the man that he truely is in his heart and soul. I'm don't think I can ever give up on him. He's my best friend, he knows me better than I sometimes know myself and vice versa. There is so much chemistry between us and I don't think we could ever just walk away forever. I'm sure that God has a plan for both of us. Who knows, I could meet another man who'll sweep me off my feet. I've been through enough to know that nothing comes easy. Especially love. I would do anything to make our relationship work. That's why I've moved out. This is the first step to making things right if they ever can be. You may think I'm nieve but when you truly love someone you never give up on them, even if you have to make them believe that you have. Meg

February 22, 2006
4:44 am
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alycia
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Hey meg,

Just remember sometimes they dont come back, i dont want to kill or shatter your hopes but my babies dad left me after 4 yrs and left behind his beautiful daughter, i thought he would be back.

I loved him so much that i probably would have had him back too altho at times he has hurt me loads. Well 4 months later and a new woman he isnt coming back, he says he is seeing her for sex ... he is 40, maybe he is having a midlife crisis, i honestly have no idea.

Just be prepared for two outcomes cause sometimes the person u think is your soul mate actually isnt and it hurts like mad but i guess it means there is another prince out there despite how hard that may be to believe...

Take care and for the record i hope ur guy does sort himself out because some people are perfect for each other and others i guess arent.. best wishes meg

February 22, 2006
11:31 am
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kathygy
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Begginmeg,

I have trully loved more than one man in my life. I will and have walked away from the man no matter how much I loved him if he was not capable of having a healthy relationship.

How I am treated by the man is far more important to me than how much I love him. I have wasted my love far too often on someone who cannot and will not 'come around'. I'm not saying its easy but I value myself too much to do otherwise.

This man is an addict and totally unreliable. He is treating you very poorly to say he'll call and then not call. By accepting this treatment you are giving yourself the message that your feelings and needs are not important. Down goes the self-esteem.

It sounds like you are trying to manipulate an outcome based on a whole bunch of assumptions which may never happen.

I have been through this type of wishful thinking myself with some men and have never, ever had the desired outcome.

It doesn't matter how much of soulmates you are if he's not available for a healthy, committed relationship.

February 22, 2006
11:53 am
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heartbeat
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Cjazz
I'm curious to know why you wish your girlfriend would have stuck it out with you. I am married to an alcoholic who has been drinking again for the last four years. He was 10 years sober before this. I have stuck this out with him now for four years and wonder how long do you stick it out for another person. How long is long enough. He says he is not ready to change, and we all know what that means. I am also curious as to why you will not contact her. You say it will make things worse. Why? If you are doing better, how will it make it worse?

February 22, 2006
4:20 pm
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kathygy
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Cjazz,

what do you mean when you say you are too 'weak' to call her? Are you saying you lack the confidence?
Do you think she would reject you? Is that why you would feel worse?

Or do you have a gut feeling about her reaction?

I can understand your situation because why should she trust you not to start drinking again so soon after being sober.

Just trying to understand.

February 22, 2006
5:24 pm
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hopeful for change
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I loved that movie, however I cried alot of tears during it. It's so sad all the devastation of addicition. If only all the endings were good. Some have that wonderful outcome I am sure. I on the other hand never have had that experience.

February 22, 2006
6:21 pm
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lollipop3
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I have to admit....being the codep that I am.....I wanted to slap Meg Ryan in that movie.

February 22, 2006
9:29 pm
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taj64
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Hi. Beggin Meg, that is manipulation ploy I think.It comes across that way. You think that he will miss you more since you are away. You said you would do anything for love including moving out. You think if you go away he will get better especially for you. The problem is that you are doing this for him and not really you. You should be moving out to work on your self esteem and rebuilding your life. All the love in the world, soulmate, hopeless romantic in you isn't going to change the fact that he treats you horribly and is not available. You are putting him on a pedestal and it doesn't sound like you are being very realistic. The first step isn't make him see what he is missing. It is to make you see what you are missing. It is naive to think he will change. He won't and he won't do it for you. He will do it for himself.

February 23, 2006
7:49 am
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hopeful for change
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Ya know what else, in the movie, It pissed me off that she got clean and then wanted to be away from her h. It's been along time since I've seen it, but I remember being mad, after her husband stood by her side.

February 23, 2006
2:11 pm
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kathygy
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I felt very sorry for the husband in the movie because he was at a loss about how to help her and he was a very loving man. I felt better when he actaully went to an al-anon meeting and shared.

At the same time I could understand how the wife was acting the way she was. I would have been suprised if it had been a piece of cake for her to come home.

I was so happy that they got back together.

February 23, 2006
2:13 pm
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Shaney
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I want Andy Garcia

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