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WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY DAUGHTER?!
April 9, 2007
9:57 am
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santino
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My ex wife of a year and a half is in a relationship. I'm happy for her and all, he seems like a nice guy, he has 3 kids of his own. This is a new relationship so they and the kids are doing all sorts of things, going to the beach, Disneyland etc. etc.

The troubleing part, my daughter is acting very strangely. All of a sudden, she doesn't want to hang out with me anymore... When I call her to talk to her she sounds bumbed out to hear from me. She use to love to go to baseball games, so I bought us some tickets and called her expecting her to be extatic, she said she didn't want to go. Okay..... and yesterday when I went to pick her up to spend Easter with her she started crying and went into her room, I was so hurt I left...

I don't know whats going on with my daughter, all of a sudden I'm not so fun to be around... What's wrong with her? All she wants to do know is hang out with my ex wife and her new guy. I didn't sleep at all last night, my feelings...crushed. πŸ™

April 9, 2007
10:37 am
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bevdee
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Hey Santino

I know how torn I felt when my mom remarried. Sometimes I felt guilty and disloyal to my daddy for having fun with my mom and stepdad. My daddy never demanded this loyalty- he wanted us to get along with everyone, but I felt torn nonetheless. Maybe your daughter is going through something like this and it might not hurt to try and talk to her about it.

April 9, 2007
10:40 am
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taj64
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Hi. Id say it is the newness of everything and really has nothing to do with you. Cheer up as girls sometimes change with the wind. My niece does this with her father. Lately her attention is not on her father and she seems to not want to spend time with him. I also went through this my own daughter as gradually she did not want to hang with dad. Expect this to be a phase of some sorts, at least this is what I think. Everything is fun and exciting and new and of course as time goes by this will all die down and her attention will be back on you in no time. Nothing is wrong with her and nothing is wrong with you and this is all a matter of timing and change.

April 11, 2007
8:41 am
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taj64
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I thought I would bump this up. How is your daughter? Keeping busy must keep your mind off this. I hope you know your daughter loves you, just that phases come along and they usually pass.

April 11, 2007
1:26 pm
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santino
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Hi Taj, I know she loves me I just don't understand. I try to spend time with her and my son, but she just doesn't want to be with me right now. My son loves to be with me. Yesterday mornig we went to the park, we threw rocks in the park lake. We had a good time. I just wish my daughter was there.

April 11, 2007
2:48 pm
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nappy
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Welcome Santino to the joy of being a parent. I'm sure we all have went through that stage of life when our kids don't want to have anything to do with us but that will past. Don't give up inviting her to whatever things that you have plan. She will go when she feel ready but until then, enjoy your son and let your daughter know that you still love her.
Maybe write her a letter to say that you will always be there for her no matter what and that daddy still love you. She will come around and she still loves her daddy.
Nappy!

April 11, 2007
4:56 pm
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santino
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Thanks Nappy, I have my kids Tomorrow, hopefully she'll wanna go, I have something nice planned for us. πŸ™‚

April 11, 2007
5:24 pm
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on my way
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Please don't take what I am about to say personally, just trying to understand why your daughter may be feeling and acting this way.

It could possibly be that when she is with the new guy and her mom, it may give her a sense of family that she misses, and it may help her 'forget' for awhile that her family has broken up. She may be having a very hard time with this. When you show up, it may remind her of what she may not want to be reminded of, that her previous family is not together anymore. It is most likely NOT you santino, but maybe it all reminds her. In her mind it may be easier to shove it all down and be in denial about it all, which could be what the 'new' unit for her is doing.

Maybe for her sake, talk to her and ask questions, and find out what she is thinking.

I hope all works out in time, it sounds hard, I know my heart would break too if I were you.

April 12, 2007
3:54 am
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santino
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on my way: I Never thought of that! OMG! That has to be it! My daughter always talks about my ex and I being together, she calls it "the good old days" it breaks my heart. I hope she's happy to see me tomorrow.

April 12, 2007
6:46 am
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sandpipper
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My daughter who is now 19 went through a phase like that too. It is terribly difficult for the children when the parents get divorced and the a new person enters the picture. My daughter shared that she struggled with feelings of being disloyal. When she was having fun with me, she felt disloyal to her Dad and likewise. She always felt torn like she had to make a choice. She didn't, but she felt like she did. So sometimes she would be close to me and ignore her Dad and then flipflop. Another thing I found out is that secretly children hope that their parents will get back together. They do long for that sense of family.

Please be patient with her and remember that she does love you and this will pass.

April 12, 2007
2:31 pm
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on my way
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Yes it does hurt them. My oldest son who is 25 has expressed hurt for me 'breaking up our family'. I left for survival purposes, as my marriage was literally killing me. I don't think he remembers that part, but he used to blame me. Rather than explain to him or tell him, 'it wasn't all me'...I ended up telling him I was sorry and asked him to forgive me. I felt I should do that, now that he is older, and I know he still hurts from it. My middle son, swears that we are still married...in a spiritual sense and thinks we should get back together, and my youngest who is 19 wants to know when I am going to start dating and get on with my life in that sense! So they all took it differently, but my youngest was of course the youngest of the three when I divorced.

I guess the best thing to do is to focus on our children, acknowledge their hurt, don't be afraid to talk about it, ask questions, and encourage them to talk if they need too. Other than this I don't know what else to say. Santino, let us know how it goes, ok?

April 12, 2007
10:20 pm
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santino
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my daughter is with me and all is well πŸ™‚ thanks everyone! πŸ™‚

April 12, 2007
11:27 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Very glad to hear it. Enjoy her while the two of you have your time together.

April 13, 2007
1:09 am
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santino
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Thanks Mama, I am, we are!! πŸ™‚

April 13, 2007
2:44 pm
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on my way
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santino, that is awesome! so very glad to hear that good news!!

April 13, 2007
6:30 pm
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hopeful for change
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I don't know how old she is. But mine is 14 and she acts like she doesn't want to hang out with her dad. But then she gets upset when he doesn't call or show up. She figures if he loves her he would never quit trying.

I was just reading a book by Sidney poidier

He said, the measure of man is how he provides for his children.

He also said when he and his wife split, he went and got his girls, even if they didnt' want to go. This showed them, that he is a full part of their lives and does love them.

That probably didn't sound right, but if you could read the book. It was wonderful.

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