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whats wrong with me?
July 21, 2000
12:09 am
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confused34
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I need help I don't know what is worng maybe you could help me? I used to feel alive like I matterd. My life is great I have a butiful little girl a great boyfreind a desent job and I will be starting collage soon. But I feel so sad all the time like the only one who needs me is my baby girl and somtimes I wonder if she even needs me I also feel scared but I don't know what of. I feel like I have somthing to prove to everyone and I can't do it but if I don't everyone will just think I am worthless. I just feel ashamed scared and confused. Like everything is hopless. Any ideas on how to make everything better? If so please help!!

July 21, 2000
9:03 am
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Ash
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You've taken a great leap in just recognizing something is wrong. I would like to offer some help. Would you feel comfortable telling me a little more? Such as, when did you start feeling this way?

In one respect, you say your life is great (beautiful daughter, great boyfield, decent job) and then you say you're so sad, scared, ashamed and confused. Something or someone must have caused such feelings to develop within you. Find the courage to tell me more so I can try to help.

July 21, 2000
7:11 pm
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heartfelt
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Confused34.sounds as if maybe your burning the candle at both ends. You have a great deal going on, but you have nothing to prove to anyone..maybe that's why, in part you feel as you do. Take care of you and yours, as they will you...don;t worry about the rest, pace yourself, breath, make time for you, as brief as it may seem, but it's important. Your daughter needs you alright, to allow her to feel your loving nurture so she may grow to be herself, not who someone else believes she should be. Scared? Of what.....feel thefear AND DO IT ANYWAY, with just this practice , being scared will be put in it's place allowing you to grow assertively...

July 22, 2000
11:34 pm
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confused34
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It started about 3 months ago. I think. It seems like I have felt like this forever. I tried talking to my boyfreind about everything and he tells me "I m just having a bad day. It will
be better tomrrow." I have said what I think is the problem a
hundred times over but yet I have a hard time trying to write it down so forgive me if it don't sound right. I dropped out of
school when I was in tenth grade. I tried alternitive school but after I got pregnet I got kicked out for missing to much.
then I did not do anything but work and sleep till after she was born. I got my GED this year but it was still not good enough for my parents and the rest of my famialy. I just don't want them to think I am worthless or a bad mom. I do
the best I can. I am sorry for all the mistakes I made. Trust me their was alot of them, but I can't take them back now. Everyday I want to tell them how I feel but I can't cause I am so scared that they will say that it's all in my imagataion. That is their answer for everthing! So so ash I hope this is enough for u to help me cuz any deeper i don't think I could haddle right now. I really hope u can help. thanks

July 23, 2000
7:06 am
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hazza
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confused,
Peace to you - I think maybe what youa re needing is closure to move forward.

You must realise that the forgiveness you need to move forward must be from YOU.

Forgive yourself. you are young and still learning, but you have made the changes and look how well you have done. you should be proud girl!

now why not write it all down? if you like write your family and tell them that you ahve made your mistakes but that is the past and you have learned great lessons but you are now moving onto being a new you. If they want to judge you then let them, you know that you have made great progress, be proud of that. You do not need to even mail the letter to them, just to realise that it is NOT vital to have other peoples forgiveness - only your own,
judge yourself by how YOU feel, not others.

Allow yourself to forgive yourself.

If you have recently given birth all sorts of issues come up. it is a magical thing that makes you revalue everything you believe in - a new perspective, a chance for new thoughts and feelings.
you may even have post natal depression too, maybe go see your doctor?

But please re read your post, looka t all you achieved, you have got the good life because YOU worked hard for it and changed your life around, dont fear that it means nothing just because other people cannot see what you ahve done and how you have changed, the past is the past, you knwo who you are now so be proud of yourself and let go of your mistakes, you have more than made up for them.

time now to look to the future
peace
Haz

July 24, 2000
9:03 am
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Ash
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Sorry for not responding sooner. I've been terrible occupied. I've got a few things to say in response to my request. First, you're a strong woman. Men can be (and are at times) somewhat sensitive to what women's needs are. They think they know but really they don't. We're very complex in our thinking. Your boyfriend may be aware of your feelings because you've expressed them to him, but he may not know exactly how to help you through this. You should concentrate on pleasing yourself first, be proud of your accomplishments. As for family, we've all got problems. Family can be more judgemental towards the decisions we make in life - I think that's they're way of being supportive. That doesn't mean they think or love us any less. As for mistakes, we all make them. Mistakes are a mechanism for learning and that's it! Trust me, you're not expected to take them back. Let me reassure you you're feelings are real, express them out loud, don't hide behind them. Perhaps your family is just not truly aware of the extent of what you feel. Family should be your first resource for support and healing. Trust me on this one, and I wish you all the best.

Keep you chin up high!

July 25, 2000
1:57 am
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confused34
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hello all thank you for all your help and words of wisdom. It ment a great deal to me. You guys took time out of your day to make me feel like someone really cared. My time has come to face my fears and all my problems right in the face and stop being scared. I had along talk with my boyfreind and he told me he was sorry that he was'nt their and he was going to help with every step back to freedom I call it. My next step will be with my parents. I need for them to know that I truly am sorry and that I do love them I have been so ashamed that I have avoided having to really talk to them for more than 2 min. Once again thanks. I'll be in to visit sometime. I will also let everyone know how things are going. still a little confused34

July 27, 2000
10:16 am
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Jasmine
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confused34: i'm so touched to see what you achieved.

To SC: you act real fast!

August 12, 2000
2:13 am
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jacque
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I know how you feel, but i first had to accept the fact that all things happen for a reason . i don't know what God has instore for me. I just trust him and know he loves me. I put my life in his hands and i just go on doing the thing i know he want me to do. God is good all thetime, and all the time God is good

Jacque

August 13, 2000
8:41 pm
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peck
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I think you should work on your self-worth. what really matters is how you feel about yourself. stop trying to figure out how people feel about you. that really doesn't matter in the end. people will think, feel and want whatever inspite of how you feel about yourself. I had the same problem when I was in my early twenties. looking back, my selfworth is what made the difference in the quality of my life. When I began to understand that I am worth more than the things I do, more than the mistakes I made, more than what others could possibly feel, think, or want, is when I began to understand myself for who and what "I" am. I took a while to feel comfortable and balance the ego end of it, but I gained such a self confidence and a sense of inner peace that made the growing pains worth it. hang in there and let heart guide you, even when you doubt yourself. Remember, that doubt is the refining process that polishes you of in every situation. If you didn't question yourself, you would not have the chance ro confirm your decisions or your feelings. good luck.

August 14, 2000
5:13 am
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Iris
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What do YOU really want from life?(other than what you have already achieved). Sit with yourself and answer this question. What do you want, not what others (parents, relatives, friends etc) want you to be.Be honest with yourself. May be you don't want any more right now. You know the answer. Then accordingly, try to reach YOUR goals.
You might be able to achieve some, and to modify some, and to cancel some.But be sure that the goals are YOURS.

Good Luck.

August 29, 2000
10:05 pm
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Peacock
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To Confused34:

If it means anything to you I can assure you that I can understand what you are going thru. Sometimes it helps to know that you are not alone in the world without anyone else going thru the same feelings. I can relate to you because my life is good, but because of past events, I seem unable to get past the emotional pain and be happy. Right now I am in a support group that deals with these issues and it has helped me so far to get it off of my chest and try to handle it one day at a time. Try to find your identity amiss all of your busy activities and take time out for yourself. What one thing would give you enjoyment for 15 minutes a day? Try it out and see if it works. Reach out for support and if you don't find it with family and friends I would suggest looking into group counseling. I hope I have encouraged you today. God Bless You.

August 31, 2000
5:07 pm
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b23rd
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Confused 34---
I think that you are suffering from some kind of depression.
You need to partake in thought-stopping.
You need to wrconsciously be aware of the thoughts that are going through your head and then tell yourself to stop and then think something positie either about yourself, your beautifuk baby, your loving boyfriend, your success as a parent, your hair, anything.
You can eitehr write a list down of your positive qualities and maybe short term goals that you wish to achieve in order to reach the long term goas.
Maybe treat yourself to free time with friends or with family besides who you live with maybe to get away from it all.
I know these things seem cheesey sometimes, but there is a reason why they are out there, they can help you to feel better and not keep you down in a rut.
I hope that you hin up---you have one life to live and once again I share my life philosophy---live it to the FULLEST!!!
You should wake with a new air and fall asleep feeling good about your day cause you are alive and loved!
YOU never know whta you have 'til it is gone and you never know when you could could go---live life and learn to love it.
Good Luck!

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