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What's up with the silent treatment?
July 25, 2005
2:30 pm
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Anonymous
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I have a new problem that is bothering me. I would appreciate your thoughts/ insights. In the past, you all have been very helpful.

I have a dear friend who is very angry with me. We argued over the phone and I called him a few names and then hung up on him. ALmost immediately, I felt so bad that I lost control like that. I wrote him an apology note and then called him the next day and apologized. He has caller ID and did not answer his phone nor did he return my phone call. I feel that his silent treatment is meant to punish me and control me (for future temper outbursts). His behavior is hurting me and I know that is his plan. I will not call him again and appear pathetic. The ball is now in his court (which is where is likes it to be). My question is: what's up with this silent treatment? and what do you suggest (if anything) I do about it? As I said before, my instinct is just let him contact me when he is ready. If he never does, then the friendship didn't mean as much to him as it did to me. Anyway, that is my opinion. WHat is yours?

July 25, 2005
2:36 pm
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kc30
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It's hard to say what the motivation behind his behaviour is. It could be punishing, or he could be very hurt and angry, and need time to work through his feelings before talking to you.

In either event, you have offered your apology in sincerity. It's up to him whether he wishes to accept it. Personally, I would let it go and get on with my life and not wait around for the call.

There is nothing more you can do. Continuing to call him to me would be controlling...wanting him to accept your apology on your timeline.

These things happen between friends. Usually, after the hurt feelings have subsided, things work out.

Take care
kc

July 25, 2005
2:41 pm
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Rasputin
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Hi Yankeefan,

I agree! Give him sometime to cool down. After that he might contact you if he is a true friend and appreciates your friendship. If he does not contact you - I don't know what to call that - but I would question his friendship to you.

Friends do hurt each other. Perhaps in your case you lost self-control over your words. Too bad, but I am sure you did not mean it.

Best of luck, honey, I will keep you in my prayers!

(((Hugs)))

July 25, 2005
2:50 pm
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kathygy
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I don't think there's anything left to do. Your friend may need some more time to recover. Its out of your hands now. He may be acting prideful but you don't really know what is going on with him. I suggest that you don't try to figure it out. If you assume he's trying to punish you then you may resent that but maybe that's not what's going on. At any rate you're going to find out how healthy your friend and friendship is.

love,
kathy

July 25, 2005
4:34 pm
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Anonymous
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Once again, you all have offered some valuable insights. I automatically came to the conclusion that he was punishing me. (which maybe he is) But now I see other reasons why he may be behaving this way. I agree with the comment that there is nothing I could do at this point. I will let this one play out and I will let you all know what happens. But right now I am feeling so sad and so hurt and so angry at myself. How could I have hurt such a special person in my life? Kathygy, you are right (once again), that I will find out how healthy our friendship is.

Personal note to Kathygy - I read your thread regarding your dilemma with the sale of your house. I remember that you were quite upset about that. How is everything going with that? I responded to your thread- but you know how these threads go - they tend to disappear after a few days. At any rate, I hope that things are a bit better and that you have resolved some of the issues that were involved.

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