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whats up with me
March 23, 2009
6:30 am
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bulbs1
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September 24, 2010
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i am in a great relationship with a great guy. he does everything for me. is really caring and considerate but im still not happy. i dont trust him and think he will break up with me whenever we have a fight. the worse thing is that i tell him this.

there is a history between us. we kissed before and he said he cant be with me. then we ended up getting back together and that was perfect for 3.5 months and then he broke up with me again. i dont really count the first time as it was only a couple of kisses but the second time was proper dating and i was very happy until he hurt me so out of the blue.

we were in contact after that but i kept saying no, to stop the contact. and i went off on holidays for 3 weeks. when i came back he wanted to meet up which i kept saying no to. eventually he wrote me a letter explaining everything i.e why he broke up with me and how he tried to get back again. so i have given him one more try, and he knows this is it, make or break which i know puts immense pressure on the relationship. now tho even tho he is doing nothing wrong im waiting and i know il create the breakup cos im expecting it. if it was me i wouldnt be able to handle the pressure ( if i was him) but he seems to be but im just waiting. and i know it will break my heart cos this guy is the guy for me but i cant get past the mis trust and hurt he caused me before.
i know it will take time but im wondering when should it be fine. ive started counselling again. i had got over a lot of father issues (telling me he would chose his new wife over his own daughter), i had got over all that and then this guy dumped and it just rushed back all those insecure feelings again. and i know the counselling again now will help but i think im pushing my luck with this guy. i want to know what hes thinking about the whole situation but im afraid to bring it up again.

March 23, 2009
6:48 am
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sexychoclady
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Bulbs is this guy married? I feel mutural trust and respect is a must, and good foundation for a relationship. Sounds like being back in therapy is a good idea. I feel if you need answers in your relationship you should communicate this to your guy. I feel no one can tell you what he is thinking but him.....Wish you well.

March 23, 2009
7:26 am
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bulbs1
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hey thanks no he isnt married thank god. ive known him for nearly 2 yrs now. we work together too but in different departments. i never see him at work tho.

i know i need to talk to him about stuff but i think he will just be like ooh my god not again...hence the talking to counseller. i know he loves me. he does all these little things for me, u know considerate things and then says that he does all this for me and i still dont believe he loves me. it just wrecks my head that i cant trust him. i feel when he isnt with me hes a different person who doesnt like me. and shur thats crazy talk.

March 23, 2009
7:39 am
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CAMER
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just from reading the first few paragraphs, this guy doesn't seem avail for a relationship. And i think you too may not be ready either.

Relationships should be happy, not making and breaking up often.

I'd work on yourself, get healthy, then seek out a relationship.

It seems like there is too much "trying" in this relationship and it should not be like that.

((camer))

March 23, 2009
7:51 am
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sexychoclady
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Hey bulbs i agree with Camer. It seems like you may have to sort things out on your side of the street....Always wish you well and thanks for keeping it real because i am lonely know and want my soulmate to come into my life. The thing is when he does come along i am posting. So i won't messed things up. Because i am soo used to being in a toxic relationship.

March 23, 2009
8:03 am
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bulbs1
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i think the trying is on my end. he doesnt know any of this. but i have started the counselling now so hopefully that will help. i know what ye are saying tho. he knows im going through this too and says he will hang on while im going through this. so we will see. its very easy when im with him just when im not. i.e. now i get freaked

March 24, 2009
11:17 am
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StronginHim77
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Just my own take on this, but I would have great difficulty trusting a man who had dumped me with no legitimate reason or warning, after 3 months of dating. What has changed, to make you take him back and trust him with your feelings again? It is nearly impossible to be open and vulnerable with someone who has wounded and betrayed your trust like that.

It also sounds like you are "repeating" with this guy the dynamics of your own father's abandonment. I am glad you are in counseling to address these issues. You need some healing of the heart and counseling will help a great deal.

- Ma Strong

March 26, 2009
12:52 am
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fantas
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He may not be married, but he is attached elsewhere. How much of his life do you know? Anyway, you need to raise the bar on this one. After what he has done previously, you shouldn't trust him. The past is usually a good indicator of the future, unless some effort is put forth. Kick this one to the curb. You say he is a great guy, I think he is a playa 🙂

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