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what's one thing you did today that made yourself feel loved
January 25, 2006
3:29 pm
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kathygy
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Actually, I did this last night.

For breakfast I measure and mix about four ingredients together and then add orange juice and blueberries.

I hate having to do this in the morning when I am hungary.

When I saw the bowl this morning on the kitchen counter with all the ingredients already mixed together I could feel my love for myself.

January 25, 2006
3:31 pm
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whidbey
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I've really been into herbal teas the past few months. It started with Tension Tamer (for the obvious reasons), then has seemed to blossom from that, with me trying different flavors, etc. Right now, I'm drinking one that only comes out on holidays. It has cinnamon and other spices, but no caffeine. It kind of "jazzes" me up for the afternoon's work without the caffeine buzz. Oh, and scented candles. I've been burning those lately. 🙂

January 25, 2006
7:56 pm
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hopeful for change
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Bubblebath by candle light. Love it.

January 25, 2006
8:11 pm
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exoticflower
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I let go of some things I couldn't change, but not in defete but because I wanted to allow myself to not be burdened by frustration, as a gift to myself sort of. I listened to myself and what I needed to let go of, and then followed through in meeting that need. I felt very loving and like I was really being a good caretaker to myself.

Great thread, thanks!

January 25, 2006
9:48 pm
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guest_guest
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aw thats so cute. I cant remember anything I did, I wish I could

January 25, 2006
9:54 pm
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sdesigns
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I know this will sound weird but I cleaned house. I rarely get time or even want to clean but today an appt cancelled and so I took the opportunity to clean. Last year I did some redecorating and bought some new furniture and so I really like my place now. And I really like it when it is clean! It feels so much better to come home to a clean house.

January 25, 2006
10:04 pm
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Anonymous
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I stood up for myself and if felt G-R-E-A-T!!!

January 26, 2006
1:26 pm
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LovingR
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I ate a meal. I've not been so good at that lately.

January 26, 2006
1:32 pm
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dalpuz
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walked, fed, and kissed the hell out of my dog this morning. He's always bin there watchin all my shit ...good or bad....and always stayed by my side.....oh...excuse me, I think i'm going to go give em another kiss...hug...ewwwwww and a breath mind...."puzzle, you got stinky breath buddy".

January 26, 2006
1:46 pm
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kathygy
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I was sure to dress myself up warmly this morning with gloves on because the last two days I have walked out of the house with my hands freezing and the rest of me cold because I would tell myself its just a short walk to the car.

But I decided that I don't want my inner child to feel cold for one second.

I felt like a loved child whose mother cared about her comfort and dressed her up warmly and sent her on her way with love.

January 26, 2006
1:50 pm
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kathygy
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come on guest, certainly there's something loving you did for yourself. Think about it. If you can't think of something then do something now that shows you care about you.

January 26, 2006
1:56 pm
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addicts wife
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I took the time to shave my legs, put my face on, "do " my hairand wear a "nice outfit" and feel comfortble in a skirt for the first time in a lonnnnggg time.
I also made myself an exercise chart to help me keep motivated, and keep track of little things Im doing to help me lose the weight I need to.

January 26, 2006
2:01 pm
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Rasputin
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I've had a warm cocoa and it felt like a real HUG!!!

January 26, 2006
2:05 pm
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ianandris
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I laid down in the shower, skipped class, thought about how I'd be my friend if there were no other people in the world. If I was someone else, I'd hang out with me.

January 26, 2006
5:38 pm
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lewis
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ate 3 bags of crisps 🙂

January 26, 2006
11:29 pm
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skoopdoctaj
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I organized (well, I got a very good dstart on it) my room 😛

January 27, 2006
5:58 am
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gazelle
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Nothing. As usual.

Kathy, your posts made me cry! Is that good? I think so. It seems to almost unlock something ...

January 27, 2006
10:15 am
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D dog
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I went on eBay and bid on a titanium ring with a tension-set ruby (my birthstone). It was only $25!

I won it!

Oh, and I changed the wallpaper on my computer screen to Ricky Martin.

:o)

January 27, 2006
11:59 am
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kathygy
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I've taken on the approach of treating myself like a princess.

this morning while I was exercising my feet felt cold but I was almost through. The old me would've made me finish the exercise before putting on my slippers but now I interrupted my exercises right then and there and put on my slippers and then finished with my exercise.

I am very intouch with my physical comfort and making sure i don't suffer for one second.

Also, when I started exercising I laid down on the floor but the floor covering felt itchy and rough. Again the old me would have made me finish the exercise before doing anything about it.

Now the second I felt itchy I stopped exercising and laid out a nice soft and fluffy pink (my favorite color) towel on the floor and then continued my exercises.

I have been doing these kinds of things and it makes me feel very valued and that my feelings are very important to me. I feel better about myself and feel more fulfilled when I do these things.

gazelle,

well it definately says something if my post made you cry. Is this feeling something you were not getting from your mother?

January 27, 2006
12:25 pm
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gazelle
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Yes, spot on, Kathy. I'm all choked up again now. I never felt "mothered" by her, only sparsely fed, poorly clothed & told to work hard & do well at school. No social life, no communication skills (except in essay-writing) mattered at home. So passing exams & being 'clever' & educated became my ONLY way to avoid criticism / get some validation & self-worth.

Even though nothing I did was ever good enough. I can't remember one word of praise, ever, from Mum. Even now, in old age, she only sees me 1ce or 2ce a year & never rings. If I ring her, she sounds v surprised & irritated, & soon wants to go back to her books or TV. She lives alone & has no friends. She's v self-sufficient.

My emotions always annoyed her - her reaction was always sarcasm / cynicism & to quickly squash me or belittle me. She thinks having close relationships or trying to understand oneself or other people is "a ridiculous, self-indulgent waste of time." People are "more trouble than they are worth" & she didn't like me having a second child.

I've only recently discovered my "inner script" that constantly keeps me having to prove myself, with everyone in all circumstances, as intelligent & educated first & foremost. Then once those are acknowledged, I can relax more & work towards sharing banter, humour, mutual emotional understanding etc. How sick is that?!!!

Many women are brought up to base their self-worth on being pretty, attractive, charming, sexy, people-pleasing, care-taking etc - which must be horrible. But mine is just as bad! Why should being analytical, well-informed and rational & articulate at all times be my Be-All_&_End-All? Was it my only way to gain approval (or at least lack of Mum's constant disapproval) as a child?

There! Guess what? I've just made my first deep confession on here! It feels such a relief! Please go easy on me. I'm not at all big-headed - just as emotionally immature & screwed-up as I was mentally precocious. It is horrid. It alienates people. And although I find intelligence extremely attractive in others, it can NEVER replace warmth, empathy, or open-hearted responsiveness.

Hey, Kathy! Your question nudged me to post this; and in doing so, I guess I HAVE done something today to make myself feel loved. Or at least in desperate need of love. And acknowledging that is a start.

Warm blessings to my great inspirers all! - gazelle.

Sorry, I should have started my own thread, but too shy & embarrassed. My feelings have never 'counted' or been remotely acceptable or valid.

So slipping in posts like this when anyone (rarely) asks me anything personal is the best I dare risk trying.

January 27, 2006
12:50 pm
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kathygy
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gazelle,

I think it is fine that you posted here. It's very important to tell your story on your path to recovery.
I'm glad you opened up and shared what it was like for you growing up.

I am sooo sorry for the horrible treatment, abuse and negliect you got from your mother. You deserved to have a mother who loved and valued you as the awesome person you are.

There are some great affirmations for the inner child in John Bradshaw's book, "Homecoming: championing and claiming the inner child".

such as 'welcome to the world, I have been waiting for you'

'I want to take care of you and I am prepared to do that'

'God smiled when you were born'

and much more.

I say these affirmations to my inner child by looking in the mirror into my own eyes. My inner child loves this and it leaves me feeling nutured.

Obviously, your mother was very wounded in her own childhood and that played out in her lack of mothering you.

Another step towards loving yourself is to never put yourself down or call yourself names when what you really need is your own love and compassion for the wounded child in you.

You can practice doing that today.

love,
kathy

January 27, 2006
1:10 pm
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Anonymous
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I organized everything needed for my morning, on last night.

I truly hate my morning routine. It's a breathless, room from room, loose end tucking, race against the clock. Partly because I'm a chronic procrastinator who favors escape and puts responsibiliy on the back burner.

Lastnight, As I got that overwhelming feeling of having too much to, I tried replacing the phrase "tomorrow's responsibilites" with the phrse "tomorrow's acts of self-love."

When I woke up and saw everything clearly laid out for me and easily accessible, it felt really good! It felt like, someone who wanted the best for me make everything nice and comfortable...I was really touched because it definately felt like love!

"I have been doing these kinds of things and it makes me feel very valued and that my feelings are very important to me. I feel better about myself and feel more fulfilled when I do these things."

Who knew?

Thanks for sharing this Kathy!

January 27, 2006
7:08 pm
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hopeful for change
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I have been reading a book on Boundaries. Which is helping me to love myself and taking the time for me.

January 27, 2006
8:34 pm
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hbdude2k
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I went to the gym at 3:30 this morning, got out at 4:30, went to work and was alive and full of energy all day, then came home and took 1 hr nap to replenish and now full of energy again. Feeling the best in every way right now....

January 27, 2006
9:20 pm
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shelbeegirl
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I painted my fingernails and toenails and stayed at home alone all day. I gave my new puppy a bath and a lot of love. I talked with a new friend on the phone about my inner self for 45 minutes. She was very positive and this is new for me since breaking up with the N.

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