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what to suggest
February 11, 2010
7:13 pm
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dawning
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hi, I am new here. I am an abuse survivor but just received a call from someone close that wants to report abuse. This person is 30 and happened when they were 16 or 17. This person has had a very tough time, bipolar, personality disorder, drug abuse, cann't hold down a job. I don't know what to say or suggest because I never reported my own abuse and then when I confronted my abuser was told that if I called the police that they would kill themself. I am afraid that this 30 yr old will not be taken seriously because of their background. Can anyone help me with some words of wisdom?

February 11, 2010
10:44 pm
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atalose
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dawning,

Welcome, why not start by suggesting that this person talk to a counselor first before the police. And if they have already done that why not offer to go with them as support. You can always offer them a good ear to listen even if you don’t have the words you wish you did often it’s more about the listening then the saying.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

February 12, 2010
7:15 am
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dawning
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atalose,
Thank you for the suggestion. The reason that I am concerned is because this person had already approached the perpitrator and asked for money for counceling and that person said no. I am afraid they are in it for the money.

February 12, 2010
7:47 am
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chelonia mydas
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(((Dawning)))

Welcome to AAC. Glad you are here.

Look into places of support for abuse survivors. There are organizations that will provide counseling and advice to victims decades after the abuse. Research your local resources until you find something that will help you. A good place to start is a women's shelter, domestic violence hotline, social service center, police station, doctor or even local religious places of worship. At this point, just ask what resources are out there for somone who has been a victim of abuse.

Keep in mind that your friend has to have momentum of her own at some point in this process. It is not your responsibility to fix her, the only person on the planet who can do that is her. As a friend, you can support her on her journey and help light the way, but she has to be the one to walk the path.

February 12, 2010
8:12 am
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atalose
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dawning,

If your intuition is telling you that this person is only in it for the money and not serious about seeking the proper counseling help, then believe your inner voice (intuition) because your probably right.

Given this persons past history, drug abuse, bipolar, personality disorder and inability to hold down a job the likelihood of their recovery from this is slim. A lot of factors need to come together, like, are they on medication for the bipolar and personality disorders? Are they working some kind of a recovery program from the drug abuse? It’s kind of like building a house, without a strong foundation no matter what you attempt to build is never going to hold.

I am sorry your friend is suffering from all of those factors, that has to be extremely hard for you to witness as a caring friend. Do you feel that their disclosure to you regarding the abuse has stirred some unresolved emotions in you regarding your own abuse? How are you doing with that, have you thought about seeking some counseling for yourself?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

February 12, 2010
6:05 pm
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dawning
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Hi atalose,
I have delt a lot with my own abuse. Have been to counceling and then decided that I just didn't want to deal with it anymore and put it in the past. There is so much. and I would have to write a book to tell you everything. But the jist of it is that the person is in their late 70's and when I tried once before to confront, I was told don't call the cops because I will kill myself. I have to go for now but will write more later.

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