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What to do when your whole family is co dependent?
August 29, 2006
3:56 pm
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2angelsinmo
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My whole family is co dependent and it's so hard to break the cycle. I know I want to though, just what's my first step? And how do I take their heat for wanting to change?

August 29, 2006
9:39 pm
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Robert123
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2angels, attending meetings is a step towards healing. you might have to put your blinders on and cover your ears to protect you from the backlash, but in time they may lighten up. who knows, you might even get one of them to join you, but for now, doing this for you is a big step.

August 30, 2006
10:44 am
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CAMER
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focus on YOU for now, and help yourself, let your family do for themselves what they need to do, by going to meetings, that is a great place to start...try logging onto
http://WWW.CODA.ORG for local meeting places all across the country.

August 30, 2006
5:58 pm
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Rasputin
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2angel -

I grew up in very codep family and it was painful. I felt so lonely even tho I have many siblings. I was most of the time on my own, studying by myself, doing whatever I wanna do on my own.

Honestly, it all boils down to your sense of integrity and honesty. Codep people are people pleasers, they like flattery and buttering others up. If you are an honest person like me, I would highly recommend you to persist and perseverse. Many people may not like you, you may not be very popular person at work, school or college. But who cares. Principles and values are much better than people approval.

Keep going and persevering. You are not alone & I'm so proud of you honey!

Blessings, Ras~

September 2, 2006
9:19 am
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2angelsinmo
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Thanks, Ras
You are a nice lady that I could probably learn alot from. I have taken baby steps the past several months and I am proud but I usually end up feeling guilt. It could be over the simplest thing. I'm always talking to myself about that, it bothers me soooo much and makes me even more scared to break free. I do read alot of self help books and like the lady Rhonda Brittan off of the show Starting Over. I try and follow her steps in the books but again I start to feel guilty. Is there anything else that I can do to get over the guilty feelings that I have? I'm not even sure where it comes from? Thanks again. Let's talk more!!!

September 2, 2006
10:06 am
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Rasputin
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Change is not easy 2Angel. If fact it is painful. May be I can't feel it, coz I became independent ever since I was a kid. I remember I used to cry a lot.

Right now, I am reading a good book entitled "Transformation" by Steve Arterburn. It is a book that will take you step-by-step to become more whole and complete & cleanse your soul & spirit from all the debris of the past.

Also, I would recommend you to attend "Coda meetings" or 12 steps meetings & to purchase Melody Beattie's book "Codependent No more." The more you educate yourself about this subject, the better equipped you are to heal.

Coming to this website was very healing & therapeutic to me! I pray it will be so to you hun!

(((Hugs & Prayers)))

September 6, 2006
10:31 am
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2angelsinmo
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Rasputin, you don't know what it means to me to have this site. It's been a blessing and just at the right time in my life. I've been in abusive relationships for my entire life and for once I'm ready to break free from the cycle. I have a daughter who's 11 and I know I don't want her growing up learning this behavior. I was in denial about being a co dependent till this past April. It's been a lot to handle and I do feel afraid to go back to my old behaviors but I know too much now and I won't let that happen. I'm going to the local library to check out that book. I also have a great book for you to look into. "How to change your life in 30 days." By Rhonda Brittan. She's the life coach off of Staring Over. This book is what started my healing and I can refer back to my steps when I'm feeling hopeless. Let me know what you think, if you decide to read it. Thanks, again and nice talking to ya.

September 6, 2006
9:20 pm
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Rasputin
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Thanks 2Angelsinmo!!! I will check out this book in the public library. I love reading and I spend my $ on all those smart books so that I can learn and improve all I can.

I am so Proud of you for getting realizing that you were in abusive relationship and getting out of it and not wanting your daughter to copy you unhealthy behavior. Kudos!

Keep us informed hun!

Blessings, Ras~

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