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What to do, telling the new g/f the truth
June 7, 2010
2:46 pm
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snowdrop
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September 30, 2010
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Hello all. I've posted here before about my dysfunctional relationship with a womaniser, but things have changed yet again.

I've known for years what he is like, but am addicted to him on a physical level,so it's gone on as a friends who have sex basis for a long time. I am sure that he's not capable of having anything deeper and that is my problem,that I can accept so little from someone, still that's why I am in therapy.

Meanwhile he has had new girlfriend who adores him blindly, and had recently given up her life to be with him. She does't have proof that he was still seeing me but is suspicious.

Anyway last night we met and she asked me if we could talk. I said yes, not there and then because it was difficult, but important for both of us. Now I am not sure what this talk should be about. SHe 'knows' on some level that he is not to be trusted. I know the facts which are probably much worse than she thinks. I know that we are both pretty screwed up women to have fallen for, and stayed with, such a selfish using but attractive arse. It says a lot about both of us.

My question is, 'just how honest should I be' There is no way that I can talk freely about what has been going on without causing her terrible pain. Whilst I would like the whole mess to be public because I hate this sneaking around dishonesty thing I don;t know just how honest I should be.

Whatever I do the ex N will blow a fuse and
blame me for messing up his relationship wth the gf who worships him.

I'd really rather just run away - which is very much my style - so how to cope with the in your face reality?

June 7, 2010
2:48 pm
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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With all the diseases going around, esp HIV and AIDS...she deserves to know that she is putting her life at risk with a man who cheats on her...I feel sorry for her.

June 7, 2010
4:59 pm
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StronginHim77
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How did you, two, happen to meet? By accident? How does she know you? Why does she suspect that you are involved with him?

I am guessing that she already knows he is not straight with her...or she wouldn't have asked for the "sit down" talk. My advice? DON'T DO IT.

She already suspects something isn't right. She has probably seen red flags flying madly all over the place with this guy. I think it best in such a situation to allow her to arrive at her own conclusions because she already knows deep inside that he is bad news. If she trusted him, she would not have asked to talk with you.

When we get involved in these triangles, someone usually gets their teeth kicked out for trying to "help." Why do you want to get involved in this situation? Are you still sexually active with him?

I see BAD NEWS written all over this. Again, I would step back because I believe she is simply looking for ammunition for a knock-down confrontation with him. She needs to base that confrontation on how he has failed her personally...not on hearsay, gossip or feedback from a former (or current) booty call/gf.

Also, most of us who get involved with "N's" would NEVER believe the Truth at first. The mask they wear is so charming, so seductive and so perfect! She might not even believe you, if you painted the truth on her forehead, unless she is ready to pull her head out of the sand and dump her magical thinking.

- Ma Strong

June 7, 2010
6:31 pm
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atalose
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September 24, 2010
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Your question is: “just how honest should I be”........................

That depends on your motive.............which is???????????

Do you want this new GF out of YOUR way?

Do you want to end this unhealthy relationship for good?

What will YOU gain by forming a friendship with this woman?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

June 7, 2010
6:42 pm
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queenofmean
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September 24, 2010
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I'd put yourself in her position and ask yourself what you would want to know. It sounds to me like you're jealous of her and wanting that type of relationship with this man.

Your excuse that you are "addicted" physically to him is just that, an excuse. I think you have feelings for him and are hiding them and trying to convince yourself and the rest of us. You are allowing yourself to be used and you have a option to control his new relationship to a certain extent.

If I were you, I'd move on. Whatever you're addicted to about this man is a trait of another, possibly better, man. You deserve better and you can't feel good about yourself when a man is willing to have sex with you, but not date you. You are awesome, not because of him, but in spite of him! Please try to remember this the next time you're feeling lonely. You rock!

June 7, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
snowdrop
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
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Hello
all. I've posted here before about my dysfunctional relationship
with a womaniser, but things have changed yet again.

I've known for
years what he is like, but am addicted to him on a physical
level,so it's gone on as a friends who have sex basis for a long
time. I am sure that he's not capable of having anything deeper and
that is my problem,that I can accept so little from someone, still
that's why I am in therapy.

Meanwhile he has
had new girlfriend who adores him blindly, and had recently given
up her life to be with him. She does't have proof that he was still
seeing me but is suspicious.

Anyway last night
we met and she asked me if we could talk. I said yes, not there and
then because it was difficult, but important for both of us. Now I
am not sure what this talk should be about. SHe 'knows' on some
level that he is not to be trusted. I know the facts which are
probably much worse than she thinks. I know that we are both pretty
screwed up women to have fallen for, and stayed with, such a
selfish using but attractive arse. It says a lot about both of
us.

My question is,
'just how honest should I be' There is no way that I can talk
freely about what has been going on without causing her terrible
pain. Whilst I would like the whole mess to be public because I
hate this sneaking around dishonesty thing I don;t know just how
honest I should be.

Whatever I do the
ex N will blow a fuse and blame me for messing up his relationship
wth the gf who worships him.

I'd really rather
just run away - which is very much my style - so how to cope with
the in your face reality?

June 7, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
BAREFOOTGIRL
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

With
all the diseases going around, esp HIV and AIDS...she deserves to
know that she is putting her life at risk with a man who cheats on
her...I feel sorry for her.

June 7, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

How
did you, two, happen to meet? By accident? How does she know you?
Why does she suspect that you are involved with him?

I am guessing that
she already knows he is not straight with her...or she wouldn't
have asked for the "sit down" talk. My advice? DON'T DO
IT.

She already
suspects something isn't right. She has probably seen red flags
flying madly all over the place with this guy. I think it best in
such a situation to allow her to arrive at her own conclusions
because she already knows deep inside that he is bad news. If she
trusted him, she would not have asked to talk with you.

When we get
involved in these triangles, someone usually gets their teeth
kicked out for trying to "help." Why do you want to get involved in
this situation? Are you still sexually active with him?

I see BAD NEWS
written all over this. Again, I would step back because I believe
she is simply looking for ammunition for a knock-down confrontation
with him. She needs to base that confrontation on how he has failed
her personally...not on hearsay, gossip or feedback from a former
(or current) booty call/gf.

Also, most of us
who get involved with "N's" would NEVER believe the Truth at first.
The mask they wear is so charming, so seductive and so perfect! She
might not even believe you, if you painted the truth on her
forehead, unless she is ready to pull her head out of the sand and
dump her magical thinking.

- Ma
Strong

June 7, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Your
question is: “just how honest should I
be”........................

That depends on
your motive.............which is???????????

Do you want this
new GF out of YOUR way?

Do you want to end
this unhealthy relationship for good?

What will YOU gain
by forming a friendship with this woman?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

June 7, 2010
12:00 am
Avatar
queenofmean
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'd
put yourself in her position and ask yourself what you would want
to know. It sounds to me like you're jealous of her and wanting
that type of relationship with this man.

Your excuse that
you are "addicted" physically to him is just that, an excuse. I
think you have feelings for him and are hiding them and trying to
convince yourself and the rest of us. You are allowing yourself to
be used and you have a option to control his new relationship to a
certain extent.

If I were you, I'd
move on. Whatever you're addicted to about this man is a trait of
another, possibly better, man. You deserve better and you can't
feel good about yourself when a man is willing to have sex with
you, but not date you. You are awesome, not because of him, but in
spite of him! Please try to remember this the next time you're
feeling lonely. You rock!

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