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what to do? married 27 years
November 5, 2000
12:41 pm
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badday
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Hi i am having a real bad day i feel depressed to the point where i now feel sick. I can't seem to get anything right if i let myself be a caring and touching wife, then i become hurt by things that my husband cannot explain or i retreat into the place i'm at now not wanting to feel anything so i don't become hurt and feel like i am being paraniod about the Friday night phone calls [telemarketing or another woman]. This is just a tip of the old iceburg. I am overweight and have been married for 27 years deep down i know i am suppose to feel like a valid and inteligent person but it just gets to be so much hard work that i sometimes want my husband to be strong for me. We do talk about these things that bother me but i end up feeling like he is just saying there is no one else because he feels i could'nt deal with the rejection.

November 5, 2000
12:50 pm
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Molly
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It all starts with you, if you keep doing the same things how can your life, mental attitude, or even your physical conditions change far less the marriage. I suggest you focus on you. Feelings of low self worth self esteem, ( the weight) contribute with what might be a clinical depression, and paranoia with the husband, real or imagined. Go get a physical, if you have been married 27 years, check on menopause, and thyroid, also contribute to weight, and depression. After the physical, go to a counselor or group, but focus on you. As you change, and perhaps, come out of the depression, your relationship will also change, get busy, so that you are not so focused on who called, if you are busy amazing how those other things are just not so important. After you are sure you are in stable mental and physical condition, then look at the marriage, and what is really going on, it is hard to see the real truth, when we are not well our selves. Good luck.

November 5, 2000
1:00 pm
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badday
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Well i am on prozac and E.R.T. and many other medicines which i am not very proud of. I have been to conseling for an extended time 18 mo. which did help and while i know the facts of my own accountability it is hard to continue to feel good about ones self without some type of validation from your spouse. Something that is not put into words but more in the way of actions speak louder then words.

November 5, 2000
8:24 pm
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janes
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TELL him what you need go back to or stay in counseling, exericse, eat better and care about you.

It will never matter what he says unless you believe it first in your own heart.

He cannot make you happy only you can do that.

November 6, 2000
5:54 pm
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Molly
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When we are whole, and complete, living a balanced life, it is amazing how unimportant that external validation becomes. Sure it is the frosting on the cake, but the cake is so much better, when we baked it.

November 11, 2000
10:42 pm
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poohbear
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I can identify with you. I have been married 23 years and have many of the same feelings that you have. I too, am overweight which is a burden within itself. Depression and overweight create a cycle that is hard to break. One feeds upon the other. Sometimes I distrust my husband though he has never given me a reason to do so. I just feel bad about myself. Then I have to remember that I have accomplished a lot during my lifetime and I should be proud of who I am. So should you. I am sure you have accomplished many worthwhile goals in your lifetime. Remember those and don't be so hard on yourself. I have always been a perfectionist, which makes me hard on myself, but I have learned to ease up a bit because life is short as it is.

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