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what to do about feelings for the counselor?
September 11, 2001
6:59 pm
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Molly
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With out knowledge of the other issues, it can work out for the best. Consider the possibilities. There are no failures, simply learning opportunities!!!!! Attitude ok.
I discovered a counselor about 9 years ago, went to her for several months, out of the blue, she said, I must end our counseling, I identify to much with your issues, and cannot be objective. We are best of friends.
I at first thought I was being rejected, but that was my negative thinking. there is no way you could have done this wrong. Molly says your right on, and moving foreward. This is not all about you, it could be about her as well, there are just possibly some things you may never know. be good to you.

September 13, 2001
5:24 pm
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damaged
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Molly
I would like to say thank you for all the support you have given me here on this issue. I have two choices, go see someone else or just stop my counseling all together. The way I feel today I think maybe I should go see someone new. The reasons why I am not for sure about. I do know I need to do what ever it takes to stay sober and if that means going to counseling maybe thats what I should do. My counselor wants me to go see her a couple more times. I really don't want to do that but I guess thats what you are suppost to do to come to a ending or something like that.
Well I know if I do get a new counselor its going to be hard to open up to her. I don't want to repeat old behaviors like maybe get to close or letting someone see my soft side. Oh well thats the story of my life. I never do things the easy way. Thanks again!!!!!!!!

September 13, 2001
8:51 pm
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Molly
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Duh, I think there is some rule in life that most of us don't get it the easy way. yea, closure is what she wants to achieve, and I think it might be ok to do. I mean, right now you have this bunch of feelings and gee where do we put them. Perhaps follow through is the lesson of the month. Perhaps if you continue--- you will get the rest of what you need to stop repeating the old behaviors?????????????? Just a possibility.
I think you know that it is a choice to stay sober. Plain and simple. I believe in you, that you are strong enough to keep your committment to yoru self. In fact I bet I am not the only person that believes in you, ok. Sure its nice to have that support system, but ultimately where ever we go there we are, and if we don't look out for us, who else will?
Don't set your self up for the opportunity for failure, it is not your option today. One day at a time right? You can get your support right here, in addition to what ever else you may seek, if you choose to seek.

September 14, 2001
4:44 pm
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damaged
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Yes you are right again. If it was too easy I wouldn't get it. For the first time in my life I think I might be getting it. Sometimes I am not for sure what I am getting but I do know I am thinking clearer. I think am getting why I do and did some of the things I have done and do. I have never felt like a very smart person. But now that my brain cells have been dry for a few months now. I feel that maybe there is someone up their. Yes I know I still can't spell for shi% but some of the stuff people say here I can just so understand an apply to myself.

September 14, 2001
4:44 pm
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damaged
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Yes you are right again. If it was too easy I wouldn't get it. For the first time in my life I think I might be getting it. Sometimes I am not for sure what I am getting but I do know I am thinking clearer. I think am getting why I do and did some of the things I have done and do. I have never felt like a very smart person. But now that my brain cells have been dry for a few months now. I feel that maybe there is someone up their. Yes I know I still can't spell for shi% but some of the stuff people say here I can just so understand an apply to myself.

September 14, 2001
6:40 pm
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Molly
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Lets not judge our selves on spelhings.Dahling or we are all in big trouble. And the really good news is that they used to think if we killed our brain cells that was it, not to give permission, but they do regenerate.
There is an old AA friend who used to remind me never to spend to much time alone in my head.
I offer you the same suggestion. Ever read the book Rational Recovery? I celebrate most of those concepts, he might have a web page. i know like you need another spare time project.

September 16, 2001
12:52 am
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damaged
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Molly thanks for the spelling humor. If you don't mind me asking you this are you a recovering alcoholic? And yes I can always use spare time projects because bordom will kick me in the ass.

December 2, 2001
6:47 pm
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damaged
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Molly Hi how are you doing? Well here I am again on this subject. I go see my counselor tomorrow, yes the one I have talked about on here before. I am so looking forward to it and at the same time I am scared about it. I haven't seen her for a month and I just don't want to have the wrong feelings for her. I need to set boundrys and I need to learn how to do that. I do trust her and I think I can talk to her about this somemore. Maybe everything will be ok but I need to perpair myself. Next month I will be able to go back and see her on a regular schedual. I think this is something I need to work on setting boundrys. What do you think? Do I need to go see a old old counselor so I won't develope feelings? How about a man? (lol) no realy setting boundrys I need to learn to do emotionaly. I want to be emontionaly free.

December 3, 2001
1:22 pm
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Molly
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You know its hard to not have feelings about some one that you trust and makes you feel good. Just make sure your not sitting there doing a sexual fantasy, that is inappropriate feelings, and your lying to your self if that is your agenda. Perhaps that is the first step in preparing your self, just what is your agenda?
I am sure I shared with you before that my counselor at the end of a session shocked the hell out of me by stating that I can no longer see you on a professional basis! She stated that she would much rather be my friend and we have been for over 10 years. There was transferance, and counter transferance. She said that she just couldn't take my money and that she had to be complete with this delimma that had bothered her for the last 3 sessions. Perhaps that is what you feel with this counsleor, real friend ship ? Perhaps in your quest for sexual identity, you confuse friendship with women with your sexual needs? Just guessing here, and trying to help you formulate your preperation.

With respect to emotional freedom, I think that comes with acceptance. No more shoulda woulda coulda thinking. No more coloring in the lines of the pictures of the coloring book. No more making the grass green and the sun yellow, if you are getting what I mean. Getting past the fear, fear of judgement, fear of acceptance, fear of doing the right things, fear of failure, fear of success. Just being, taking what ever color of the day is, and maybe we don't like it, but it is. Guilt, shame, pain, is great in small doses, it helps us define those boundrylines, lessons so to speak, but when they become who we are its time to ditch them. Thank you very much, you served me, now I am done with you. Living not in the past, or the future, but today, and accepting you in the today, just the way you are , you beautiful creature you. You are what , what did you say, oh, that is what I thought you said, yeah.............. your a miracle, projector of light.

December 4, 2001
2:20 pm
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SandiKP7158
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It's normal to develop feelilngs for the counselor, just like it is with anyone that you have a close relationship with. A counseling relationship becomes a very private, intimate thing, and I'm sure you have shared things about yourself that you wouldn't just tell everyone. Recognize it for what it is, and continue to reap the benefits. Counselors are trained to listen empathetically, and are just human beings, too, so this is a very natural thing. Ask yourself what your life would be like now had you not sought counseling.

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