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What shall i do
September 19, 2003
8:39 am
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Saddo
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September 27, 2010
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First time on site, bit nervous. Recovering alcoholic, husband still drinks but not alcohollically, don't feel i love him anymore. Have 3 kids 9, 14 and 16. When i tried to break free before i could not bare to see the kids pain so got back together-wrong thing to do, its still the same, he sulks, argues, gets jealous. i.ve moved out of the bedroom for the last 5wks and say to myself "Let Go and Let God" 2 men have been sent into my life who are lovely friends but both with baggage, what should i do.

September 19, 2003
11:52 am
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artist 2
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Don't do anything - wait and watch. Take it easy...

September 19, 2003
12:20 pm
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Ladeska
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What do you mean he still drinks but not alchoholically? I mean if he drinks at all, that's not cool.

As far as what do you do? I think you probably already know the answer to that one, have enough information over the years now, right? You see patterns, you've been through the mill and you've walked road picking up the pieces and just hanging in there. When does enough get to be enough?

The kids don't need to drive the bus here. You're the adult. You have to do what's best for them and not be whimpy about it. Dad will play them against you, too and make Mom out to the bad guy but that's the whole alchoholic trap is it not?

This mindset, whether someone is drinking or not - is still there obviously. The endless mindgames, not taking responsibility for alot of things and just doing the crazymaking thing all the time - takes a toll on you.

Sounds like your fed up and I'm sure you have good reason. I think you need to listen to your gut, your own common sense and be decisive. Like isn't meant to be lived - being a yo-yo or an a forever roller coaster. This isn't a good pattern for the kids to be in, it will make patterns for them in life that are horrendous and maybe Mom just has to say - this is the way it's going to be, I have to make a decision and I have to do what is right here regardless of what everyone else thinks about it.

You can't live on promises and maybes and what ifs. You have to, at some point, look at the evidence and then make a decision and go with it. Limbo is a dirty rotten place to be and it accomplishes nothing but making you weaker and probably will end you back in the same position because you get so worn out you just believe whatever and go back to being a victim and a martyr.

Like I said.......I think you know what you the answer to your question is. People usually do - they just need to know tha someone else understands and has been there and get a little moral support. This is a good place for that. Alot of people have been in your shoes here or similar ones. Welcome!!! Oh and here's a BIG OLE cyberhug for you, too! I think you need one! And don't be shy, we don't bite.

September 19, 2003
2:08 pm
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Saddo
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Thanx Artist 2 and Ladeska, it's really great to get a reply, and Ladeska you're right i do know what to do but hey it's scarey when you've been co-dependent for so long.
One of the other guys im really attracted to has been emailing me and ive been returning them, it got quite hot, and as usual im waiting for the replies all the damn time, my obsessive mind is permanently occupied with thoughts of him yet i know hes not wanting to commit to me (he's married) see why i called myself Saddo, but how can i rid myself of these defects. Its kinda like i need to know i can still do it or something - how can you just love yourself and be happy with you. Thanx again - i think i'm going to really enjoy this site and getting to know you all, you've got great things to say, and i agree, just being understood is amazing!!

September 19, 2003
2:38 pm
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Anam Cara
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September 30, 2010
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Saddo
Look us up in the coffeehouse - some good eggs in the old place.
Anam

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