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What my World Needs Now is
November 13, 2006
12:18 pm
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mj
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"Before anyone else can love you, you must love your self. Therefore you must open your heart up to your own love." The following is a dialogue between your kind, loving parent self and the little you. (Choices, creating happiness by breaking free of your past) by Andrea Moses M.S.W.

Its suggested that you read this dialogue onto an audio cassette tape, and listen to it repeatedly.

Loving Parent Self
"You are the most beautiful little girl. It's a crime that you were never given real love before today. You were forced to beg for crumbs of love. You were forced to pray that someone would notice you. You were forced to pay with your integrity just to get some attention. You were forced to accept abuse just to get some attention. You were humiliated, you were used, and you had no choice but to accept this disgusting treatment.

You deserve real love. You were totally worthy of real love. You deserved total delight in your existence. You deserved consideration and respect. You deserved appreciation and recognition for the wonderful little being you were. You didn't get it before, and I want to make it up to you now.

I love you totally, completely, and unconditionally. I love everything about you. You are the most wonderful person in the world. I adore you. I adore you completely. I delight in your existence. I am so thrilled that you were born.

I want you to open up your heart to me. I want you to trust me. I know that you had good reason to stop believing in people and to stop trusting people. Your trust was violated. You were betrayed by the people who should have loved you. But that is in the past, and together we can create a happy future.

I want you to open up your heart to me. (Repeat 5 times) I love you and I want to you to come back. I want you to trust me. I am here for you. I care about you. I want to give you love. I want to show you that you that you can count on me, that I am reliable, that I am here for you. But you have to open your heart to me and to trust me. I'm here for you and I want to unite with you. I want us to be one. You can count on me. You can rely on me. Whatever you want, I am here for you. I Love YOU."

Inner Child Self

"I am so happy that you've come to get me. I've been so lonely and so lost. I wanted you to find me. I wanted you to bring me back. I didn't think anyone cared about me. I didn't think that anyone loved me. But you love me. I know you love me. I know I can count on you. I know you won't let me down. I want to love you. I want to open my heart to you. I'm afraid though. I'm afraid I'll be hurt again. It's been a long time since I've trusted anyone. I had to stop trusting. My life was in danger. I had to shut down. But I want to be with you now. I want to love you. I want to be one with you. It's such a wonderful feeling to be loved."

November 13, 2006
12:23 pm
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"If you were abused, sexually, verbally, or physically, if you were ignored, neglected, or emotionally abandoned, if you were controlled or manipulated by your parent/s it is highly doubtful that as an adult, you will either like yourself or accept yourself. In all likelihood, you will probably hate your self. The reason?

November 13, 2006
12:29 pm
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Because your parents didn't like you (they did not treat you with love, kindness and understanding) you will have concluded that you weren't very likeable, the reason being that there was something wrong with you- you were either defective or a bad person. If you weren't so inadequate, or if you were not such a bad person, they would have liked you and treated you well. Because they treated you poorly, you would have concluded that there must have been something wrong with you. You would have concluded that you deserved your rotten treatment, and that you just weren't good enough as you were. And so you would have become ashamed of your self.

As an adult you will then continue to treat your self the way your parents treated you. You will be critical of your self, and judgemental of your accomplishments. You will set standards of perfection for your self. If you don't meet them you will conclud that your parents were right, you are inadequate."

November 13, 2006
12:38 pm
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It's time to stop beating your self, and start forgiving your self.

The issue here is about accepting your current emotional capacity to achieve your goals. The fact is, you are doing the best you can with the emotional capabilities you currently possess.

Wherever you are at in your life, you have come a long way from where you started. You have survived. Because you unconscious mind will have blocked out traumas from your childhood, you may not consciously realize the horrors you have been through. And so from your conscious perspective, you probably don't see any reason why you aren't able to do more, and accomplish more than your current levels.

As you begin to connect back to your early childhood and gain access to your buried pain, you will come to realize that there are good reasons why your life has turned out the why it has, and why, at this point in time, you are unable to achieve your desires. Remember your outside world will always reflect your inner world. If you don't like yourself, if you do not accept yourself, if you are ashamed of yourself, if you believe you are inadequate, people and circumstances will respond in Kind."

November 13, 2006
12:41 pm
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" In order to create the life you want, and bring happiness into your life, you must begin by forgiving your self for the inadequacy you believe you have. You are perfect as you are. You are good enough exactly as you are. If you don't change one thing in your life, be proud of your self. You're a wonderful human being, and even if you aren't where you want to be right now, you've always done the best of which you were emotionally capable."

November 13, 2006
12:44 pm
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Forgiving your self is a truly liberating experience!

As long as you condemn your self, you will be preventing your self from achieving your goals.

Let Go of YOUR Self-Hatred

November 13, 2006
12:50 pm
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I forgive myself for passively accepting abuse. I forgive myself for accepting criticism and humiliation without fighting back. I forgive myself for pushing down my anger. I did not deserve the cruel, abusive,neglectful, controlling treatment that I received. I am not responsible for the way I was treated. I deserve love, affection, kindness, consideration, caring, respect, attention, and understanding.
I deserve to be loved. I want to face my anger. I want to face my sadness. I want to face my fears. I want to face my shame. I want to break free from my negative self-beliefs. I want to love my self.

November 13, 2006
6:31 pm
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I just got back from a delightful afternoon with my new recovery friend.
We had plans to go swimming with her 3 year old and just didn't feel like it so I was honest about it! She invited me for lunch instead. Her daughter is soooo awesome. She makes me smile. She likes me too! We drew, played teacher, ate, went shopping and they got a fish they named Charly. Then we went to another store and I bought a "Oh God" coloring book. I let my child out to play and had lots of fun! Today was a good day.

I am beginning to know that the answer to life is loving ones self. Little children love themselves. They are excellent role models.
I am Special too! I can learn to validate myself and know that I matter. I love my self today!

November 13, 2006
8:15 pm
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Tonight I am going to a online Coda meeting! A first for me.

November 13, 2006
10:37 pm
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Hi MJ. Sorry I haven't been online. I worked my longer day today and then I have been running my daughter around looking for shoes for her dance coming up. Plus, after I took her to her dance class tonight I had to go to Wal-mart to buy some things. I am wiped out TOTALLY! I can tell because I feel very close to a melt down. It doesn't help that this is my week off my bc pills (my one week out of 10 that I take them).

Hubby is heading out of town tomorrow afternoon and will be back Thursday evening. That isn't too bad. I am feeling much better but still not back 100% yet.

Glad you were able to clean for your brother yesterday and you didn't have to fight the winds today. Although, it sounds like you had a wonderful time with your friend and her daughter. I am so happy for you!

The book work you are doing sounds very healing. I know you have a lot of hurts and wounds from the past and you are doing the work to make yourself happy and whole again. Love you dear friend. I have my counseling tomorrow and I don't know how it will go. I feel void of emotions right now as I am just tired.

Have a blessed evening.

Love, TS

November 14, 2006
10:01 am
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TS, please don't apologize for taking care of yourself and your responsibilities. I know the love in your heart is always available!

It sounds like you had a very tiring day. I hope you are rested now and able to experience your life fully! Love to YOU and Thanks for always caring about me! I am trying to practice self love and its really easy here! I am learning to nurture, love, affirm, and acknowledge my own feelings and not expecting anyone to rescue or validate me! I am almost to a point where I know that I am wasting my time posting here publicly and could do the same off line. Habits are hard to break but I will take the leap when I am ready.

Hope you move mountains today TS.

November 14, 2006
1:49 pm
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I need to be able to express my feelings honestly. I am heading out to my Coda meeting. I have decided if that women tells me one more time that long hair doesn't look good on me I am going to tell her how rude she is!

November 14, 2006
6:12 pm
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I hope you are able to express your emotions and feelings honestly MJ. That woman is very rude in telling you how you should or shouldn't wear your hair. It is NONE of her business. You choose how you dress, wear your hair, and present yourself - not her! 🙂

As for me, I am doing pretty well. I am having trouble bouncing back from this sinus infection. Plus my teenage daughter is driving me crazy with wanting me to take her everywhere and change plans at the drop of a hat. She has a friend over studying right now and I will take her home. Then my daughter has dance tonight. In between another friend called wanting her to do something in between the study session and her dance time. I said no, but it just drives me crazy because I feel like the bad guy. There isn't a good reason that she can't go to this other thing other than the fact that I am tired of running everywhere and I don't think she needs to go.

Just venting! Plus my hormones are raging, so it isn't a good combination with me right now.

MJ, I hope you stand your ground and stay strong. I need to keep learning how to do the same with my teenager!!

Love, TS

November 14, 2006
7:45 pm
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Hey TS,

Vent away! It feels good to get it out and be done with it.

Having said what I planned to say to her..... she walked right by me without even a word, so go figure!

Life is Strange but it's better than the alternative 😉

November 15, 2006
10:27 am
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Improving my Conscious Contact through prayer and meditation!

I retrieved my 52 weeks of conscious contact by Melody Beattie from the book case.

Today I noted that Values are important. Patience, Faith, Trust, Discipline, Guidance, Surrender, and Service.

Our values are our real treasures.
Today has value and gifts. I am grateful for the lessons I am learning.

November 16, 2006
9:58 am
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Reading again this morning and was struck by this passage:

13:1 If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

13:2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

13:3 If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

13:4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant

13:5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

13:6 it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.

13:7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

13:8 Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end.

13:9 For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part;

13:10 but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end.

13:11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.

13:12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13:13 And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

November 16, 2006
11:07 am
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True Life’s Purpose

1. What is my true life’s purpose?
(What do I want to have accomplished when I look back upon my life in old age?)

2. How specifically would I have to think, speak, and act in order to bring that purpose into being?
(What habits would I need to cultivate and what would I have to delete from my present life to live out my true purpose?)

3.What activities – what actual daily choices, attitudes, and concrete accomplishments – would I do if I lived as if my purpose meant something to me?

4.How would I live, on a day-to-day basis, if I respected myself, others, my Life’s purpose?

November 16, 2006
1:23 pm
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Today is the National Smoke Out?

Ellen D said yesterday she has quit for 6 weeks and its the best thing!

My Brother died of Lung Cancer at the Age of 41 and his tombstone says "Worked Hard, Played Hard, and Died Hard"

In talking with my honey at breakfast, I asked him those same 4 questions? He said that his sole purpose was to please me, feed me, and take care of all my needs" which was tongue in cheek. He said my questions are too complicated and that he didn't wish to think about them.

I am still contemplating them.

November 16, 2006
5:13 pm
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Hi MJ. The passage you referred to in your earlier post is from the book of 1 Corinthians chapter 13 in the New Testament part of the Bible. It is called the "love chapter" with good reason, huh? 🙂

Sorry your hubby wasn't responsive to your questions. Sometimes people just want to slide through life and not really connect with those around them in a meaningful way - which is sad because they miss out on knowing someone in a much deeper more meaningful way.

Your questions are hard but good. Not sure I even know the answers for myself right now. Thanks for sharing them.

Love to you my friend,
TS

November 16, 2006
8:45 pm
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Thanks TS!

I like that .... The Love Chapter!

Love to YOU!

November 18, 2006
12:29 am
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Just returned from the valley. We got up at 3am. Hubby had to go to the dr. because he tore his bicep. The doc said to live with it the way it is! No surgery! This was good news! Love to All

November 18, 2006
9:37 am
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OMG MJ! How did your hubby tear his bicep? That must have been extremely painful. I hope he heals quickly and doesn't have any lasting side effects from it. Good news is no surgery though.

How are YOU? I am sure that you are pretty tired and worn out from dealing with your hubby. I was thinking about you yesterday and wondering how you were doing.

Take care and know I am here for you my friend.

Love, TS

November 18, 2006
4:25 pm
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Hi Dear!

He tore it 3 weeks ago and the pain has been lessening. I was just so relieved that surgery wasn't required after all I felt like sharing the good news. Didn't mean to alarm you. I tend to hold things in until I feel centered.

How are you doing? Are you feeling any better? I am tired today but am accomplishing quite a bit. This is my first time on the puter today. Taking a little break.

Love to YOU and All

By the way,
I answered the questions!
My purpose is being Loving! I want to be remembered for that so I need to work on implementing my words and actions!

November 19, 2006
2:15 pm
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Hi MJ. I understand about being busy and not being on the computer as much. I hope you are having a great day.

Glad your husband doesn't need surgery. I hope everything heals and he has no lasting effects from the injury.

I am feeling much better these days -thank goodness. There is so much to remember and keep track of these days it seems that I am trying not to let myself get overwhelmed.

Take care.
Love, TS

November 19, 2006
4:33 pm
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Glad you are feeling better and working on remaining calm!

More questions!!!!
Self Observation

What makes me happy? What activities, what possessions, what daily actions-however small- fill me with delight, make me feel energized and optimistic?

What actions make me feel as if I count in my own eyes?

What memories fill me with joy? What important goals have I always wanted to achieve, but haven’t made the time for? What have I done in the past to bring myself optimism, good feelings, or positive reactions?

Which of my traits or characteristics, when expressed, make me glad to be me? What kind of person am I at my best? How do I act and look when I am that kind of person?

What top five values do I strive to live by and/or do I admire in others?

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