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WHAT KIND OF FATHER AM I!!!!
February 6, 2007
11:16 am
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santino
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Stupid Stupid Stupid Me!!!! I have been so wrapped up in my own sorrow this last 6 months that I failed to notice my daughter is struggling in school!!! I just dropped her off and the teacher told me that shes struggling in math and that if she doesn't get some tutoring she will have to repeat the first grade. As I left the class I looked at my daughter, her eyes filled with tears. It made me feel so sad and guilty inside. This poor girl has been struggling all year and I haven't even noticed. I can't belive myself, I'm so ashamed, what kind of father does that??!! What kind of father am I!!!

February 6, 2007
11:36 am
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mj
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A sad father who has been dealing with his own issues. Don't beat yourself up over santino. You were given a Wake up Call, and for this you are a Lucky Father. Lucky that you can help your daughter, nurture her, and tutor her if you up to it.

(((((Santino))))) I beat myself up too. It doesn't help, only makes me feel worse.

February 6, 2007
11:36 am
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A human one, Santino.

The important part is that you care, and now that you realize she is having problems, you can make efforts to get her the help she needs.

It's good you want to be responsible... it's good you feel remorse for neglecting her. Try not to beat yourself into a pulp over it though!

February 6, 2007
11:37 am
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Randomwomen2
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Sweetheart please dont beat yourself up to much hunny its not good for you or your daughter. In my opinion the best thing that you can do is really focus on getting your daughter some help weather it be from you our a tutor. As parents we all make mistakes. There is no perfect parent the key is taking our mistakes and learning from them.

February 6, 2007
11:41 am
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caraway
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santino,

Sounds like you one of the "human" types. Don't beat yourself up; this is a fixable problem.

Cary

February 6, 2007
12:11 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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santino,

my daughter is 13...I have had many of these types of moments...realizing just how awful I have been.

you can't change the past, but you can ensure a brighter future.

focus on what you can do today and focus on fixing things going forward.

first grade is challenging...they are going from half day kindergarten to full day....it's an adjustment...new requirements and expectations.

refocus your energy...and you guys will come out on top.

February 6, 2007
12:12 pm
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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one more thing....sometimes, even if you WEREN'T distracted, you may not know.

my daughter was on honor roll last term. THEN I get a progress report and she is MASSIVELY failing in two subjects and was put on academic probation.

NOTHING was brought to my attention, she didn't say anything, there wasn't any notes from teachers...nothing.

so, sometimes you don't know...the kid tells you everything is good, so you believe them....that's why it's good to check in with the teacher for progress reports if you need them.

February 6, 2007
2:38 pm
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santino
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Thanks everyone, like always, greatly appreciative. šŸ™‚

Rising: Isn't that the truth??!! I thought my daughter was always doing great! She always does her homework and the teacher always tells me shes the most well behaved child she has ever tought in her 25 years of teaching! Then all of a sudden this!! I was shocked, I called my ex wife and we made a plan. At first we played the blame game then I shut that down and we discussed a plan of action. I told her this isn't about us, this is about us doing whats best for her. She agreed and we'll see how it goes. Thanks for reading šŸ™‚

February 9, 2007
6:06 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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I am always impressed with divorced parents who put their children ahead of the blame game and everything else.

Good for you. I think it takes a wonderful father to care that much about helping a kid.

February 9, 2007
6:26 pm
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student1
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You are a great dad. I wish my dad would have cared about my math. My dad would beat me if I asked for help. I stopped doing homework in the forth grade. I am a jr. in college and I have not taken 1 math class my councelor says that I have been avoiding it like a virus.
Your daughter knows you care. She knows you love her. You have plenty of time to tutor her and this is a great time to implement math games and activities and bond!

February 9, 2007
6:39 pm
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taj64
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What kind? A good one, not perfect but good. Grades do not always reflect how a parent is. Even the best of homes, etc do not mean a straight A student. Sometimes it is simple as falling behind. Kids are not perfect either. They have to learn as well, that sometimes we mess up. My daughter did not do well in math. I somewhat took it personally too. We always want the best for them, the best grades too. How else do you know what to do unless there is a problem? You did the best you could, so you acted. And I bet anything the grades do go up. My daughter's did. She is not failing match. She sat there for a long time not understanding it, and now that she somewhat understands it, she is doing so much better. All you can do is be patient and be on their side. But ultimately the child also has to do the work and have the responsibility.

February 9, 2007
9:08 pm
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teachme
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do you think hard times and depressions are habits? sometimes I think that my depression is a security blanket I can not let go off give yourself a break - atleast you have noticed and can help your daughter now

February 10, 2007
6:52 am
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hopeful for change
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Alot of times when we are going through stuff...our kids are to. But, alot of times a kid may just need more help in one area in school, and then in snap "get it" it all clicks and no more problem.

Atleast you know now, lots of time before end of school year!!!

I wish I had a dad who cared enough to think this hard about me. So i would answer, A Real Dad.

February 10, 2007
2:11 pm
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readyforachange
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santino...you are a human being, just like the rest of us. So don't beat yourself up about this. Did the teacher try numerous times to contact you and let you know your daughter was struggling? Did you ignore her communication? If your appearance at the school was the first time she attempted to let you know of the problem, a lot of this should be placed on HER shoulders. I would request a meeting at school with the teacher, find out what the specific problems are, ask what the school has done to intervene, and get the information you need. I cannot imagine that they would fail a first grader for weaknesses in one subject area. That is not usually done.

Take a deep breath. You know about the problem now, and what you do from here on in measures what kind of dad you are. Take care...

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