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May 5, 2005
9:37 pm
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the_everglow
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What is affection?

How do you know when you 'like' someone?

I discovered today that I have no idea what a girlfriend is. I've never been more confused about something. I thought I knew, but I don't.

A girl can want to be around me, just as much as any other girl. What makes one person different from another? What would make a girl that I 'like' be different from the exact same girl that just wants to be around me [and I around them in return?]

It's confusing and I don't know. Have I ever even experienced this? I'm not sure.

I feel shallow and superficial.

May 5, 2005
9:51 pm
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the_everglow
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What is a girlfriend? I know all relationships are different and what people want from a relationship is different as well.

But..

What sets one person aside from another?

That special feeling? Yeah, about that... what is it? Butterflies in the stomach? Does that mean anything except that you're nervous?

What is love? Is it some tender feelings and warm smiles? I have no idea what any of it is right now.

Had a bad breakdown in my mind today, went nuts.

My heads a bit over exerted right now and I am trying to answer questions that have no answers it seems. Someone make me wrong.

May 5, 2005
10:26 pm
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D dog
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Hey, EG.

Well, I know I like a guy when I look at him and our eyes meet, and everything else in the background fades away.

When I think about making love to him and it almost physically hurts that he's not here.

When caller ID shows that it's him, and I have to go, "YES!" and leap around my living room before answering the phone.

When he sends me an email, and I sit there savoring his name and smiling before I even open it.

When seeing him, I feel like the most beautiful girl in the world.

But then, I am a codependent psycho, so take this for what's it worth! Any "stable" people out there have some ideas?

May 5, 2005
10:32 pm
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the_everglow
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I like how you explain things. I do believe those are instances out there that would make someone a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Still would love to see more.

May 5, 2005
10:37 pm
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CAMER
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i think you have to go with your feelings.....sometimes people that you like gives you that "warm fuzzy feeling" inside, and you smile alot...with just someone who you like as a friend, persay, you may not have the same feelings. I think the more you know someone, and the more your eyes dialate....!! yes, the more you like them.

May 5, 2005
10:44 pm
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D dog
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Alrighty then. I'll take it a level deeper.

When he expresses a thought that I have never considered, but that I realize that is completely true, and we feel in harmony.

When he expresses a thought that I have considered, maybe all my life, and I am so relieved to know that I am not alone.

When we laugh together.

When we say the same thing at the same time (love that one).

When he doesn't "need" me to complete himself, but "wants" me to build an even better life.

When he hangs out with his buddies, but still calls me from the bar.

When, some nights, he just holds me and we don't even have sex.

When we wake up together and cuddle. And even better, when he tells me he would love to spend the day together, but it's cool if I have other plans.

Whenever he is happy to hear from me, and I can hear it in his voice...

May 5, 2005
11:15 pm
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the_everglow
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Hmmm...

Well a lot of those sound like things I would do or say if I had a girlfriend.

But what makes a girlfriend a girlfriend?

I'm so confused right now on what that really means, but I can't even express my confusion or the questions that generate this confusion.

---
I can understand the 'warm fuzzy feeling' but i don't know what that means. i think i've felt it, but have i?

i still just feel shallow and heartless.

May 5, 2005
11:32 pm
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D dog
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Well, okay, I guess a "girlfriend" is when the two of you feel like a "team", and, have no desire to be with another person of the opposite sex, except as friends.

Allow me to elaborate - a girlfriend is your first priorty in the social world. A girlfriend is who you can trust, and say anything to, and listen to anything from.

A girlfriend, will, however, allow you the freedom to be with your friends, and not get jealous or insecure. And you are willing to do the same for her.

But at the end of the day, you know she is your "soulmate" - someone who you believe in and who believes in you.

I don't know how else to express it - help, you guys!!!

You're stretching my intellectual abilities here, EG! (And thanks for that, needed it this week! :o) )

May 5, 2005
11:37 pm
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the_everglow
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Trust me, this is stretching everything I've ever thought.

I thought I knew what a girlfriend is, but today when a friend explained what happened with her and her boyfriend over the weekend I began to think.

Her situation was this..

She was sick on a weekend, so her boyfriend was in town. She was too sick to do anything so he made her soup and made her up a bath and helped her get into her pajamas and then read her a book until she went to sleep.

This is when I thought to myself, I'd do all of those things just for a friend, so what them boyfriend and girlfriend?

What seperates friend from more than friend? I began to see a very gray area here, and this scares me. I would love a girl that I could take care of, and that would do the same for me, but why would that make her a person I would want to be with as my girlfriend?

I'm just confused I guess.

May 5, 2005
11:54 pm
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D dog
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Hmmm...well, it's great that you do that for a friend. I mean, really great.

I know this is a cop-out, but maybe you should wait and see? When the "girlfriend" thing happens, it usually involves sex (which, if I remember correctly, you have not done yet - and that is admirable).

I guess maybe that "special feeling" is different for everyone, and only you will recognize it when it happens...

Don't be in a hurry, EG. Getting to know people first is the better way to go...

May 6, 2005
12:26 am
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the_everglow
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ah, i have not. but i do not think that to feel that special feeling i need to have sex.

but i dont know what that special feeling is supposed to be. everyone says that i will just know, but how do i know i will? im detached from reality and from most emotions, so how will i feel anything?

it just doesn't make sense on what makes someone stand out from someone else.

May 6, 2005
4:55 am
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everglow..

Maybe you are not as detatched as you think you are?

A detatched person would not even question this.

Actually it's a very good question, and I think D dog answered it with passion.

What makes A stand out from B and C ?

If A, B and C are all people you like.

It may not be that A is hotter/smarter/funnier/kinder/etc!! than B or C

It may just be that A connects with that part of you - which right now, feels a little too scared to open up and let love in...

~love charlie~

May 6, 2005
1:42 pm
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Rasputin
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Everglow,

I think an ideal relationship comes when we use both our mind and our heart respectively. It is when you meet someone who meets your value and principle system. You may start off as friends, develop this frienship in a slow way. Little by little, love can come graduallly and even quietly.

Intuitive love, love at 1st sight are not bad, but they are not always indicative of the real or healthy relationship that we were destined to.

So, go slowly. Do not be prejudiced.
Looks are not the most important thing in life!!!

Appreciate people for their inner beauty rather than for their sexy look or appeal.

Remember that marriage is a commitment for life. Would you rather marry someone who is soooo cute/sexy, but less kind and faithful; or someone who is kind, trustworthy, honest with average look???

Remember also "Beauty is only skin deep". Real beauty comes from within.

May 6, 2005
1:57 pm
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kathygy
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everglow, A girlfriend is someone you have a committed relationship with that is mutally exclusive. You have no interest in any other girl. She will be very special to you and you will love her. To you she will be very beautiful. When you love someone you care deeply about their happiness and feelings. You treat them with respect. You look very forward to seeing her. You will feel love for a girl one day. There's no rush. And, yes you will know when that special feeling hits you.

May 6, 2005
2:31 pm
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the_everglow
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I thank all of you for responding to this. I'm sure it's not an easy question to begin with.

I guess what I'm doing is waiting. But at the same time I've given up. I know what I want a girlfriend/wife to be like, with her personality and everything about her being beautiful and amazing. I've not found that one girl... quite.

It would be great if you could answer the question I am raising, but I believe it may be impossible. What is love? Again, it may be impossible to answer because for all I know love may not even exist. I want to believe it does, but in my world there is so little proof. Maybe one day I'll know. Maybe one day....

May 7, 2005
4:02 pm
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Love cannot be defined.

It can't be bottled up and sold.

It can't sustain itself with the same intensity - rather, it changes with time.

It is something good though, this much is true.

We crave it in our life. Celebrate it in books and on the big screen.

It is a bittersweet, feel-good, all consuming experience of the heart and soul and mind.

And the possibility of it exists...for everyone.

Even in your world, everglow..

~charlie~

May 7, 2005
5:08 pm
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Jadey
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Well for me, i still love my ex. Here are some things that makes me realise i like someone in "that" way..

When i see him i get butterflys
im always looking at my phone to see if he has called or text
the thought of him makes me smile
whenever anyone say his name i gey that sinking feeling in my tummy
i think of him in a sexual way

Theres more...ill maybe post later

May 7, 2005
9:15 pm
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the_everglow
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I would love to hear more Jadey. Please indulge my senses.

Love is unique - yet we all seem to demonstrate the same 'feelings.'

It confuses and baffles me, I want something original, something incredible, something no one else has. This may just be my need to have someone, but my justification for not being with anyone.

If I go by the definitions of what people have stated here, then I must like a lot of people. Which isn't necesarilly false. I see so much potential in so many people, but I see different possibilities in each individual person. Each one entirely unique in themselves, and a person that could complete me in some way.

Pardon me going off on some poetic tangent. That was not my original intent.

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