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what is wrong with me?
May 15, 2000
2:21 pm
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katef
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I have had major depression for over 5 years and have been with my now husband through all of it. We have been married almost a year, and I had always considered our relationship the best and sometimes the only good thing in my life. Recently, I have been having horrible feelings and desires to cheat on him. I think about it all the time! It is driving me NUTS. I don't think I would ever do anything, but I cannot even believe I am thinking about it. If I screw things up with him, I can't imagine how much worse I will be. I want to stop this thinking.

May 15, 2000
4:46 pm
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drbillydm
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some of your feelings have to do with how you are being treated. and how your life is together. The quality time you spend together. Since you already suffer from depression, it is not uncommon for these type of feelings to come and go in cycles. First of all are you taking your medication correctly. Second are asserting yourself in you own needs? Dealing with depression is somewhat hard in itself, but dealing with love mixed with depression is most difficult. Decide your needs and insure that your husband meets you desires and needs. also take your medications and never assume your are better until a qualifed person says your. Don't be afraid of your desires and if something is missing in your relationship let your husband know. Believe in yourself. You have the power to control your own body and your own destiny. Take good care of yourself.

May 15, 2000
5:04 pm
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leonar
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I have been feeling the same way, weather or not I'm depressed has yet to be determined. but I can tell you that my feelings come from not feeling loved by my wife. I have conveyed these feelings to her and she states that she can't blame me and that we should try to work things out.

so that is what were doing. whenever I feel or think of cheating I start to think of how I would feel if my wife cheated on me and it stops me from doing something that I may regret in the future.

we all have needs and if they are not met they should be discussed and worked on by all concerned parties.

communication is very important and if your marriage is based on love anything and everything should be discussed in a non argumentive manner.

good luck and hang in there!

May 16, 2000
2:35 am
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hazza
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SOmetimes, when we are depressed also, we may actually have a very good relationship. But because of our own poor feelings about ourself, we feel we do not deserve the happiness we have in that relationship.
This can happen conciously or on a sub-concious level. So because of our low feelings about ourselves we jeopardise the relationship, it is easier to handle the rejection of something going wrong, than to handle something going right, which we are not used to.

We may have only ever seen dysfunctional relationships in the past and so we do not know how to enjoy a healthy relationship.

The mind is always more comfortable with behaviour it knows and understands, even if it is the unhealthy behaviour rather than the good.

What is the background to you before your marriage?

Did your parents have a happy marriage? have you had good relationships in the past??

It is very easy to think there must be something missing in your current relationship, may be there is?
but before you pull the relationship over the coals, it is best to look at yourself and your past first. there may be reasons there that explain why you are having these destructive feelings about your current relationship.
Peace
Hazza

May 16, 2000
7:08 pm
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Christie
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I think some of your feelings about wanting to cheat on your husband may be indirectly related to depression. In my opinion, even though you love your husband, the desire to cheat may be derived from the notion that marriage is by society considered confining....As your depression is confining. You may be viewing cheating (no matter how good the relationship) as a "way out" ...when what you really want a "way out" of is the depression. These feelings could just be your brain transplacing one situation to mean another. Or, maybe the excitement of something new, in your eyes, may make you feel good about yourself in some way, shape of form. If we all knew more about human feelings, the world would be better off. But, since we don't, sometimes it's a guessing game. If you ask yourself if you're happy in your present marriage and if there's anything else you desire from your partner....and the answer is no...you could assume that the feelings you're having are irrational. Depression is a funny thing and turns feelings around in different ways. I hope the feelings you're having cease, and you do something, perhaps soul search, to try to make yourself happy. Take care of yourself. Good luck.

May 18, 2000
9:51 am
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katef
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Thanks all for your insights! I have done a lot of thinking about all of this. Some of it just doesn't make sense to me. I have really only been around healthy relationships in my life. My parents have been married over 25 years and they appear happier every day! I grew up around loving and supportive people.

This whole wanting to cheat thing is really swamping my mind. Christie, I think you are probably correct that I am looking for a "way out" of my depression the wrong way.

This comes at an odd time, since I had been better than I can remember a couple months ago. I take my medication correctly and see a therapist a few times a month.

I really hope this is a phase or something I will be able to get over shortly.

May 22, 2000
3:51 pm
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minerva
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Lately I have wondering that. For the reason that al I think about is sex i just hope that it doesn't get to my head.

May 28, 2000
7:48 pm
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boots
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what is wrong with me? I think i am codependent. I meet all the criteria listed on the other page. i have never had a healthly relationship. My parents are still married but not good relationship no abuse just not expressive or loving. MY boyfriend and I are falling apart. i am destructive i pick fights and pick everything apart. After a few drinks i losse all control and fly into a rage and do insane things just pushing him to get rid of me. he has hung around so far but i think he is on his way this last time. What do i do to get hold of myself. Maybe he and I are not suppose to be together. But i do want some happiness in my life and i want to get better where do i begin and how do i find the right couselor?

May 31, 2000
11:03 am
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Cici
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Boots

If you're in college, there are free counseling services you can take advantage of. Otherwise, there are a lot of resources on the web. Try http://www.apa.org (American Psychological Association). Also, why don't you start your own thread and explain some background info so we can try to help?

May 31, 2000
3:09 pm
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infaith
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If you truly love your husband and are happy within yourself, cheating doesnt even enter your mind.
You should talk to your husband about your feelings, openly.

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