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What is wrong with letting him know?
April 7, 2005
4:29 pm
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feelingused
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September 29, 2010
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This is really driving me to insanity!
I have been trying to talk to my hubby about our relationship and its going NO WHERE!!

He came home lastnight drunk again.. mind you, he JUST got back from his drunk camp place... His sister brought him home. He should have worked on the jobs he had, instead he worked for free for his sister.. We have soooo many bills due for shut offs. He couldn't tell me where he was at or who he was with.. He got home at 10pm.. OMG if I did that!! I made a big dinner since the girls were home. I waited and waited for him. BUT NO... I was nervous he was going to get picked up again for drunk driving. So I was pacing back and forward, trying to keep busy...
His sister came inside when dropping him off and this is what she said to me.. She said that I call him stupid all the time, and I tell him that he's not going to amount to anything, and that I yell at him ALL the time!!! Plus he told them personal things between us!!!!!!!! She told me that when he gets home drunk just to ignore him! EXCUSE ME, ignore him how????? She said that ALL men are like that! EXCUSE ME AGAIN!!!! I just wanted to kick her [email protected]@ right than! She doesn't know what we have gone through with her special brother, and then to say deal with it by kissing his [email protected]@!!! BC ALL men are like that! I don't think so.

When she finally left, I did and would do it again, I YELLED AT HIM!! I couldn't believe he told them personal things and to outright LIE like that!! OMG.. I just wanted to go to the funny farm right than!!!! He just passed out. DARN!!!!

I went right to bed and locked the door... Got up and left for work. NO BYE< NO SEE YOU LATER.. I find myself wanting to cry, I have lived my whole life pleasing people. I have realized I have to please myself first NOW>>> But it doesn't stop me from getting upset.. I want to just kick him out, but now I can't due to these enormous bills due RIGHT NOW. I want to use him for 3 months! ha,, does that sound bad?? I hope so, cause he has done that to me for how many years? I want to put money aside before I do anything. I will try my beat to keep my mouth SHUT and my thoughts of anger hidden. I did it for all these years, I'm sure these next few months won't hurt.

I will try to keep you posted, I said my share of complaining on here, I will no longer write such long posts... I just needed some advise on keeping it cool calm and collected when talking to him... I feel like his mother!!! I have become a woman that I am not proud of, because of the way I feel towards him, and the way I am NOT myself. I have lost my identity, and I want myself back.. Sorry for all this. I was just going crazy...

April 7, 2005
5:57 pm
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woundedspirit
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Its not "using" him per se...its HIS RESPONSIBILITY also to get those bills caught up. REalistically, if he were a man of honor, he should be helping catch those up even if you did kick him out since they are expenses incurred while he is living there. However, it doesnt sound like he IS a "man of honor". If he hasnt been paying them now, he definitely wouldnt if he was kicked out. If he stays...what are the odds he really will be helping get caught up? Are the odds really worth living with the stress he causes in the meantime? As for the sister...does she drink also? How sad for her to think that is normal and all men are that way so we woman have to just accept it! That sucks! Something is very wrong with that picture.

April 8, 2005
2:20 pm
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feelingused
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Woundedspirit

I know he would be a "Real" man IF he still helped with the bills he helped create when living here, BUT he's not... and I KNOW he wouldn't. He would let me know though, how much money he could and can make under the table to get away from child support also! Well I mean he would purposely give the girls money in their hand instead of mine. Just so I would freak on the bill payments without him!!

Yeah, his sister told me to just deal with his drinking. All men are the same when acting like idiots while drinking!! She also said that he was treated badly by his parents, so "I" need to be NICER to HIM when he got home. His selfestem is really low because of it! OMG!!

Mind you, she got a divorse from her first husband, because she messed around on him. And even left her kids for awhile.. BUT she's an in-law, they do NO wrong, its always "us", they come into the family! What ever. I know she was wrong, but what could I say?.. She dosen't drink, the sisters never really do, only "the men".. Spanish trate I guess... I'm just a white girl that don't know how to live by their rules!!! His mom has even told her sons, they need to find a good spanish girl! to stop bringing home the white girls!! OMG.

Little by little every day I'm feeling stronger due to this site! I really needed to come by this site long ago, I probably would of been out of my prison already! Its just nice to know that I am NOT crazy, and that I do have the right to be loved correctly. Someday Someday! Maybe My prince will come??

April 8, 2005
2:28 pm
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D dog
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September 24, 2010
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Feelingused -

It's great when people of any background are proud of their heritage - but when that heritage seeks to repress your own - get out, not meant to be. If he wants someone to put up with his s**t, fine - don't feel like you should, ever. If he has "issues" from his past - hey, that's cool, too - but he will never be a "complete partner" if he doesn't deal with it on his own...I mean, does he bring ANYTHING to the relationship? Doesn't sound like it.

You are NOT crazy! You are being your own person, and by doing that, you will eventually draw the right people to you.

((HUGS))

April 9, 2005
10:13 am
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feelingused
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D-Dog

I sat and thought real hard on "What does he bring to this marriage".. I sat and sat in silence! I felt sick to my stomach, BC after ALL these years I gave to him, the loss of ALL my friends, not EVER being able to go out with even my sisters EVER, or not even being able to take care of my dieing Mom without being tormented by him.. I couldn't think of anything other than, "Gee, he's been the ONLY guy that has touched me!!"OMG.. and sometimes when he gets work during the summer months he's able to buy and pay for things, that we want or need. He's not stingy to the girls. He does tell me to get what I need, if we have the money. Other than that NOTHING..

Theres no affection from him, other than if he knows he's going to get something.. Which I have pushed him away alot lately, which also brings his accusations of messing around on him!! oh, that really puts me in the mood to have sex with his [email protected]@!! I don't think so!.. We don't talk, other than me trying to pull things out of him, on why or how or what he's feeling! Even than he can't and won't communicate with me, he just sits there and glares at me or rolls his eyes. Its not that I'm even yelling or screaming either, I sit there infront of him and beg him to let me in his brain of thoughts..

I've gotten stronger these past few weeks. BIG time.. I've learned to not take his crap, especially his MEAN and hateful things he says to me. Or his accusations, I have learned to laugh about it. Sure it pisses me off when he does say the things, but now I don't let it get to me.. I hurt, I hurt big time inside, and probably will always, until I can end this relationship of abuse and clear my mind.

Our girls are of age where they just leave to go to friends houses to get away. or they know its NOT right for a man to be this way. Something my Mom never told me or even brought it up in conversation. I do have a great relationship with my girls. Thats what he brought to this marraige. I have to get a backbone to finally end this, but I'm afraid, and I don't know why!! It really makes me mad that I can't just say, "LEAVE TURKEY< LEAVE RIGHT NOW!! You will NO longer control ME".. Its always, After this or that I will leave him.. I find myself always coming up with new reasons to stay with him! The flowers are growing and the sun is shining finally in my life, and I'm breathing a sigh of releaf or knowing it WILL be soon! Thank You for listening to my crazy life once again... I have never belly ached so much to people. I've never been able to release my feelings.. I'm not allowed to go to couceling, for fear maybe they will tell me HE's wrong I'm sure... He's not home right now, so now is when I can visit this site.. Weekends are hard for me to get on here.

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