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?What is True love?
September 28, 2001
12:52 am
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child
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If all the physical factors of love were to be stripped away, ?What would be left?
Does anyone know what love, they have, for their wife or husband, is without sex? Are you able to see the difference?

September 28, 2001
10:02 am
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pill
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Well, all I can say is that sex is fun. When you get used to it with a person, what's left over is base for a lasting relationship. Guess love cannot be defined, except is like growing a garden ... You have to watch it, feed it, and remember to check on it... Love grows with nurturing and trust, bonding... The gardener brings it out of you with care and you bring it out of him with trust.

Hell, I really don't know... love is nice though.

September 28, 2001
10:57 am
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Cici
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Hmmm...a question of the ages.

Love is mutual respect, understanding, the ability to be selfless although not to the point of excess or of dorwning yourself. It feels soft and comfortable, like when you see your loved one at the end of a long day and they smile and hold you and you just feel like you're home. I don't associate "home" with a place or with a location, I associate it with my husband.

You feel love on lazy Sunday mornings, when you can lay in bed and wake up together and cuddle and talk and laugh and giggle and be fun and funny and serious and laugh and cry with one person. It's when you're driving in the car with them and you both belt out your tone-deaf tunes as if you were alone in the car.

Love happens with someone who knows you so intimately and personally that you have nothing to hide or hold back from them. Love is being able to sit in silence with that person and feel perfectly comfortable.

My Mom told me that young couples know lust, but they don't know love. She says love develops over the years, that deep, enduring love that helps you tolerate the crap and indulge in the wonderful.

I don't think love is that fun tickle you get inside when you see the person you like....it's deeper, stronger, like the roots of a huge tree, it digs into the darkest parts of your soul and sometimes that can be really bad, and sometimes that can be really wonderful.

September 30, 2001
4:17 pm
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child
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September 30, 2001
4:53 pm
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True love is not differentiating between one's own best interests and those of the beloved. It is experienced as a feeling of oneness with all things. As Cici points out this can often be difficult. The love affair that Mother Theresa of Calcutta had with the poorest of the poor was such a love. Yet it seems that such a love for all feeling beings, including the lower forms of life, is a prerequisite for a life well lived. It appears that we humans all have this capacity for giving and receiving love; only our ignorance stands in the way.

September 30, 2001
8:17 pm
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HELENB
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who on this earth knows what true love is?
all I know is that I smile last thing at night when I look at my husband and smile first thing in the morning when i wake up with him.
But in between we can row, shout and disagree.
Hey Cici,I totally agree with your comments of 28th.

September 30, 2001
9:36 pm
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Molly
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'gotta love you both Cici,and Tez, do truly believe love to be the test of time, and the grace of acceptance, the experience of knowing, and calling into our own awareness of being.That which is pleaseant or comforting to our own personal senses.

October 1, 2001
4:51 am
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goodie
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Hi Child,
God I'm such an incurable romantic I have to give u a little input!!
I have found that love makes me feel alive,it makes me happy sad,indifferent,mad crazy,hazy stupid,
sexy.......I could go on for ever!!
When I think of my partner I still get a warm feeling (although sometimes thats from anger!) inside me and I can't imagine life without him.He knows what makes me me and we seem to communicate telepathically sometimes.We have even had the same dream before which is soooo odd!!!
If you took sex out (please don't!)
we would be left with our love which is a strong,slow,pulsating love that has taken many years of laughter,sadness,tears and rowing to get where it is today.In the start of any relationship sex is usually fantastic as we experience lust for the new feeling,but as time grows so does our love.I would rather have love than lust.Yeah lust is great 2, but if u r with the right person that lust will grow into love which in my opinion is a much better feeling altogether.Its like u can have the lot-lust,love and a life together.

October 2, 2001
3:22 am
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suds
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True Love is not and never superficial. It is skin-deep. To love is to have the best interest of the beloved at heart. To always think of what is best for the other.Love is loving someone warts and all. Love is not just a nice feeling but one that can stand all storms,and challenges. love is a decision.I agree with pill..it's like a garden...you need to tend to it, go out of your way to work on the relationship.Love is acceptance, r-e-s-p-e-c-t (yes!),genuine concern.love energizes, rejuvenates, invigorates, inspires.
Love is not sex alone but sex should be done in love...with someone you love.
Love is loving one's self in order to love another. Love is passion. Love=Lust is a No NO. Love is in a child's eyes. Love is a mother's touch. Love is seen in God's mysterious ways....Ohhhhh LOVE...such a beautiful word....LOVE does make the world go round. MAY WE HAVE MORE AND MORE DOSES OF IT EVERYDAY!!!!!

October 2, 2001
5:25 am
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lost soul
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?What is True love?

I don't know what is love??? I have lost the feeling of love many years ago, that's why I have choosen my name as "lost soul" since the very first day I log on to this wonderful website.

I used to take love very seriously and to me "True Love" is something I cannot use word/words to describe it's definition.

But today, if someone is going to ask me "what is love" my answer is " I don't know & I don't believe in love"

I know I might be wrong. Others may have or know what is love but unfortunately not me.

Pardon me if you think I am wrong, I am just speaking from my mind.

October 2, 2001
6:03 am
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laalaa
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Lost Soul,
Thats really sad that you no longer feel there is such a thing as true love,(4 u anyway).Something pretty bad must have happened to make u feel this way. 🙁 U r missing so much, I bet u get really lonely sometimes?
I hate to think of someone being lonely,I suppose I just believe that there is someone 4 everyone.A soul mate,and I'm not being corny I really do believe that.I feel as though I found mine,it took a lot of losers to eventually find him! Don't give up though u never know what might be around the corner.U sound like a very deep person with a lot underneath waiting to be discovered.If u need a ear to listen, I'll be that ear.x x

October 2, 2001
2:38 pm
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Molly
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What about the sound of a baby laughing, the dog running to you wagging his tail, the beauty of the gardens at sunrise,watching lovers look into each others eyes. The tears at the airport with one departs or returns, the grand ma with child on her knee reading a book. People joining hands in a circle with joint intent. Its every where.

October 4, 2001
10:14 pm
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katemc
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But what if you love all the things of life but fear the love in a heterosexual realationship? I find great pleasure watching deer in the field,listening to my cats purr, a hug from a friend, a laugh with a co-worker, a favorite song on the radio, and telling those who are dear that "I love you" is an honest statement. I rarely leave my family,friends,and even co-workers, without telling them I love them. I know I could love the man I am seeing right now...but I fear it. Any input?????/

October 4, 2001
10:59 pm
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gingerleigh
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Be gentle with yourself, Katemc. When both you and he are ready, a loving relationship will develop. But, if it isn't right, timing or compatibility, it won't happen. Your fears and inability to let go emotionally are telling you that you still have some work to do.

Are you afraid to love because you feel like you might get abandoned after letting go? Did someone in your early life do this to you?

October 4, 2001
11:37 pm
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clb
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True love is knowing that you would die for that person just like God died for us. It is all encompassing. It is not sex. But when you make love with the one you truly love, it will be like two souls meshing together. You will know each other from the inside out. Love is trust and without trust you can not love. Love does think of the other first in about everything you do from grocery shopping (like would he like this) to would they like this or that better. You would never hurt the person you love intentionally! But hurts do happen. Love is also open communication between people. Love will tell you you are beautiful when you know you have never looked worse. Like right after giving birth for the third time!
True love will always be there when you need it. It will not run away, stay out late, stop off at the bar on the way home, cheat on you, or ignore you. You will be more important than the TV. True love you will come to understand what it is when you have children and love them unconditionally. That is True Love. Love problems and all, good and bad, thick or thin. But true love has to be given as well as received. It is not a one way street. If both parties do not feel it, it is not there. It is being best friends. No one will ever be more important than your true love. Of course this does not mean you give up yourself. Always love yourself. If you can love yourself and love your neighbor (spouse, friend or whatever) as you love yourself, you are on the right track. Respect the one you love. Respect yourself. Don't jump into bed for sex if you have not made the committment of marriage first. If it is true love, there will be no sex before marriage because then it would be just that SEX. Love is special and when you find it and feel it you will know. It will fill you with an overwhelming joy, joy that will make your heart sing in the storm, for you will see the beauty of love all around you all the time.

October 5, 2001
6:26 am
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suds
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I agree Molly (oct 2)!!!!

October 5, 2001
11:14 am
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Cici
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Weeeeelll, sad to say but the day-to-day doldrums of life can make it so that making love with your Love can be just as routine as doing the dishes or taking out the trash.

I'd compare it to a continuum. It's not like I ride the peak of ecstasy on a constant basis, and my soul is suffused with joy and delight at the first touch of my Love's fingers. I wish it was that easy.

It takes so much work, though, to push yourself out of the murky waters of self-focus and just Be when you are with someone. Those are the times of incomparable joy.

October 5, 2001
11:14 pm
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whychild
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Thank you for the insights..

October 6, 2001
12:55 am
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rckhor
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wht i know is LOVE means TRUST, if u don trust ur partner how could u love him/her...

Rc

August 30, 2006
9:59 pm
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lost soul. I think it's sad that you have stopped believing in love. I know what you mean, I think. Wish that you could find the love that would really be meaningful for you. I also hope the same for me. Some people say that only a personal relationship with their Higher Power can be experienced as love and nothing comes close to that relationship. I do not have either relationship. Do not feel loved.

August 31, 2006
8:34 am
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Juanita
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Some say that true love is the ability to love one's own self, and that love (without becoming egotistical) radiates from within... It is true ~ You have to love yourself first, and if you love yourself, you will be your own best friend.

August 31, 2006
9:18 pm
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Juanita. Wish I could love myself but I do not since I do not meet my own expectations.

August 31, 2006
9:33 pm
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Juanita
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So... what are your expectations?

Are they too high, or are you too hard on yourself?

If they are too high, or too hard, you set yourself up for failure before starting. Set reasonable goals - you can always expand upon your goals later. [For example, I can't bench press 200 lbs - that'd kill me! BUT, I can bench press 50... it's a start. Small thing you'd think - hating my arms - but that leads to further self-hate of my body image.... so I started an arm / chest work out plus some walking. Nothing huge, but it helps me & my self-image. This one small thing makes me a bit happier with myself & motivates me to do a little more...]

If your expectations are not too high, or too hard on yourself, what steps are you taking to meet them? ONE STEP is better that no steps. Take some small, reasonable, steps and be proud of those accomplishments... keep adding to them, however small they may be, you will eventually succeed.

Remember too, you are human. You will make mistakes, you will have set backs, but accept that & work thru it. Take pride in perserverance.

One friend recently told me I was being too hard on myself. That I have to accept there are some things I can change, and some things I can't. To accept those things that I can't, or am unable to change at this time. Work on those things that I can. Makes it not such a huge mountain to conquer all at once, ya know?

Baby steps!
You can do it...

Juanita

September 1, 2006
10:16 pm
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Juania. My expectations: Financially successful, loved by a man, wonderful career, etc. Same ideals I believe that everyone else wants. I can't decide which career to pursue at this time in my life. Angry at myself and at God for not showing me. I am frustrated, tired of waiting for love/being in a significant relationship, tired of life. I look at people that I admire, for example, women medical doctors. They seem to have it all. Wonderful career, prestige, money. They are happy and secure. People look up to these people. I don't have any of the above. I guess I am envious of their position in life.

September 1, 2006
11:29 pm
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Juanita
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I too am envious of those able to pick a career. Don't be so hard on yourself. Many people are just like you & I ~ we work to pay the bills. When/if you fall in love with a career, you will know it. For now, what do you like? Do you lean towards math & accounting, science & medical, or what? It is always more enjoyable to study something you like.

Don't forget "success" can be simply defined as having enough money to pay your bills & having a little extra in the bank. You don't have to be rich to be happy or content.

Love? Well, it will come when you least expect it. When you look for it, it is elusive. I think Love gets a kick out of surprising you. It is most apt to happen when you are just living & enjoying life as is. If you have a hard time meeting people, have you tried on-line dating? I'm sure if you start a thread on that topic, you'll get a bunch of input from people who've tried it. I haven't, but all I'd say is be careful if you do ~ meet in neutral places until you get to know one another & don't give out all your info at once...

I think many people feel the same frustrations as you do ~ so you are not alone. Try to find something to do to make yourself happier ~ be it a hobby, exercise, a class ... whatever it may be. If you are doing something that makes you happy, or makes you feel like you are working towards a goal ~ that happiness will continue into other aspects of your life & broaden & expand all on its own.

Take it easy & try not to be so hard on yourself. Depression & worrying will make you miss out on some nice things about life. Try focusing on the positives you already have, set some short terms goals, and do something to achieve them. It will help. No matter how small you think the goal is, if you accomplish it, you will feel better... and then can set another one to head for.

As my co-worker always tells me:

BETTER DAYS ARE AHEAD!

Keep a smile on. It WILL get better! Think positive.

Juanita

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