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What is the magic number??
February 23, 2005
1:42 pm
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Cici
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September 24, 2010
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Hrm.

Day 53 of No Contact.

And I still think about him occassionally, but mostly with bitterness and vitriol. I vascillate between hating him and oddly wondering if he thinks about me, or if he thinks more about the girl he dated for 2 months before he got locked up.

Does she go to see him in jail? Has he heard the sentance he faces for what he did to me and my friend? Does he care? Do you think she made that fake committment women sometimes do where they say they will be there when he gets out? He will be almost 40 when he gets out!

It's illegal for him to contact me anyways, that would be yet a THIRD charge of tampering with a witness, but I still wonder. Sometimes I even think about visiting him in prison after he gets sentanced just to say "in your face, you SOB. Suck it!! Oh, that's right, you'll be in prison for the next 10 years so you'll be doing that a lot." But I have that restraining order against him that is supposed to be in effect for the rest of our lives, and it can only be undone by court order.

My friend asked me if I would ever get to the point where thinking about him wouldn't inspire the strong emotions that it does for me - where I could just be neutral. At the time I said I don't think there will ever be a point where I am completely neutral. I think I will always be violently angry at that man.

February 23, 2005
2:07 pm
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art angel
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September 30, 2010
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Cici-

I feel like you do, with that violent anger/wondering if he's missing me type of feeling everytime I think about my ex. I still have strong emotions tied to our memories, I don't know if that will change for a long time. I think until I find someone better/ or just someone to be in a healthy loving relationship with and I'm head over heels for, then I will always have those strong emotions. Good job on the no contact! I"m here for you.

much love and support,

art angel

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