Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
What is she thinking?
February 20, 2007
5:16 pm
Avatar
Antagonist
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Please give me some of your oppinions since I am at wits end thinking about this.

My girlfriend and I broke up on January 19th. It was a very bitter break up. Some of you might remember details about it. Anyways on February 18th (a few days ago) she randomly calls me and straight up asks me "wanna f**k?"

I am completely shocked and appalled with this behavior. It actually hurts knowing that she has gone down this path. I asked her a few times why the hell is she calling me and she just said that she is horny and with past experience she knows that im good and know how to have sex.

She kept saying how there will be no strings attached and we can just have some fun... Anyways I fought it off for the night (she called a bunch of times and even drove to my house). The next day I called her telling her that she is really hurting me and I don't appriciate it. In the end she said that I have issues and I need to grow up.

She asked me to put my emotions about the past aside and just get together whenever we feel the urge to have sex. I told her I can't answer her and I need time to think about it. I haven't called her since then. She did call me last night which I did not answer. After that she sent a text saying "Just seeing whats up". I did not answer the text either.

Please people tell me if I am over reacting over this or does she have some problems? I don't want to have sex with a girl that I am not in a relationship...she is going to just use me.

February 20, 2007
5:20 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

if you don't want to don't do it. It seems to me that you are being the mature one here.

I'm not sure if she has a problem or not but you don't.

February 20, 2007
5:25 pm
Avatar
student1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know what she is doing. She has issues you are right about that. When a girl has self esteem issues she will do anything for attention. She wants to be in your life even if that means she is just a booty call. She has a void like I do. And she is searching for some way...any way to fill it. She thinks that this might fix it, but it won't. She'll just feel more empty. Be a good friend. Write her a letter and tell her all the good things you found in her. Work it out that way if that is what you want. If not just offer her kind words and good advise like you are seeking here.

-student1

February 21, 2007
1:41 am
Avatar
Antagonist
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well student1

I highly doubt she is doing this just because of a void. She keeps saying how she is content with being single and does not want to get in a relationships or even get back with me. If she had a void she would probably say lets get back together.

February 21, 2007
4:28 am
Avatar
scyllamessina
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sex is a dangerous thing. We can think we can separate it from our emotions, and some people can. If you are on this board, you probably aren't one of those people. Don't do it. You will regret it, and it will mess you up inside. I know we all have urges, but this does not sound healthy. In cases like these, it doesn't hurt to take the "do it yourself" approach. It doesn't feel as good, but afterwards it doesn't cause all that emotional turmoil.

February 21, 2007
4:46 am
Avatar
LA Rosa
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It sounds as though, and this is just what I can see as her ulterior motive, that she wants to get you to do this so she can feel better about herself... by bringing you down to her level. It's a cheap shot at trying to discredit you. Don't even think about it, as it's got bad news written all over it.

February 21, 2007
6:35 am
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Don't mess with this chick. She has hurt you, most likely she will hurt you again. Sex might be a means for her to get what she wants, her needs met for the moment but ultimately it will end up confusing you and dragging you down or dragging her back in your life even if you do have feelings for her. Just because you might still love her doesn't mean she is healthy for you. I personally think it is sad for her to stoop so love by using you this way and then has the nerve to blame you for her own problems such as being emotionally void. Let her be to do her own thing and you do yours. You deserve better than a void girlfriend. Just think of things in the long term, and not the short term and you know it is not good to go there again.

February 21, 2007
7:28 am
Avatar
Antagonist
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I wish I could just find out and understand what is going on in her head. I honestly care about her so much, I don't know why she has brought her self down to this point. I am honestly a wreck over this. I was her first and she never had sex with anyone else before me, and now I am blaming myself for this behavior. Sad butI keep thinking that if I wouldn't have sex with her from the beginning this would have not happened.

-scyllamessina
I understand the points you have stated. It's gotten to a point where I keep telling myself that sex is triggered by a chemical in my brain and I have control over my brain so I can control the fact of wanting or not wanting sex. It's pretty wierd I know but I am working on this to keep myself out of trouble. Also about the "do it yourself" approach you mentioned... I told her straight up when she had the conversation with me. I told her that maybe she can do something herself to satisfy her needs but she just kept saying how "it's not as good". I even said why don't you find another guy and she said she doesn't want another relationship, she just wants me.

-taj64
You are right, she is pretty hurtful when it comes to me. No matter what approach I take to mention to her that what she is doing is incorrect and she should reconsider (in general not just on this sex topic) she thinks I am trying to blame her for something and she becomes defensive and says pretty hurtful things. Ironic how the day we broke up she yelled and cursed at me and said how she doesn't like me and blah blah and yet the night she calls for sex she says how she likes me so much blah blah blah. I've been trying to stay away from her at all costs. Somewhat sad that I take a different route to school now and park in a different parking lot in an attempt not to bump into her LOL. Sad I know.

Anyways, I hope since I did not call her back she will just leave me be. Would she call or try to get in touch with me again?

February 21, 2007
9:15 am
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

She's saying all the right things to keep you interested and now that she has your full attention, part of her goals are accomplished. The next phase will be you giving in to her and beginning an unhealthy relationship with someone who states they don't want a relationship just sex. She is emotionally unavailable to you right now and you are an emotional person who wants a real loving and emotional relationship.

It doesn't matter what's going on in her head, it doesn't matter why she is doing this because the real focus here should be you not her.

Now that she has gotten your full attention, where do you see this going? Do you see this as a way to get back together with her even though she has told you that's not what she wants? Do you think you can fix her or help her with this decision she is telling you she's made? For someone who's never had sex with anyone else and doesn't want a relationship with you sounds too convenient. Could be she is getting her self esteem lifted by your interest in all this and by your reaction of attempting to talk her out of the "just sex thing".

I think the no contact worked pretty well for you this past month and now that you are back in contact with her, your life is again becoming emotionally stressful. If you really don't want to be involved with her or her schemes for who cares for what ever reason, then be done with her, tell her that and make it firm and stick to it. Other wise you will always be the voice on the other end of the phone call when she changes directions.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

February 21, 2007
12:16 pm
Avatar
student1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

alatose-That was really great advise.

antagonist- alatose made some really great points. There are two kinds of attention a person can give and recieve. Good attention, and, bad attention. If good behavior is rewarded with good attention a person stays content, if bad behavior is rewarded with good attention then of course a person will continue to seek it. She is dispalying bad behavior and recieving good attention from you because you care. She is really messed up right now, her self eteem is shot and right now she is showing no self worth. She might feel that because she is no longer a virgen sex is something of little importance.

I remember when I was a young girl about 13, I was always so lonley, when I began to drink my friends bacame concerned. I liked the attention so I began to drink more and more. And even when I was not drinking I would tell my friends that I was planning on drinking so that they would try nd talk me out of it, or they would babysit me so that I wouldn't. One time I hadn't even been drinking, but when I seen one of my good friends I lied and said I was. -

I should post that on the confession thread -:)

February 21, 2007
3:22 pm
Avatar
Antagonist
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for the input alatose.

student1-

I don't know if you have read up on the past information I posted regarding this girl. During summer she decided to break up with me and with in a week she got with my bestfriend. Apparently a month before her break up with me my bestfriend was talking to her convincing and manipulating her into it. Anyways I was stupid enough to give into her and let her talk me back into getting back together. I won't go into details but I ended up getting back with her a few months after that.

The reason I joined this forum was to figure out why can't I just get away from this girl. I mean even a monkey would stop touching a hot stove after the third time..I guess I am so stupid that I can't just get away.

I think I care about her but yet I don't know if I have a problem... I am an emotional clusterfuck (pardon my french) and can't decide what's correct and incorrect.

Anyways, I think I am just going to go back to my no contact routine and hopefully over time get her out of my head. I just hope she will stay out of my life and won't decide to get with any of my other friends to somehow drag me back into her life. I did all I can and it has come down to this it seems. Tell me if I am incorrect please.

February 21, 2007
3:43 pm
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It's not called being dragged back into - when you are a willing participant.
You need to chose to not participate in her nonsense anymore.
You need to make it clear, perfectly clear that you want no further contact with her.
Up until this point, she's calling the plays. Today it's this way tomorrow is that way. And it ups to you and only you if you stay in that game or not.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

February 21, 2007
4:00 pm
Avatar
student1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Antagonist-
Well, that makes more sense. You need to pull the plug. Stop talking to her, your friends don't seem like much friends have you ever thought about pulling yourself out of that circle? I remember pulling myself out of a circle once it was really hard because I knew them so well and we kicked it all the time, however, I grew up and they didn't. I had to find a new circle. I didn't look at it that way then, but I can see it now. Do you have other hobbies that don't involve that circle? Explore, your city, network, there are plenty of other interesting people just like you that are much more loyal than the friends you are hanging with now. She will continue to bother you as long as you allow her to. As far as getting over her, man...that's a hard question to answer...How does someone get over someone they truely care about???... All's I can say is, out of sight, out of mind.
-student1

February 21, 2007
4:49 pm
Avatar
nappy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Antagonist, I don't think there is anything wrong with her. She is just acting like some of these girls of now of days. They are more feely to express what they want and will do anything to get it.

To me some of these womens are acting just like mens. She wants to have sex and she pick you. She has been with you before and she probably feel like she don't have to work so hard for getting what she want because she has already had it before.

She seem to me like, once she get it then she will be gone until she feel the urge again to have sex. It is only when she finds someone that she truly want to have sex with and only him, but right now she picks you and it is really up to you if you want to or not.

You don't have to have sex with her just because she is asking. It is either yes or no. She probably would be happy if you said yes and if you say no then she probably will get mad and move on, but she will continue to try her luck every once and awhile.

February 21, 2007
5:28 pm
Avatar
Antagonist
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

That's trully sad...

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
26
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110978
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714262
Newest Members:
brianwolfe, swright, nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information