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What is real?
December 1, 2001
3:32 pm
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artist 2
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My ex boyfriend accused me once of being a phony because I like to buy clothes new and other things with my money. he of course has no money to spend. I admire people like that and wish I could get by on less money and not want things. I feel like when I buy things I'm becoming more fake every time. That eventually all I will be or mean will be are the clothes I've bought, the cd's, and everything else. Me, my soul feels like nothing. I do feel like a phony. If I could be poor and do without this job I hate, I wouldn't have to buy clothes to make myself feel better - to poor people it doesn't matter. What matters are things that are real. Help me. I don't want to be a phony, but am stuck in this job that pays a lot and I can buy things with the money. I wish I could give all the money away, but I always find things to buy for myself. How do I become REAL How do I become a person who doesn't have to have clothes or things?

It seemed when he and I were together that I felt real. I felt I coudl do without things. Now I retreat into the comfort that my money brings me. I HATE THIS and myself for finding satisfaction in this. I feel like some meaningless shell and crave being with him again so I can feel in touch with reality. It's almost as if his hitting me brought me even closer to reality. This sounds really sick, I know-finding something good in his abuse, but it's true.

I seem to graivtate toward people who have had it rough because I have too. I feel more in touch with myself when around them.

Again just looking for any feedback or advice. Those of you who know my story won't find this post surprising or very interesting.

December 1, 2001
5:53 pm
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ms. T
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What is fake or phony about rewarding yourself with things you like after you've earned the money? It's okay to do that. Obviously, you still have your heart in the right place, because you realize that those things are superficial, but a little superficial love for yourself isn't a bad thing as long as you know what really counts when it comes down to it. It is really easy to fall into the trap of feeling guilty for having things when you're around those who don't, but you must also consider the fact that people make choices in most cases that put them where they are. They choose to quit school, or they choose to have many children, or they choose to practice unsafe sex and end up with children unexpectedly, or they choose to spend money on other things. There are many people out there who don't value appearance or even good grooming, but that doesn't mean they have some great insight that you don't. People just make different choices and have different values. I realize that there are surely exceptions to this and that some people will think it cold of me to say these things, but I have been someone who lived with guilt over having nice things and being able to travel when others in my family could not, but over time, I let go of the guilt and realized that my family members made choices that kept them from being able to do those things, and that I couldn't better their lives by depriving myself of good things when I work hard to have them.

December 1, 2001
6:16 pm
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Thank you for answering my post. I feel better about it. True, just because he doesn't have anything - by hiw own choice - doesn't mean he will gain some wisdom or insight that I cannot have because I have a job and pay my bills. I can see now that he's playing a game with that. Many people, including myself will fall into the trap of thinking what a "holy man" he is for making such sacrifices. It makes people want to give him things and give him money to further his "holy war" against shallowness. People feel like they get some kind of clue and perhaps they actually do get a glimpse of freedom from their every day lives. It's men like him that prey on people like me and those who feel their lives are boring and unfulfilled.

December 1, 2001
6:59 pm
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I'm glad I could help in some way. I know it is hard to get used to having things if you haven't before. As long as you feel grateful for what you have, there's nothing phony about wanting to have things that make your life more comfortable for you. My friends and I have adopted a new motto: "What about me?" The best thing is that I can now say it and not feel selfish or guilty about it. After all, if I don't take care of myself, who really will? Who better than me knows exactly what I need? We all work hard and deserve a treat every day!

December 2, 2001
1:16 am
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gypsygirl
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send some my way. will put it to good use I promise.

December 2, 2001
9:35 am
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To poor people it doesn't matter?Come again???
All people -poor and rich spend way too much time thinking about money--the more money you have or don't--the more money you need. And then there is jeoulosy because some people may have more than you. I've been REALLY poor--living on the street, no where to live-- and all I thought about was money. Never been really rich but that's in my plan 🙂 but I am sure--being human--there will always be something that I can't afford.
Anyway, I don't think that money is really the issue here-- I think that it's your own lack of contentment and a negative person in your life feeding you a load of manure about how you should be happy without money--well--you should--but not for the reasons Mr. Rain On Your Parade says. AND YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY WITH IT, TOO!!
You should treat yourself to presents--if you have disposable income--pamper yourself--you deserve it--you worked for it.
The happiness is separate from the money, dig?
Artist:)

December 2, 2001
9:41 am
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Cool... I like what you all said. Thanks!

December 3, 2001
2:03 pm
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Molly
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Artist, I had done my share of immediate gratification with the things routine. Its sorta where your at, I think. Where I am living now, all there is, is malls, discount outlets, and real close to LA,garmet district. There is something about getting a pair of Cole Hahn shoes that were $145 for only $32 know what I mean? I am giving up my secerets here, butttttttttt what I want to point out is.........
When I moved up to San Luis Obispo, there was none of the familiar shops, far less discount stores, and every one did have alot less. I was embarressed with a heafty bag of black shoes, more than I am sure an entire block of women owned, but it was the envionment that I left that dictated what I did with my time and money. Up there we had parties and get togethers, we had full moon celebrations, new bands to hear, dancing and pot lucks. We went to the fishing boats, and the Farmers Markets, we took time cooking dinners, and most of the time, no one gave a damn about what they wore, makeup or hair, or nails or shoes, it was the tide, the weather, the seals, the tourists, and the opportunities to get together. DUH, I miss it.
The people who had money just owned their houses where they wanted to be.
Now that I am here again, I spend so much on hair, and still can't get a good hair cut, quit after the first few months of artificial nails, and get a hard time about it from the other women, refuse to wear nylons if I don't have to, and try not to go shopping, but if I didn't what would I do for getting out with others. So, if your feeling cluttered, just don't buy, and focus on a goal that you must save for. If you enjoy what you buy, and you can, where is the phoney stuff???????????????? quit listening to the crap he put in your head, that was for his own agenda and had nothing to do with you. Sybil used to put me on a guilt trip with the kids, stating that his were happy with a trip to Disney land, and mine wanted to go to Maui, just different exposures, different economic backgrounds, my kids have seen the world and are hungry for more,and refuse to come back to the BF Egypt that I live in, and his kids are still excited to go to Disney land, which of course Daddy still is paying for, did I just vent, or ramble on your subject?????????????????

December 3, 2001
2:07 pm
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artist 2
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It's alright. I like hearing your perspective. Good things. Thanks.

December 7, 2001
10:10 am
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artist 2
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What about panties from Victoria's Secret?

December 7, 2001
10:23 am
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gypsygirl
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What about my strap on that santa is supposted to bring me?

December 7, 2001
10:28 am
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gypsygirl
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I even sat on santa's lap and told him what a good girl I have been this year!!! 8-> (tilt head to the right)

December 7, 2001
10:36 am
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OOOOO Santa, what is that I feel? Are you getting excited about the present I want? OH you must be cause I can feel it pulsating against my bottom... what do you say to coming over to my house and i'll show you how to really go down on a chimney!! You like that idea? dont worry santa I will even sing your faveorite song
ready? here goes....... You better not shout you better not cry cause sants clause is cumming on me!!!!!!!!!

(my apoligies I cant help myself)

December 7, 2001
10:37 am
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It's Friday, what can ya say?

December 7, 2001
10:48 am
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December 7, 2001
10:53 am
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gypsygirl
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oh sorry hit the wrong button.......

it is santa's fault not mine!!!

December 7, 2001
1:43 pm
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Molly
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You can get the panties, but must have matching bra, must. Watch that santa, most of them are perverts. But must be better than one of the elves.

December 8, 2001
1:55 am
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When they go down on you they don't have far to go!

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