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What is it after over 2 weeks we need to write a letter
February 21, 2006
7:22 pm
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elizabeth anne
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I have now seen two threads after almost 3 weeks that one needs to write a letter for closure. It has been 16 days NC and sure it hurts, but what do you expect from these letters?? A response? a way to move on? Is this the time line when you just feel can we reconcille or is it really over? I know the withdrawals are overwhelming. Is this really the way to move on? Personally for me, I too would like to make closure, but if I put myself out there to contact him again, am I going to set myself up for more hurt again??

I left the relationship in a very angry matter. He hurt me and he needed to know how it affected me. He saw a side of me he NEVER saw before, but I did not care at that time because he needed to know I was not going to be disrespected. Perhaps now he is scared and ashamed at what I said. But the truth hurts sometimes and perhaps he will learn from it.

I felt justified in my anger, but at the same time being co-dependent I can to a certain degree understand wanting them to know I feel guilty for doing what I did and how can I make it better. I am owning up to my anger and will not take it back for the first time. He will have to face it on his own now!!!

February 21, 2006
8:06 pm
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gingerleigh
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We all process heartbreak in different ways. There are many stages and faces of grief, including anger, sadness, denial and bargaining. In a way, letter writing could be used as a bargaining tool... "if I just say what is really on my mind, then I'll be able to let go, or maybe he'll change!" Some people spend longer in certain stages than others. Some people spend years writing letters to their exes. Some never feel more than a faint twinge to pick up a pen.

Different strokes for different folks is really all I'm saying.

February 21, 2006
8:10 pm
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whidbey
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I wrote my e-mail to my ex before knowing about NPD. Now I realize it was wasted time. I think everyone wants closure of some sort. Unfortunately, with an NPD, there IS no closure, ever. Now I know this. I didn't then. I've had other break-ups that were fairly healthy. Discussion was had, and we parted ways. My last experience was different on so many levels, I can't even begin to count.

February 21, 2006
9:43 pm
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taj64
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Whidbey has a point. So many people out there who love someone, they don't really want to lose them but they have to. Unhealthy relationships are the hardest ones to get out of and why is such a mystery to me. Im not so sure it is closure that is wanted. I think a lot of it is to try to make the pain go away or some kind of peace. Sometimes writing these feelings out is a cry for help or simply a way to forgive the person or forgive the self. 2 weeks is not really a very long time for a person to heal at least not me. I need months and at least in this case maybe years. Everyone heals at their own pace.

February 22, 2006
12:07 am
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sunshinetrisha
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i seem to get over someone by being with someone else. not right away of course. but then it's the same. i don't want that anymore. there was a time i was happy with myself. i accually loved me. it was a great time. i felt on top of the world. a single working girl had life by the a**. but it didn't last. these kind of men can spot us a mile away. we are easy prey. i have wrote letters, i even made a cd today and left it for him. well someone tell me what npd is. i am bipolar they say. i know i am codependent and manic depressive.
i wish i had words of wisdom but i am sstill a screw up. sorry

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