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What is co-dependancy please??
September 28, 2001
6:50 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Hi! I was just wondering -because so many people are talking about it and i want to no if this is me! What is co-dependancy? is it when u have a dependancy on a counsellor? i really rely on my counsellor and want to know if this is co-dependancy. hope u can help.

September 28, 2001
7:53 am
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shades
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Well relying on your conselor is one thing but if you feel a need to be with the conselor all the time and it is unhealthy that is not good. you can have a co-dependcy on anyone . For most of us it is in a relationship. It is when you lose a part of yourself and give into all his/her needs and not take care of yourself. Well thats my def. don't know if it is exactly right. good luck

September 28, 2001
7:55 am
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shades
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oh yeah you should look under the thread that says co-dependency with conselor that might help

September 28, 2001
1:03 pm
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Tinkerbe11
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thanx shades thats really helped

September 28, 2001
2:04 pm
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Anonymous
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WHEN YOU LOVE SOME ONE WHO TREATS YOU LIKE SH*& AND YOU TAKE IT BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT TO LOSE HIS "LOVE"

September 28, 2001
5:10 pm
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shades
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no problem, take care

September 29, 2001
3:33 pm
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wallace
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Tinkerbe11, that's me! I guess I must be suffering from co-dependancy too.

September 30, 2001
10:15 am
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Tinkerbe11
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wallace-tell me more.u have dependancy on your counsellor? have u read counselling dependancy2? its good

October 1, 2001
12:25 am
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Anonymous
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If anyone has questions about co-dependency, please think about buying a boof called: CODEPENDENCY NO MORE & BEYOND CODEPENDENCY by: Melody Beattie
It was very informative for me.

October 1, 2001
6:25 am
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wallace
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Tinkerbe11, I'm not co-dependant on a counsellor, but on a guy I like who treats me like s**t and 'cos I like him so much, I put up with it 'cos in my mind, it's better than not having him at all.

October 2, 2001
2:28 pm
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Molly
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That kind of dependency I believe comes from insecurity, bad love is better than no love. Its stemming from a possible lack of self confidence, self love, and independent thinking. Even dogs beaten know to run away. We women are going through a growth spurt, we are confused, and looking for mates under all the wrong conditions, cute good job, nice care, lots of affection yada yada yada. We need to grow up and discover who we are before we start to date far less get intimate with some one. Look at his family how does mom and dad interact, does he have the same values as me, do I know what my values are, where is he going to be in 5 years, do I know what I want, marriage, and relationships really boil down to a good business relationship, and before we drop our drawers, we should look at him like a business merger.
It is so much easier to find a worthy match when we are worthy, when we know for sure who we are, and what we want, and know that we can get it on our own. The white knight is dead. For the most part women killed him, not all the guys fault, but it is the womens fault for allowing all these flakey guys to continue their behavior.

October 5, 2001
9:43 pm
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SuzyQ
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Molly,
The way you put this is so appropriate-yet cracks me up!

Tinkerbe11:
I know I have talked with you on another thread. Codependency for me is more of a need to be needed by others. If others don't need me, I don't exist. OK, I'm being a little dramatic, but trying to explain it. I have always considered myself relatively independent, I was the oldest child, my parents counted on me and didn't really pay a lot of attention after the others came along. I spent a lot of time alone in my room. However, it became apparent to me that if I didn't watch the others when they wanted me to and be the "little adult" that they needed me to be, I felt like I was worthless. I was not allowed to show anger and would try to hide tears. I sought out their approval rather than trying to seek out what my own approval of myself was. I have learned to be assertive and proud since then but the journey is still on. :):):)

October 5, 2001
9:56 pm
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Anonymous
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WHEN YOU GROW UP IN A FAMILY WHERE YOU DO NOT EXPERIENCE INTIMACY OR LOVE THEN YOU GO OUT INTO THE WORLD EMPTY AND NOT KNOWING WHAT IT IS SO YOU SETTLE FOR RELATIONSHIPS THAT MIRROR THE RELATIONSHIPS IN YOUR FAMILY OF ORIGIN - I.E. NO INTIMACY - NO LOVE.
IT SUCKS, BUT IT TAKES YEARS TO LEARN AND GROW INTO SOMEONE WHO IS NOT ONLY EMPTY BUT FEELS GOOD WHEN SHE IS ALONE AND THEN TO DETERMINE THAT THE MAN SHE MAY BE WITH AND MAY HAVE CHILDREN WITH DOES NOT EXPRESS LOVE OR INTIMACY. ITS KIND OF LIKE EXPECTING A COLOR BLIND PERSON TO IDENTIFY RED ( THE COLOR OF LOVE )
TEARS...

October 6, 2001
10:20 am
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Tinkerbe11
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Thanx alot SuzyQ and Skye:). I kinda understand now.

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