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What if ???? What if I never find a full time job???
May 30, 2002
2:25 am
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Utahgirl
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As many of you know from my prior posts on this board, I have been looking for a job off and on for 6 years 2,190 days. A life time in my mind. A nightmare!!! I have a part-time job but I need to make more then 800.00 dollars a month before taxes. I want to work on finding a full-time job but the What if question is continalyy present in my mind but I become obsessive about the problem and the anxiety is sometimes unbearable for me. I guess I'm looking for suggestion of how to become less anxious so I can move forward without the constant thought of what if God never allows me to find a full time job??

May 30, 2002
2:30 am
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gypsygirl
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Sort of like the girl that always is looking for a mate, she wont find him till she quits looking. He comes to her, not vice versa. God will provide you with one when you are ready. Perhaps he has something else in mind for you right now. Relax and reap the rewards in your present job.

May 30, 2002
2:35 am
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UK Polly
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What if??? Could you work from home? What do you do? What are your skills? What is your training? Tell us what you can do and we'll try to work out some suggestions. Things are a bit different here in the UK but maybe we can storm the world between us? Please don't lose heart! Hugs

May 30, 2002
2:38 am
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Utahgirl
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I'm was ready I think five in an half years ago. I'm tired of crying and yelling and worring and going in circles.

May 30, 2002
2:44 am
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gypsygirl
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Sometimes what we want and what God has in store for us are two different things. Be thankful that you have the part time job. when you put out nervous energy that is what comes back. Find ways to relax and pray for peace of mind, then maybe your luck will change. Maybe you are in the wrong field? Maybe this is his way of telling you that Utah is needed somewhere slse. Ask him where you need to be. just plan out ask him. He does answer. Not always what we want to hear, but he does answer. Love you Utah.

May 30, 2002
5:47 am
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UK Polly
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Firstly, stop worrying. Analyse it. Worry is going to give you white hair and wrinkles. What else is it going to do? Work out what you CAN do and do something about it. What you can't do, you can't do.

Secondly, stop crying. It's going to give you red eyes, blotchy skin and a runny nose. Dry your eyes, wash your face and smile at yourself in the mirror. You are loved, you're pretty and you're capable. That's nothing to cry about.

Thirdly, get a pen and a pad. Make a line down the middle of the page. At the top on one side, write FOR: on the other write AGAINST. Then start listing your good points and your bad points. Write down the things you can do and DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT! If you've been running the house for your mum, remembering the laundry, shopping, cooking and so on, this is MANAGEMENT! - and you've got some experience of it.

Fourthly, try to be objective about this. If you can treat this like a situation you need to analyse and solve so you can find a solution, you will be stronger and better able to find that solution. If you remain subjective you will be burdened by this and continue running around in circles which really isn't going to help.

Lastly, when you've started this, please answer my questions! What can you do, what is your training? There are some very clear thinkers here who will be reading what you write and you will get input. There will be suggestions that you don't like, can't do, wouldn't consider, but there may well also be good ideas that you CAN do, or could develop into something else.

You are very obviously bright and articulate and I think God will help you, BUT YOU HAVE TO HELP YOURSELF FIRST! So please, Utahgirl, tell me more about you. Try and be positive because this will help you more. If you want to feel sorry for yourself, try and limit it to 15 minutes and a cup of coffee! Then try to switch it off (difficult but comes with practise) and get back to your more positive frame of mind. Lots of hugs to get you going with your lists!

May 31, 2002
8:17 pm
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toffee
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HEY GUESS WHAT, YOUR "WHAT IF" THINKING IS RUINING YOUR LIFE. I KNOW IT DID FOR ME....NO MORE "WHAT IFS" WHICH CREATES ANXIETY AND FREEZES YOU FROM ACCOMPLISHING YOUR GOALS..IT ALSO CREATES NEGATIVE OBSSESSION THAT CREATES NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES, THAT WHICH YOU FEAR MOST..UNEMPLOYMENT.
Read the power of positive thinking by NOrman Vincent Peale and report back to me..heh

May 31, 2002
11:02 pm
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SuzyQ
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Hey Utah Girl,
I agree with everyone on here. I know it's tough. I'm spoiled b/c I work at a school and am off for the summer, but still the $ isn't all that great. I have to pay some bills and want to work a few jobs this summer to catch up (even though the school is paying me). I actually had some potential opportunities that I didn't explore that were more lucrative (b/c of stress and contracting + I did that route last summer). However, I did set some goals for myself and things are falling into place. The key is really setting goals. Most of the clients I work with (ages 13-19). don't want to hear about that, but personal goals and even small objectives can help the situation. I know personally that depression can really make this whole process difficult. Try working on things one step at a time. Good Luck and Take Care!

June 1, 2002
9:02 am
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eve
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Hi Utah!

relax, I'm sure that you will find what you need, eventually. If you are looking for a job for six years now, then you should think about this phrase: *if you try what you always tried, you'll get what you always got*. I don't think its any use to try the same thing harder, the result will be no different, only you'll hurt more.

But I also think that first and foremost you'll have to find any idea of where you want to be going.
From your previous posts I gather that your next goal is to get enough money to move out from at home and to make a living for yourself. You don't really need a full time job to sustain yourself. You could also combine two or three part time jobs, or live very simple. Maybe you can find a cheap place to live - a shared flat?

Or you could perhaps try to find work abroad, perhaps as an au pair girl? Maybe you could do some seasonal work (during the harvest, in a skiing area during the winter season...), where they give you a place to live together whith the job? That would surely boost your self esteem: to make it in different surroundings.

What have you tried so far? What results did you get?
Take care,
Eva

June 2, 2002
6:23 am
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really confused
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I agree with what everyone is saying... God might have something in store for you that you don't know about. Be patient. Try to be happy with what you have right now. Prepare a resume and make it look great! Point out all your great qualities. Go in looking professional... a nice suit (preferably dark), pantyhose, low heels, an updo, conservative, put on a big smile, a strong handshake (that says alot)and be confident. Make sure to point out that you're a team player. That's always important in a job. Also, go to 10minuteresume.com if you need help in preparing a resume. Good luck!

June 11, 2002
2:46 pm
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eve
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hallo utahgirl,

how are you doing? I'll meet a friend from Utah agian next week.

She is over here in Europe as an exchange student and she says she's growing up quickly. One reason is that her guest mom *isn't like a mom* to her. Which means she isn't like her mom at home in Utah at all. Instead the guest mom expects her to get her things organized for herself, find out what she wants and tell people what she wants and go and find some friends. At first she was very shocked and felt lost and uncared for, because nobody was constantly nagging at her. But now she is *a new person* (that's according to her guest mom), and she enjoys herself greatly. She made a whole bundle of friends over here. She is still very shy - but now, if she wants something, she tries to go for it in spite of her shyness. Awesome. I like her a lot, because she is a very kind and sincere person, and she likes a good laugh.

June 11, 2002
9:59 pm
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Utahgirl
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Thanks everyone for your suggestions. I have delayed respondind since I DON'T want to deal with my nightmare. I know I'm worthless I do anything and everything to avoid dealing with the problem. I may warn you ahead of time that I may seem a little rude tonight and I apologize in advance. My patience with God is gone. I have none left and I feel he just wants to torture me until He is ready to stop. Nine years is along time to have to be alive and feel like you skum. My brother said that my youngest brother needs to stay in school so he can get a good job. I responded by saying school does not always guarntee aa good job. He said your just the rare exception. It hurts that I have no hope for the future. To answer some of your questions. I have taught students with disabilities, be a cashier at a store, worked in group homes & care centers for those with disabilities, done clerical work for social service agencies. I worked in the photo research dept. for my bank for 4 years copying checks off of microfilm and now I do clerical work for the return items dept. at the same bank. I also worked as a library aide for 2 summers during college. I have a bachelor degree in Special Education. I was planning on teaching those with severe disabilities but when I got to student teaching everything went wrong and my life and my future ended in 1993. Yes, it hurts!!! I can't type fast or talk well because of my fine motor/gross motor brain damage. I also have an ugly hoarse voice. But I should be able to work since I am capable working and I can't get disability benefits. Life suckss tonight.

June 12, 2002
10:12 am
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pam g fu
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what if? maybe you need to change careers or move somewhere else, use your imagination, you can accomplish anything you put your mind to

June 12, 2002
3:20 pm
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UK Polly
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Utah. Did you know that a problem is only a problem if you allow it to become one? And that God (so I was taught) mainly helps those who help themselves? Forgive your brother for being an a**hole. I wonder if he's conditioned into it because he's got away with it for so long?

I don't know what special education is. Is that for people with disabilities? Could you be an internet tutor for them?

Did you ever think that ugly hoarse = sexy for some people? Maybe modulate it to husky.

What went wrong in 1993? Your information would help more than my not-very-good guesses. There WILL be jobs around that don't rely too much on fine motor & gross motor skills. At least let's try and work on what you've got, what you can do and go from there.

Do you live in a small town? If you do, there would probably be fewer opportunities than in a big city. But sometimes you have to make your own opening.

Utahgirl, I'm waiting to hear from you gf

June 14, 2002
11:42 am
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eve
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Utahgirl?

What would you say are your goals? I can feel you dreaming of a life in the future that just seems too far away for you to even try and get there. True?

Why do you have these goals? What are the motives behind it?

At the moment you are stuck hating yourself because you're afraid that you won't be getting there. Maybe you can instead learn to love yourslef for having dreams.

Could I just have a very small list of goals, please?

Like - find a job (what for? money - what for? why?). Move in your own flat (what for? get away from family? Why?) Try to find good nice shiny reasons for all of your dreams. Don't devalue them in advance, because you don't have much hope of getting there. Don't accept any reasoning that devalues yourself (Like *Money?: yea, because I'm greedy* wouldn't be an acceptable reason. *Money: I need it to be able to make my choices in life easier* would be a good, attractive reason. NOTE: *don't use NOT, NO and so on, try to be direct*).

This will be very hard for you to do, I can see in your posts that you are used very much to fix your eyes firmly on the negative things in life. You could try to notice that, when you do it - and try out how it feels to try and be direct, and sometimes positive.

Just select one, and try it out?

Have a nice weekend
Eve

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