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what if i believed i was beautiful
March 25, 2006
8:59 pm
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loverbee
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I am trying right now to think of a time when I thought I was beautiful. I did once, but I feel as though I have forgotten how to do it. I miss that feeling though.

March 25, 2006
11:47 pm
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caliseth
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loverbee
since the moment that you have the thought that you are beautiful, you are. you have awaken your senses to the idea of growing and transforming, and this, for itself, it is beautiful. but not all is in the past, girl, think of you as how you want yourself to be, not how you used to be. create a new you and then you will know what you need to do to make it real.
attitude is everything in life, bee, if you smile and put your best to all the people around you, i am sure everyone will tell you how beautiful you are.

cali

March 26, 2006
12:44 am
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nice guy
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Loverbee, you are beautiful. Beauty is not skin deep. Beauty is what is inside. If you have a boyfriend you must be beautiful to him, Right? You know that you are beautiful on the outside and inside. I bet if you said to yourself that you were beautiful every day for a month when you woke up that you would become that beautiful person that you always knew that you are.

March 26, 2006
12:56 am
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loverbee
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Thankyou so much for all your kind words. This morning, my bf woke up and looked at me and said that he believed I was beautiful and he would believe it enough for the both of us until I could believe it myself. And suddenly, aside from falling in love all over again, I realized something. I did not make my mother sick just because she got sick at the shock of giving birth to me ( she developed schitzophrenia) and just because I am the result of an affair, it doesn't make me a mistake. I was beautiful then and I am beautiful now and hey at least I told my dad I loved him before leaving. I do miss him though and I am sad that he has pushed me away. I know I am not going to believe I am beautiful all the time, but I believe it now for the most part and that is all that matters. I need to take it one day at a time. Thanks for the reality check but I have to be honest, I may need to be snapped back into reality these next few days.

March 26, 2006
1:06 am
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nice guy
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Well believe it. You are beautiful. I bet your dad really believes that you are beautiful and you might have thought that when he said some mean things once to you years ago that he really meant it. Well I bet if you called him and told him you loved him and wanted to be his little girl again that you could have a relationship with him again. Tell him that you are beautiful and would like to have him back in your life agian.

March 26, 2006
1:12 am
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nice guy
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I read your other thread about your dad. If you need to surround yourself with good people right now then it is ok to be away from dad for now.

March 26, 2006
1:22 am
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loverbee
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I have called him a thousand times and told him that I don't want to be his little girl, I want to be his young woman and that he needed to let me grow up. He doesn't talk to any of his family any more, or his friends, just my stepmother and half brother. I have gone to therapy with him to try to work on it and the therapist said he had never seen such a delusional man and that the only thing he could think of to tell me to do was try to let him go. My sister also sought out therapy only to have her therapist say the same thing. I am in touch with his brothers and sisters, my aunts and uncles and they are a very good support system. I am starting to rekindle my relationship with my mother which is good. By the way, I am 23 right now and it really is time to let me grow up.

March 26, 2006
1:26 am
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loverbee
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It is sad I know, but it is the hand I was dealt and I am grateful for the wonderful people that I have in my life. I am especially grateful for the opportunity to reconnect with my sister.

March 26, 2006
1:33 am
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nice guy
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I'm ready for bed in Minnesota. After midnight here. Have a good night and you have already become that beautiful person that you are. I think that you are beautiful and I know that you know that you are. I will check back tomorrow and see how you are doing. Good night beautiful.

March 26, 2006
4:32 am
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bonita1
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What a nice guy you are!!

Loverbee, I agree with niceguy. You are beautiful already, you just need to believe it.

~~bonita

March 26, 2006
5:16 am
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free2choose
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Mr. Nice Guy, I love ya, bt not everyone is as sweet and as kind as you are.

Loverbee,

If your father is bad for you, Don't call him. Stay away from him.

Trying to squeeze something out of someone who has nothing to give only leads to frustration and it will even further deplete your self esteem.

You are not a mistake! No way. there are no mistakes!

My mom was born when my Grandmother was 41. She was concieved by my grandfather forcibly making my grandmother, who was abused, have sex with him. Rape in marriage is a real thing, and that is what begat my mother.

Her whole childhood she was told she was a mistake, an accident.

This destroyed my mothers spirit.

Then my mother grew up.

A few months before my grandmother died, she told my mom how gratefull she was to have her. She told her she was not a mistake. She was her angel. She was sent to give her the courage it took to leave my grandfather. The will to live after she left him.

Isn't that amazing! That my grandmother could see that, and could actually give voice to it.

My mother still wrestles with her self esteem, she still sometimes feels like a mistake.

I try to remind her that really, she's my angel too.

You are here for a very specific purpose. Do not doubt that.

With much love,
Erica

March 26, 2006
6:44 am
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bonni
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Good Morning,
Loverbee, you are beautiful and it resonates in your words. I know you are frustrated about your outsides, and only you can let go of the negative thoughts that are preventing you from accepting and believing your beauty. I know some people who have read a book called "body clutter" - both obese and abnormally thin. I haven't read it yet, but I thought I'd throw it out there. What makes me feel beautiful is working out and good skin care and nice clothes.

I characterize myself as a mistake; though my parents don't. Thats a hard discussion and I don't want to distract.

March 26, 2006
10:27 am
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loverbee
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Goodmorning all. I am feeling slightly better today. I got a textmessage from bf last night that read "goodnight beautiful. I miss you and so do all the guys. you will always be the most beautiful princess in all the land to me." So I let myself revel in it. I started to think about that saying that says " to the world you may be just one person but to one person you may be the world." Also found out that my friends all decided they are going to come back up on tuesday and we will all be able to hang out. Apparently my father spoke with my mother the other day which was a first in a long time. He told her so many horrible things but she just told him to stay away from me. I am glad that my mother is much more loving now. I was actually able to forgive her for beating me and putting my hand to a stove when I was three.

March 26, 2006
10:28 am
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loverbee
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Oh by the way, my bf decided that since my eyes are green, I am his little emerald princess.

March 26, 2006
10:37 am
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loverbee
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Wow I am so stuffed up right now though and I am wondering if anyone knows any remedies for a bad cold.

March 26, 2006
10:49 am
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loverbee
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My gosh, I just went to blow my nose and I got the worst bloody nose. Anyone know how to prevent these.

March 26, 2006
11:19 am
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taj64
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I can understand that feeling. I used to feel beautiful. It is because I am not completely healed from my wounds just yet. I think it will come back for me. I do. I have hope. I think maybe you too are at a spot where you are not quite healed. The point is to keep working on the inner part and feeling beautiful on the inside, which I already see that in you, and you will feel beautiful on the outside too. People sense that. When you don't feel good about yourself, people sense that as well.

March 26, 2006
11:33 am
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loverbee
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Yes, I believe I am not completely healed. I have found a good therapist though which is good. I made myself a nice hot breakfast and I am going to finish spring cleaning today and studying for my exams. I hope I can breathe a little better by the end of today.

March 26, 2006
12:19 pm
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nice guy
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Good morning Loverbee.
I hope your cold gets better. Have you told yourself that you are beautiful today? Keep at it. You are you know.

I kind of try to look at the bright side and forget that there are some real problems with how parents treat their kids. If your theropist thinks it best to stay away from your dad then that is what you should do. Sometimes the kids are more responsible than the parents.

Of course I didn't know your whole story so I am sorry if I put you on the spot with your dad. It sounds like you have grown up faster than your dad. You sound like a very responsible person.

I just wanted to check back with you and let you know that you are beautiful and keep telling yourself that every morning when you wake up.

Have a nice day.

March 26, 2006
12:35 pm
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nice guy
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On your bloody nose try a humidifier. In the winter the air is really dry.

March 26, 2006
12:40 pm
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nice guy
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One other thing Loverbee.

Free2choose (Erica) is very intelligent and a very caring woman. If you need some advice from a good woman she is a very compasionate and knows what she is talking about. She has helped me with some of my issues.
Dave

March 26, 2006
12:42 pm
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loverbee
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Thanks nice guy. Yes, I did tell myself I was beautiful and my boyfriends mother, who treats me like one of her own gave me this gorgeous venetian mirror with detailing so I looked into it and told that to myself. It is so dry here right now (Rhode Island) so i am sure that is what is going on. Can you recommend what you think would be the best humidifier?

March 26, 2006
4:38 pm
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nice guy
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Anything will do. Just something to get the moisture in the air. I am so glad that you have good people around you. Just remember that when you look into that mirror that your boyfriends mother gave you that you are always beautiful.
I have been helped by people on this site and I hope that you are feeling much better about yourself as I am.

Dave

March 26, 2006
4:52 pm
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loverbee
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The pieces of my life are slowly starting to fall into place. It has taken time but I am beginning to find an idea of who I truly I want to be. So I guess it is good. I am trying to think of something special to make myself for dinner. I have got to get to studying.

March 26, 2006
7:32 pm
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free2choose
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Dave is right about the humidifier.

Also, if you do not have a humidifier, just regular squirts for a normal bottle of saline nose spray will help alot!!

I have the same problem, my allergies and sinus act up and the mucous membranes get aggravated and I get nose bleeds. I keep a bottle of saline with me and squirt several times a day.

Another trick if you do not have a humidifier. Turn the hot water on your bathroom sink on high and let the steam build. Put a towel over your head and bend over the sink to where the towel makes a little tent, trapping the steam. Take deep breaths of the steam through your mouth and nose. This will act as a humidifier. The heat will soothe your swollem membranes, and the H2O in the steam will moisten your nasal passages and help break the crud in your chest.

Sincerely,
Erica

Ps...Thanks Dave for the kind words.

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