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"What If".... Does Therapy Work?
March 14, 2006
9:33 am
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penny lane
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After 90 days of no contact I am having small doses of thoughts... remorse? questions about life? attacks on myself and my self image..

WHAT IF I a am never loved again
WHAT IF no one ever finds me appealing again
WHAT IF I turn bitter and cold like my mother
WHAT IF life passes me by
WHAT IF I die never finding a good love or soul mate

Is life worth having and living without a soulmate? and why is it so difficult to find a mate who is loving...valuable...open to working on a relationship...not completly selfish...

I have been in therapy to get over the exbf who was narcisstic...but I wonder if exploring my past and mind has made it more difficult to find a good mate...you know the old adage..."a little education can be dangerous". Maybe it might of been best to stay in ignorant bliss (sort of)and just float along with no understanding of why things go bad...they just do and accept them. I am on guard now for my heart and mind...armed with this new education and fearful...

Any suggestions on how I move past this point ....I am all ears and eyes

March 14, 2006
3:19 pm
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kathygy
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penny lane,

therapy can help you learn what leads into these relationships so that you can heal that part of you and learn to recognize and avoid the wrong men.

if you just float along you will end up back in relationships that are not good for you. You need self-awareness and self love to stay away from the wrong type of men and to recognize a healthy man.

Therapy can also help you learn to develop a loving relationship with yourself and feel whole and complete with or without a man in your life.

Why are you asking yourself all of these 'what if' questions.

"WHAT IF I a am never loved again WHAT IF no one ever finds me appealing again"

It sounds like you are putting your focus outside of yourself. The healing comes when you focus on getting affirmed from within rather than depending on a man to prove your worth.

Its far more important that you love yourself than whether a man will ever love you again. Its more important that you know you are appealing than worrying whether a man will find you appealing.

In fact, the more you love yourself and feel whole and complete without depending on a man to complete you the more appealing you are to healthy men.

Life is definately worth living without a soulmate. To say that it is not is a rejection of yourself.

When you learn to have a healthy and loving relationship with yourself a soulmate will be icing on the cake not a necessity but a nice thing to have.

March 14, 2006
5:21 pm
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penny lane
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Thank you Kathgy for your words of inspiration ...What you say is true. I do need to love myself and I do that but sometimes life has a way of beating you down and making you second guess yourself...and then the brain takes over with self doubt. I guess I am just having a "pity party" for one and leaning into it...thank you for pulling me out by my hair... Being a co-dependent and a small dose of "drama queen" I can hurdle myself down that slippery slope pretty quickly...it is good to know there is someone like yourself who will listen and respond.

March 15, 2006
1:09 pm
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kathygy
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penny lane,

I am happy to listen and help if I can.

You deserve to feel happy and good about yourself.

As you grow to love yourself and back yourself 100% you will reach a point where:

"life has a way of beating you down and making you second guess yourself...and then the brain takes over with self doubt."

will never affect you. You will feel totally confident in your thinking and your decisions so that second guessing yourself will go out the window along with all of the doubts.

March 16, 2006
6:21 am
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merangel81
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it is always darkest before dawn 🙂

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